Team Gaki Presents
Team Leader: Rich Translators: Conjyak BabyStand solar Zebestt sonjeigo photodiode GakiNoSuitGuy AshAbs funtonite Typesetters: Small Carl Adilofax Sacro Dudedafool carebu samsamuel Nigel Amria Textualpoacher kannibleklown Nojiko Caleb Barrett Karaoke: Konohana Niji Translation Check: Oolong Quality Checkers: John Dread Ecksdee Elestriel Moocau
Uhm.. Mizuno-sama
For today can't we...
That is not possible!!
I want to get things straight right here and now
That's inconvenient
Finally I foun' somebody
There she is
I be hearin' some noise and thinkin' "The hell is goin' on?"
Kazuo Nishio
Tomochika
Pizza Cap
That really dang surprised me
A pizza was ordered by someone
so I went to the staff room, but there ain't nobody there
You got me runnin' around like it's a
government office for heaven's sake
You get it right?
Oh...
There's gotta be someone who be orderin' a damn pizza here
We don't get it
That hurts!
You set it up real nice
Make it a medium size
You put them corn on top of the seafood
Get some chicken cover'em up in wheat flour to fry'em
It'll be trouble if I go back with no money
That hurts so much
And you ma'am
If you keep screeching like that
Your blood pressure'll go through the roof
You get check-ups regularly?
It has nothing to do with you
Ain't no way it's got nothin' to do with me
Even them kids of yours should go
Get check-ups from the doc too
Some kids been gettin' stool examinations
And such, I'm sure
Goin' "I'm constipated" "I'm constipated"
Bringin' their parents' or their siblings' shit too
That's your parents' n siblings' inspection!!
That hurts!
It hurts
Properly go to your doc n' get them checkups
What happened...
Ain't your lymphs nodes a bit swollen?
Wha-
You yo-
You saw the physical assault right?
T/N: 110 is Japan's emergency police number.
We're going to the police box, someone dial 110
That's fine by me, I'll crush you with money
We'll get this settled with 110!
That's fine by me
I'm very sorry about that, uhm...
Moving on
The teachers' adultery problem is next
There seems to be an explanation and apology to be given by the cheating party...
An explanation and apology by the teacher that caused the adultery issue
...we'll bring them in
Come in!
T/N: Ryuji Harada is an actor who was caught cheating with multiple women.
Ryuji Harada
The cheating teacher
As expected right?
Right?
Uhm, with that...
We have gathered some
Of the guardians' questions beforehand
Professor Harada please answer them honestly
Yes
This is the first question
How did you meet your mistress?
Meeting method with their mistress?
On Instagram, through DMs
The next question
Why did you use Instagram?
Reason for using Instagram
Since Instagram is mainly pictures
By looking at their pictures I can be sure of their identity
People who cheat are scum!!
The couple Megumi Kaneko and Kensuke Miyazaki are in the audience
T/N: Kensuke Miyazaki was a politician who cheated on his wife with a gravure idol while his wife was prematurely giving birth. The woman next to him is his wife, Megumi Kaneko and they are still married despite the affair.
And to use social networks, absolutely disgusting!!
You're the one to talk?!
How can he say that with a straight face?
Next question
Where and for how long did you cheat?
Location and duration
Inside a 4-wheel-drive car for 10 minutes
10 minutes!? That's disrespectful to the woman!!
Isn't that rude to your wife in the first place!!
That's you!!
There's so much going on...
It's too congested
That hurts!
It's the adultery all-stars
RESIGN NOW!
Do you actually feel bad? Yeah! That's right! Quit already!
Everyone please quiet down
THIS KIND OF TEACHER
NEEDS TO BE FIRED!!
T/N: Yoshihiko Hakamada is an actor that cheated on his wife, Ai Kawanaka.
Yoshihiko Hakamada
Guardian
They're all here
It's the all-stars
Is it the legendary all-star battle?
ADULTERY IS
AN ACT THAT SHOULD NEVER BE FORGIVEN!!
You're just getting in the way
Well, that can't be helped
Please
He was very assertive
Sorry, I'm getting in the way
OI YOU 4-WHEEL-DRIVE BASTARD!!!
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'LL ACCOMPLISH STANDING THERE!?
The angry guardians are closing in on the cheating teacher
SAY SOMETHING YOU PUNK!!
THAT'S ENOUGH!!
This is a place for children to learn,
don't go swinging that around!!
Please, can you just let this go?
Shut the hell up!!
Then I have no choice...
LET'S GO!!
"Let's go!!"?
