Team Gaki Presents
Team Leader: Rich Translators: BakaDollie GakiNoSuitGuy Shion (Mauro) Mickstar Shizentaisuu DCSubs tuna EcksDee Solarwings Typesetters: catpanda Hikarii Sacro pencillover12 Cherry Sevendayheaven hachiagejo Karaoke: Konohana Niji Translation Check: Oolong Quality Checkers: James PeaceBrigade John Dread
Abyss of Suppressed Emotion
An abyss of suppressed emotions...
It's during that time an applause of praise will be heard
Will give an applause of admiration
Gaki No Tsukai's Best Series!!
The strongest Gaki No Tsukai Series!
No Laughing: American Police
Absolutely No Laughing
Gaki No Tsukai's Best Series!!
No Laughing: American Police
American Police!
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｃ Ａ Ｎ Ｔ Ｌ Ａ Ｕ Ｇ Ｈ
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｍ Ａ Ｋ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ｅ Ｍ
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｃ Ａ Ｎ Ｔ Ｌ Ａ Ｕ Ｇ Ｈ
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｍ Ａ Ｋ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ｅ Ｍ
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｃ Ａ Ｎ Ｔ Ｌ Ａ Ｕ Ｇ Ｈ
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｍ Ａ Ｋ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ｅ Ｍ
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｃ Ａ Ｎ Ｔ Ｌ Ａ Ｕ Ｇ Ｈ
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｍ Ａ Ｋ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ｅ Ｍ
Those that make them laugh...
It's a battle for the guys that can't laugh
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｃ Ａ Ｎ Ｔ Ｌ Ａ Ｕ Ｇ Ｈ
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｍ Ａ Ｋ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ｅ Ｍ
GET THROUGH IT!
The laughter assassins are on the attack
The strongest lineup in history are up to the task!!
The strongest laughter assassins in history are up to the challenge!
In the sudden rain a
What's with this face!?
Surging Waves of sudden jokes
Sudden waves of jokes
The five have nowhere to escape!
WOW!!
There it is!!
I'LL KILL YOU!!
EHH!?
The series first flip!
The comedy assassins receive punishments!!
The first in the series! Punishments to the comedy assassins!
A big change in the customary Chono Slap!
Hosei's Fate!?
The customary Chono Slap has an accident!!
Things that we didn't expect
You can really laugh that hard!?
An unbelievable conclusion
What will happen to Hosei!?
Escape from the Oni's!
In the Oni Tag A popular actor helps out!!
The addition of a really popular actor!!
Stop it!
Late night hostage retrieval plan!
Anger and a screaming climax!!
A late night hostage rescue plan!
Don't stop watching till the climax!
In one episode a battle through 6 hours!!
A 6 hour episode!!
A big new year special!
No Laughing
Absolutely No Laughing 24 Hour American Police!!
American
Police
24 Hours
Alright!
Downtown
Matsumoto Hitoshi
Hamada Masatoshi
Here we go!
Tsukitei Hosei
Thank you all!
We did it this year again!
Cocorico
Endo Shozo
Tanaka Naoki
Yes!
We'll pass this year on Nihon Television with this show!
12 Years in a row! On Nihon TV Gaki no Tsukai will finish the year!!
The 12th one!
12th one!
This is the 12th one!
12th one!?
Well we... turned down the offer to be the host for Kouhaku and came here!
T/N: Kouhaku is an annual show on New Year's Eve where popular musicians and bands compete with their performances. Kouhaku hosts are usually really popular celebrities, chosen by NHK.
Well we... turned down the offer to be the host for Kouhaku and came here!
You turned it down!?
Turned it down!
Because we turned down the offer Uchimura is doing it
I had no idea about that.
You're still thinking we didn't get the offer right!
"There's no way they'd get the offer!"
What was with that face?
Yeah... I'm thinking there was no way
There's no way the offer would come...
Sorry!