I will pull apart the evils of the world,
with the magnetic force of justice
Omame Electromagnetic Wave Club N Magnetic Pole
Fighting Evil Ally of Justice
Omame Electromagnetic Wave Club N Magnetic Pole! Ready to fight!!
In front of me is a metal pipe-holding dangerous person
I can't possibly do anything on my own
S Magnetic Pole-kun!!
Harada-san
Two years ago, I famously cheated in the APA affair incident
T/N: APA refers to APA Hotel, which is where he would go for his affairs.
And as a human, I hit rock bottom
But thanks to Harada-san, I was saved
TV dramas have started giving me offers once again
Using the APA affair incident to be able to eat again
I don't feel moved by this at all though
Harada-san, you can also
get naked and start over!!
GO!!
A very urgent transformation has begun
S Magnetic Pole's magnet
He's really damn energetic
Fighting Evil Ally of Justice
Omame Electromagnetic Wave Club S Magnetic Pole
ROCK 'N' ROLL!
Forgot the magnet
You not even complete
Can you wait for a bit?
He realizes his mistake and leaves the scene for a moment
What's wrong?
Did he forget something?
It came from over there though
They missed each other
Harada-kun, it's over there
That side
What the hell...
Why the hell
It hurts
Attack them!!
YOU DAMN BASTARDS!!
Hol- wait up- wha-
IT HURTS IT HURTS
The allies of justice lose in an instant
Damnit!
This is such an embarrasing circumstance
We can't go up against them on our own
Omame Electromagnetic Wave Club on the brink of life and death
Are we giving up...?
Now
IT'S OVER!!
Urgh
HOOOLD UUUUUUUUUUUUP!!
T/N: Shinji Takeda is an actor and saxophone player who has done work in several TV shows, movies, anime, etc.
The Savior M Magnetic Pole (Shinji Takeda) has arrived
Sorry to keep you waiting
The muscles, M Magnetic Pole-kun!!
You came to help!
This year's offer
was hard for me to accept since I'm in the middle of my second hiatus
But compared to the two of you, the front of the material was made wider
And I was able to join no problem!!
We had low hopes for an okay on your end
Right
We did some terrible things...
And this is our penance of some sort
You haven't done anything wrong though
Don't we have something in common between us?
T/N: Junon is a fashion magazine that holds this contest every year for 13-22 year old males outside of the entertainment business.
I hold the Grand Prix of the Second Junon Superboy Contest*
Second Champ
Third Second Place
Harada-kun has the Second Prize for the third year
Fourth Champ
Hakamada-kun has the Grand Prix of the fourth year
Right! We are all...
JUNON BOYS AREN'T WE!!
OOOHH YOU'RE RIGHT!!
YES WE ARE!!
Thank you, M Magnetic Pole-kun
What the heck...
ALRIGHT
IT'S TIME FOR THE COUNTER ATTACK!!
Have a bit of THIS!!
AND A BIT OF THAT!!
You bastard!!
That's enough!
He went for us
Junon Boyz huh?
Let's go for Electromagnetic Wave Music!
Last resort ELECTROMAGNETIC WAVE MUSIC
Let's GO!
ELECTROMAGNETIC WAVE
BEEEEAAAAAAM
That takes care of that!!
Even if you despise us
We Junon Boyz
Don't want to be hated!!
What in the world-
Oh come on...
Well, that was something
12 hours into their School Life
Back in the class room
Their suspicion of a certain man pops up again
Do we not have to do Kokkuri-san or anything again?
Kokkuri-san was... What was it again?
Tanaka's Thai Kick
That's the Thai Kick
It's pretty rough how you keep getting kicked
Right?
Yeah, you're right
The Thai Kick from before
Do you still remember the feeling of the Thai kick?
Of course I remember. It was a proper kick
Could you show us?
Give it a try
You got it over there, right
The Thai Kick from earlier
Tanaka reenacting the reaction
Try to recreate it
As best as you can
It was quite the show!
It was really something
Right!
Ready?
ACTION!
AIAAAGH!!!
AGH
AAAAHAAAAA!!
IT HURTS! IT HURTS! IT HURTS!
Whoa, he's incredible!!
He's doing it no problem!!
You can do it after all!
Incredible
Freaking incredible
You're really good
Amazing stuff
EH?
That was something else!
That was...
Unbelievable
Reenactment complete with other-worldly skills
You're that good??
No no, I just realized. The two are different
Anyone can do what I just did!
I'm feeling a bit let down here
Aah... I didn't want to bring it up... But
During "Don't Get Scared" did you fake it there too?
Eh? Hold on there!
Of course he faked it!
I just got chills down my spine
This is scary
You're talking about this, right?