No Laughing: American Police
The break of dawn
The light of the sun gently heads towards them
Heads towards the guys
No no no.
Ugh...
I think that this moment is the worst of the year as well!
What exactly is Hamada looking forward to, I'll never understand!
It was all of a sudden too!
What exactly is Hamada looking forward to, I'll never understand!
T/N: LINE is Japan's largest social media network and is well-known as a chatting and messaging app.
On LINE his messages to the staff are incredible
"I can't wait for this!" Apparently he sent them a lot of messages.
"Let's make a Line group!" and stuff...
I haven't said a single word.
At least the weather is nice.
That's right!
That's rare.
It's warm.
SHAYH!
I understand.
Pisses me off
Everyone's feelings.
Why the hell is the sign written so casually!?
Yeah.
Hahaha
But I mean we're following it anyways...
Well...
Nice place huh.
Yeah.
Right?
He~y!
Hey! Hey
guys~!!
He can't really see with those glasses on huh...
This really is...
Hey guys~!
He's having such a fun time driving that
That looks like fun
Hey~!! Hey guys!
Why's he riding that?
Hey!
This is...
How many times are you gonna say it!!
Downtown's Former Manager
Fujiwara Hiroshi
Hey!!
You don't need to put that in!
How many times are you gonna do this!?
How many laps are you gonna take?
It looks fun.
How many times are you gonna circle...
Good morning guys!!
Are you Japanese comedian?
Or hamburger?
What the hell is "or hamburger"?
Why a hamburger?
Mr. Tanaka?
I'm comedian
Oh
yes!!
Hamburger!!
Great!
Fantastic!!
Hamburger!!!
How long is he gonna do this for?
Please shake my hand
You're way too serious!!
It's an American joke!!
Looks like you're not that good with 'merican comedy
'merican comedy?
Japanese Television...
Is filled with shows of comedians just walking in the streets!!
Don't call it out!
Moreover...
His tone suddenly changed
The way his tone is changing is too rapid!
It's scary!
This year's theme is American Police 'kay!?
How is this related to Japan?
What is American Police?
How is this related?
T/N: Chiba is a prefecture to the east of Tokyo
This place is Chiba
This time...
At the first American Police Station Japan Branch...
You guys will be protecting Japan's peace.
They'll become American Policemen
They'll face a harsh job!!
And with that...
They'll become American Police recruits and face the harsh job!!
Look at Hosei!
NOT THAT PICTURE!
Not that one!
An old one right?
I said American Police but what's with those outfits?
We've prepared for you guys to get changed over there
Can you get changed and come back?
Before they work at the Police Station
They'll get changed into the uniform
The first step in becoming an American Police officer
Changing into the appropriate clothes.
Hamada and the staff...
have an elaborate meeting for this
Is everybody done changing?
Can you guys all come out one after the other?
Matsumoto! Come on!
Looks good on you!!
Thank you very much.
You've gotten pretty strong huh...
Thanks
You're the Powerful American Policeman!
Powerful American Policeman
Alright.
Okay, next, Endo!
I saw that coming
Right?
What a handsome guy!
You're good-looking as ever!
Thanks
You're the Handsome Policeman.
Handsome American Policeman
Thanks
Next, Tanaka!
I know a lot has happened to you but have you lost weight again?
Translator's Note: Referring to Tanaka getting divorced this year
I know a lot has happened to you but have you lost weight again?
That has nothing to do with it...
Paper-thin American Policeman
Paper-thin Policeman?
Next, Hosei!
So cute!!
No matter how old you get you're cute!!
American Angel Policeman!
Next, Hamada!
Come on!
Only Hamada is Eddie Murphy
No way!!
I thought it was gonna be crazy but...
That's why it took so long!
It really took some time!
They kept applying the black till it got this...
This tone...
Seriously!
It was so rough...
You're different from our outfits!
But I am a policeman right?
Yeah.
Beverly Hills Cop
White Box
A movie that premiered in 1984
Featured Eddy Murphy playing the role of a Detroit cop.
Beverly Hills!
Beverly Hills Cop!
He's gonna be like this the whole time?
Yeah.
This guy is a cop right?
Eh..... Seriously?
That's evil! We're gonna laugh so easy from this.
It's gonna be hard if he's with us the whole time.
Absolutely No Laughing Rules
Plainly speaking the rules are simple.
As American Police recruits they work in a hard job
While on the job they can't laugh
If they do laugh they face a punishment
While they are working at the station they cannot laugh.
That is all there is.
Now then...
The police station bus is coming so let's go.
Is it really alright to change the pace this fast?
Right?
This is so different...
Here it is.
The cruel job closing in
Moment by moment, the cruel job approaches them...
The Police Station stage will be made clear...
Ah, it's here
Everyone! The bus is here!
Why do we have to ride a bus?
That looks nice.
This bus was also leaked all over Twitter
It was all over the place
The Heipo State Omame Central Police Department
T/N: "Omame" is Heipo's nickname which means "bean". It refers to Heipo's small physical frame.
This is the name of the police station we're going to.
Why the hell is this guy so high ranking?
This guy is nowhere close to being this important!!
T/N: Komoro Soba is a cheap chain noodle shop that has stores all over Tokyo. Most of their customers are workers and it is rather standard and plain.
He eats Komoro Soba all alone.
With a face on the brink of death
Heipo State Omame Central Police Department bus!
With this bus that is designed with the founder of the Heipo Police
Headed towards the police station they are stationed at!
They will head towards the Police Station!
Once you've got yourself prepared get on the bus!
Seriously...
I'm the only one that has nothing to do with this theme...
Here we go...
Well there's nothing we can do about this, guys.
Right.
Yeah...
Alright, I'll be boarding now!
Let's get started...
The start...
ALRIGHHTT!!
Absolutely No Laughing American Police 24HRS
He's laughing!!
These guys are dirty!
I'm safe if I get off the bus!!
Isn't this a safety zone!?
You can't get off the bus!
You were on it!
Seriously listen to me...
Once I looked outside from in there...
All I saw was a black guy laughing
What kind of scene is that!?
A black guy was laughing at me outside the bus!
With you like this it's impossible...
Just get in there before us... I can't be the first.
Please get on first!
That'll help.
Yeah.
This bus...
No good.
This is impossible.
He's laughing!
Ah! He laughed!
You've been laughing this whole time!
I held it in till I got off the bus
He's here!
You were laughing!
Alright!
The first smack!
Black Army Corps will
smack their butts
It's the first smack
Nice hit!
Wow, that was a nice one.
All right, everyone get on
Please stop with that expression too
That grim expression
Oh no, it's hard not to laugh at this expression he has on....
This facial expression...
Seriously...
What...
What's with that?
You look like Emmanuel
T/N: Emmanuel Lewis an American actor known for starring in Webster. Matsuko DX cosplayed as Emmanuel back in EDF
That works too
Please stop with that.
Let's just hurry on board
Okay, sorry.
I'm getting on~
Wah, we're on
In our usual seats
Okay
Yeah, our usual seats
It looks to me like Hamada's already laughing...
Normal passengers are already on board
Wow
It's finally started
Departure towards the Police Department, What lies ahead?!
The bus finally departs for the Police Department.
What awaits them there?
There could be a pattern where no one who comes on board knows who he is
"Huh? Where's Hamada today?"
...Plus
Um...the people who come on board...
The people who come to make us laugh
The people who come to make us laugh might laugh instead when they see Hamada !!!!!
Mfufufu...
You're not allowed to laugh
He's laughing
Laughing isn't allowed
Yeah, seriously
You were making some sound
He laughed like he was really blissful
Right?
Terrible
What's with that "Right?" ?
Well, of course, it's "no laughing"
How many years have we been doing this?