Yeah yeah!
Last year's Don't Get Scared
That doesn't sit right with me at all
There is something I would like to see...
Spit it out
This is just my suggestion, but hear me out
When Tenshin-kun
Does anything to Tanaka, we can't really tell so...
Right
What if we had Endo get a Thai Kick...
Y-you mean me?
Yeah...
And at the same time, Tanaka will pretend he's the one getting kicked...
I see!
Endo is kicked while Tanaka pretends
Test of acting skills
The real thing VS the fake
That's a great idea!
We never had a good comparison
We never saw them side by side so it's hard to compare
I see
So when the kick connects
From the moment the kick connects. Exactly
And Endo will just take it naturally
Yep
I will just
Take the kick
Don't add anything to your reaction
You can't do that kind of acting anyways
Okay
Naturally
I could tell that much from you with the Tom & Jerry performance
T/N: Endo played as "Tom" in the Japanese musical version of "Tom and Jerry". Endo's also just generally well known among the Gaki crew to have poor acting skills (ie, the movie, Busjack).
The Tom & Jerry Musical
Starring Endo
I did my best
I really did my best with that one
They're just casually laughing
So casually
My acting in Tom & Jerry wasn't that bad
That's a terrible burn
Crazy fire is being thrown around in here
This jackass too! Hit him!
You forgot this guy!
Come on!
Why are you...
That's right
I really see it now
To test actor Tanaka's honesty,
We'll have him and his comedy partner who can't act at all,
Do it at the same time
And finally get a proper answer!!
He straight up said it!
Do it at the same time!!
For real!?
I'm practically being thrown in the furnace!
This is it! Here it is!
Position yourself side by side
I'm being burned alive here
Get ready
But Endo, it's true
No
Endo, don't overreacting even one bit!!
I'll just take it honestly?
Honestly! Honestly! Honestly!
Do it for Tanaka's sake
Here we go!
Please wait!
Do it for Tanaka's sake
Acting Skills Inspection
Endo will take the Thai kick and Tanaka's acting skills will be put to the test
For Tanaka?
Here we go!
Please wait!
Here it comes
Hold on! hold on!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Look! Tanaka has already started!!
Any minute now
Here I go!
NNNOOOOOAAAAAAAA!!
UWAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
IT HURTS!!
This is the absolute worst
The worst
This is the worst
The best and the worst, side by side
Endo, look at that. What even is that?
This is how a real Thai Kick looks
Thank you, Tenshin!
Thank you so much. That was a great experiment
We just discovered something we shouldn't have!!
Endo, I'm sorry
I'm sorry I put you through this
So much pain
I'm about to poop myself...
It feels like poops gonna come out, right?
That's how it should feel
You get kicked speechless
You can't do anything, but whimper
The whole "IT HURTS! IT HURTS!"
And doing this whole thing
All these years...
It almost makes you think whether he got kicked or not
I thought "Wait a sec!"
Right
It's like...
Even though Endo really got kicked,
it sort of faded into the background to me
I did get kicked though
Really
He's the worst
Faded?
Tanaka is, in terms of variety, unnacceptable...
No no
13 hours into their school life
They're really showing us something spectacular
That's pretty scary
The performance that won the National Championship
Observing the Theater Club's Rehearsal
The five members observe the theater club's rehearsal...
...of the performance that won them the National Championship
We're meeting them?
We're going in guys
Theater Club's Clubroom
This is where they do the final rehearsals
Please sit down
Oh this is a rehearsal?
I expected more of an audience for this
Yes
The stage has been set already
Start of the play
Naoto Eguchi (Doburokku)
Theater Club Member
I am a penniless farmer
together with my old, frail mother
We live a secluded life together
The act that won the National Championship
Having an incurable disease
Trying to save my suffering mother
I came to the forest to look for a cure
Somewhere in this forest, there should be some medicine I could use
But where is it? Where is it? Where? Where...
I have been waiting for exactly this, to help out a troubled man
Shintarou Mori (Doburokku)
Theater Club Member
I am a God residing in these woods
I-IT'S A GOD!!
Your kindness towards your mother, is filling me with wondrous joy
I have come to offer you my help
Is this really real, this I can't believe. I am forever grateful to you
Whatever it is, I will grant you one wish
In that case, I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
Something that can penetrate the fabric of my pants
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
Goro Inagaki
T/N: Goro was one of the members of SMAP who also acted in many TV shows and movies.
Theater Club Member
I am also a poor farmer, together with my old, frail mother
We live a secluded life together
Having an incurable disease, trying to save my suffering mother
I came to the forest to look for a cure
You think he will sing it?