You were totally enjoying yourself
Um... Sorry.
Laughing is no longer allowed
On top of the 5 no longer being allowed to laugh,
The rampage of Hamada's destructive power
they are faced with the rampage of Hamada's destructive power
Why the hell
So destructive
However, the assassins of comedy will beckon the 5 into more hellish situations
However, the assassins of comedy will
beckon the 5 into more hellish situations
Reached a bus stop
Oh, it's this part...
One-two...
Ah, it feels so cool
One-two...
It does feel quite cool
*Baby noises*
And a one-two, good...
All right...
Careful. There are steps here.
Baby
Akiyama Ryuuji
There are steps here
One-two...
One-two, one-two
Shall we sit here?
There are steps here
Okay...
There are steps here
It's your fault, Akiyama
Babies won't say things so clearly
No way babies can talk like that
Babies usually won't say such things
Babies can't talk
There are steps here
Mama
Okina Megumi
So warm
Yes, you do seem rather warm. Shall we have you unbutton your clothes?
I feel really warm!!
He said that really clearly
His skin's really tanned
Noo-noos...
T/N: Churuchuru is baby talk for noodles in Japanese.
Noo-noos?
You want to eat noo-noos?
Okay, let's eat some noo-noos~
Ryuu-chan's demand
Loves noodles even though he's a baby
Isn't it too early for him?
Still early right?
Yeah
He's still a baby isn't he?
I think it's a bad idea
T/N: The face on the bib is of Umemiya Tatsuo, Japanese actor. He has appeared many times in previous No-Laughing specials
He's going to eat
You're gonna get scolded by him
Totally a terrible idea
You're going to get a scolding
He'll get mad
Rather than Akiyama...
Okina will get a scolding too
Yeah, really
Was it yummy?
Yum, yum
Say "ahh"
So much
That's a lot
Stuffing that much...
Wow she did it
Is it okay to be doing this?
You have to eat a lot...
That amount seems impossible
That's really too much noodles!!
Of course that would happen!
Too much
I think even Umemiya would find it impossible to eat that amount of noodles at the same time.
It spilled...
Not just me
Mama should eat noo-noos too!!
It's fine, it's fine, I don't really...
Ryuu-chan's demand
Wants Mama to eat noodles as well
Mama, eat some too
We're currently outside after all...
You're gonna feed mama some noo-noos too
Mama should have some noo-noos too
Well...
Well, sure, but you don't really have to...
Isn't it fine if you just don't eat in the bus?
This isn't really the right place...
Is she okay?
Here.
T/N: The face on her bib is that of a female wrestler going by the stage name of Aja Kong.
That's Aja
Mama eat noo-noos too
What the...
Tanks for the good work!
What does he mean by that?
Don't make it painful
She's completely different from the person on the bib, even her physique
Completely
Let's go back
Okay, one-two~
There are steps here
Yes, there are steps
There are steps here
Yes, there are steps
Achoo!!
You... That was really terrible
Yeah
Stop this guy
Sneezing like that, what the hell?
I've never seen that kind of sneeze before!
The sneezes just came out. I couldn't help it.
Because you don't normally look like this
What's with that schwiiing sound huh?
This guy's really...
Ah, me too
Seriously...
Just show me a normal sneeze
This costume, plus the sneeze is unbearable
While the 5 were making each other laugh,
The bus has reached the next assassin's location
The 5 are making each other laugh
During that time, the bus has reached the next assassin's location
Are we going to stop again?
Are we there yet?
Reached a bus stop
Host
Wakabayashi Masayasu
Host
Yamazaki Kento
Hey, Eito
T/N: In his new drama "Todome no Kiss", Yamazaki Kento is playing a character working as a host who goes by the professional name Eito.
The other day,
You were with that showy woman
Who was she?
That woman is entry number 19
The CEO of an apparel company
Her company earns 3 billion yen annually. She's a great source of income
As expected of the the No.1 in our Host Club, Eito
But recently...
You've been troubled by a strange woman following you around right?
She suddenly appeared and tried to kiss me
What, so you're boasting now
No, that's not it
That woman's serious trouble!
I'll die if she kisses me
No.1 Host's troubles
Being chased by a mysterious woman with a murderous kiss
Such a woman exists?
Yeah
Sounds terrible...
Hey, Eito
Mysterious woman
Kadowaki Mugi
Who's this?
She's here! She's the kissing woman I was talking about
You will die
Stop!
Wait, wait...
Why are you trying to kill Eito by kissing him?
There are other people in the world who are better off dead
There are trash who would be better off dead in the world
People who would be better off dead...
Like this guy.
That's right. This guy
has an extreme idiot complex so
He wanted his son to enter a private school
he wanted his son to enter a private school
T/N: Private schools including kindergarten and elementary usually hold entrance exams for prospective students
He tried learning English from internet videos but...
In the end, he didn't understand anything so
he just silently switched off the power
The size of his brain
is like the size of a pumpkin seed!!
I know of him too. In addition, recently
important job offers kept coming in only for his partner Tanaka so
the stress of the disparity between them led him to betting on horse races
and losing several million yen!!
T/N: Currently, ¥1,000,000 equals to about $9,010 USD.
What the hell
Eh? Betting on horse racing...?
No, no, no
Did you really do that?!
I didn't!
Don't tell me you...
Horse racing...
I didn't want to know
I wouldn't lose several hundred thousand yen!
No way I'd lose money over this
I didn't
I only did a little betting
There are other people who should be better off dead too
Like that guy.
That's right. This guy,
to pray for the success of the Tsukitei Hosei solo recital
he visited a shrine and at that time
he tried to receive power from a 400 year old sacred tree
The moment this man hugged it,
sudden strong rain porridged down on him
It's okay. Isn't that right?
A little...
It's okay. Isn't that right?
It poured down on him. The sudden strong rain.
I know of him too. In addition, this guy
Last year, even though his company found out and was mad,
he still continued producing and selling shady goods
And this time, in the style of Yazawa Eikichi,
T/N: Yazawa Eikichi is a Japanese singer and songwriter who had a strong influence on Japanese rock music
he made Tsukitei Hosei scarf towels !!
Who would buy those towels?!
What's more, it seems there were a lot of leftover stock
Shady goods...
I think you should stop doing it
Just drop it
Don't you think so?
So despicable...
You were able to say it
You've already been exposed, seriously.
Kento, pull yourself together
I just...
Just...
I wanted to hear the line about the sudden strong rain properly
It's all right
There are other people who should be better off dead too
Like this guy
Yeah, that's right.
This guy...
When he and his wife brought juniors out to eat,
at the time of payment, they would
argue over which of them would be the one to pay.
Thus, such a mini skit would start
At the longest, it would go on and on for around 20 minutes
How lame
He's a man using these mini skits to appeal that he has a good relationship with his wife!!
I know of him too.
In addition, this guy's recently been... fufufu
You're affecting her after all
It's affecting her
This is way too intense
She became unable to do her job
Saying the line again right?
In addition, this guy's recently been deteriorating fast due to age
When he brought his juniors to
a power spot deep in the mountains,
He left his mobile phone there and forgot about it
so he had to return to the power spot to retrieve it!!
So lame
You're such a grandpa!!
How terrible
Why did you accidentally leave your mobile at the power spot?
There are other people who should be better off dead too
Like this guy.
Yeah, this dude.
This summer he went to Disneyland
His daughter asked him to carry her backpack
...
You got this, man.
Try again
His daughter asked him to carry her backpack...
This one's gonna be good
Say it right!
You can do it.
One more time from the top
Alright
Don't let those guys freak you out
Just spit it out!
Come on, I believe you can do it
At least get my part right!
Right, him!