Your kindness towards your mother, is filling me with wondrous joy
Let me also give you a helping hand
Is this really real, this I can't believe. I am forever grateful to you
Whatever it is, I will grant you one wish
It's not okay to say it
In that case,
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
He said it!
So huge I can carry it on my shoulder
I wish for a truly huge Johnson
He really said it!!
Could you just stop
Trying to help you two, I was an idiot for showing myself
It was a joke, a terrible joke
I beg you to save the life of my mother
Yes!
Please be so kind!
Right!
That's what you meant
Furthermore, I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
You only have one wish!
Something that will surprise Shingo and Tsuyoshi
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
Stop improvising!!
What are you saying, Goro?
That was unbelievable
You went there huh...
It's really amazing
I was really surprised
What's that? You say you like theater acting?
You're interested in theater?
I really enjoyed watching it
Well, since you're interested in theater I'll teach you some secrets
Firstly
In theater you have to strongly project your voice
We have
Traditional training method in our club
I'd like you all to give it a shot
Experiencing the traditional voice projection training
Oh are we-
This candle being protected in a wine glass
Can be put out with a high pitched voice
Produce a high pitched voice from the diaphragm to put out the candle in the glass
Voice projection training method
Coming from your diaphragm
May we ask for an example?
Yes, okay
Let's show an example
An example from the Theater Club
Whoa
What, really?
Incredible!!
Wonderful!
That's incredible
See it's amazing!
Incredible
It's incredible doing that with just vibrations isn't it?
Then how about
Everyone tries it
You two
You go
Do it like your seniors okay?
Downtown will try and do the vocal exercise
Can we really put it out?
Project your voice from your abdomen
And put it out with the vibration of the air
On my mark
Ready... Start!
Unbelievable!
They did it faster
That was too fast
That was unexpectedly fast
That was too fast, can we-
Is there such a thing?
Isn't that good?
That was too fast, let's try more
Are we getting hit for that?
Wouldn't you say they did excellent?
Let's do it one more time
Downtown are doing the exercise once again
A high pitched voi-
You breathed inside didn't you?
You breathed in right?
I was doing it from below
Let me hold it higher then
Right
The breath shouldn't hit the candle directly
I get it I get, from around here right?
No cheating allowed okay?
Ready START!
The resonating air vibrates to put it out
Amazing!
That's so incredible!
It's amazing!
Yes, it flickered so well!
They were so much faster than you
They're in a pinch!
Isn't this a good thing though?
Well it is, but...
It's pretty remarkable
It's remarkable, right?
We were very happy today
That you came over to watch us
Can we get your opinions about the play maybe?
You there
Yes
How was the play?
Well uhmm...
To summarize, what the lip monster want to tell us is this
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
One that can go through a barrel of wine
Even overshadowing giant trees
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
I didn't say that, though...
Sorry sorry sorry
My body did it out of reflex
What are you saying??
Sorry sorry sorry, it was just a reflex
Okay, one last question for you
Can we perhaps hear your
Thoughts about the play?
I was able to see a new perspective
Really?
Are there anything critiques you'd like to give?
I mean not rea- I didn't see anything that was off...
In short, what the muscle-head want to tell us is this
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
One so big that it would destroy the image I've built up
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
That's all they can talk about
Oh dear Goro, Johnsons are not just about size
Worrying about the size of it
is only you, Goro, is only you, Goro
You are a national superstar
With lots of fans, so stop it with the dirty jokes
A national superstar
They really practiced this
Your image is very important
But before all that
And that's why
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
Something that would disgust my fans
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
T/N: Shingo Mama is a female character played by Shingo Katori, a fellow SMAP member. Kang Chonen is the Korean stage name of Tsuyoshi Kusanagi, another fellow SMAP member.
Makes Shingo Mama flirt with me! Makes Kang Chonan jealous!
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
Oh so big
His wish of an enormous Johnson came true!!
Thank you for this enormous Johnson
Something that would disgust my fans
Thank you for this enormous Johnson
T/N: There are event venues across Japan that are called [city name] Dome. For example, Tokyo Dome.
One that can do a Dome Tour
You guys stop him!
Thank you for this enormous Johnson
My dreams and my privates are bulging
Thank you for this enormous Johnson
Stop him!!
Thank you!!
It's quite something
Thank you!
Then everyone...
Have a great student life from here on out!!
Let's meet again!
Thank you!!
It's unbelievable
Waah it's amazing
Right?
They did it
They powered through to the end
They powered through huh
It's amazing
After this will be the real comedy hell
They're all here