This guy...
This summer he went to Disneyland
His daughter usk- asked him to carry her backpack...
Messed up his line again
So this really buff old man
In a shirt five sizes too small
Walking around while carrying
a REALLY GIRLY backpack
he really was a muscle-brained idiot of a father!!
I know of this as well.
We have a picture of him at Disneyland
Isn't that just a pervert?!
Now that's scary
You're kidding!
This one is a fake right?
No, listen!
Things like this happen from time to time!
That's just messed up...
That entire situation is pretty messed up.
I'm stunned!
Ouch
N-no!
Shocking.
I can't take it, let's bail!
No, uh, take that with you please!
Why leave it?
I look like pretty soft here
It's only been one hour
An endless onslaught of punishments
keeps them on their toes
But those waiting in ambush
will not go easy on our 5 members!
We arrive at the next stop
Here we go
Oh boy
Wait what
Oh right!
It's this bit...
It's a standing mic?
Since the beginning we've had a clear goal
We would follow in Downtown's footsteps.
And at last we've managed to seize this one opportunity!
Translator's Note: Project X was an NHK documentary series
Doesn't he sound like the voice from Project X?
We've used a natural airhead
We were able to use funny costume routines as a punchline
But alas, we realized something.
Our pride as a manzai duo.
As long as we have one standing microphone
nothing else matters.
That said, can we even make them laugh?
Enter the duo: "Chidori"
Helloooooo!
How are you
Good morning!
This is amazing
Okay, so
I've got a scary story to tell.
Alright?
Chidori
Daigo . Nobu
A scary story, you say?
Yeah, I had to go to Kyushu for a job, right?
Kyushu eh?
So, turns out I have to stay overnight
I see.
So I booked a room at this hotel,
The place was completely run-down.
That's pretty creepy.
Well, what can you do?
So the doors opened like this.
Wait, were you in a spaceship?
Are you a spaceship crew member?
Are aliens stuck to you??
So I went to the hotel lobby and got my room key from Dracula
Oh my, it's Dracula?!
There's no freaking way Dracula would show up!
Creeeeeak
Just forget the sound effects.
So the moment I entered the room, well, I'm sure all of you get this feeling sometimes
But even though this room is supposed to be empty,
I felt someone's presence.
Pretty disgusting feeling.
Yeah, I was disgusted and tired, so I just wanted to sleep.
Right, sleep.
So I pushed aside the person on the bed.
Another mysterious being?
This is the second one!
So an hour passed
BOOM!
What happened?!
I was suddenly paralyzed!
Paralyzed?!
I couldn't move at all!
I could only look around like, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare, stare.
stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare, stare. stare, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare, stare. stare, stare. It's stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare, stare. stare, stare. It's stare, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare, stare. stare, stare. It's stare, stare, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare, stare. stare, stare. It's stare, stare, stare, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare, stare. stare, stare. It's stare, stare, stare, stare, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare, stare. stare, stare. It's stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, and stare.
We get the point!
Just say it 2 times!
He was right in front of my face.
What the hell.
It was A GHOST
What do you mean a ghost?
What do you mean?
T/N: Japanese ghosts are depicted with a white triangle cloth on their forehead due to ancient burial rituals for the deceased.
So a ghost with like the white triangle headband and all?
That was the dude who was on the bed.
That "dude" was a ghost!
Whatever, in any case it was this pitch black monstrosity!
But upon closer inspection in certain areas, it was solid black!
So it was just black?!
So it suddenly came towards me and disappeared right as it hit my face!
But before disappearing, it whispered right into my ear:
@#$%&!
What the hell does that mean?!
I legitimately didn't understand that!
It was so scary that I just lay paralyzed for an hour and five minutes
That's the important part
Just say "an hour"
Snap!
What?
Paralyzed again.
Oh that's scary.
The guy started talking to me
What guy?
With a sickle in his right hand.
Right..
And some rice in his left.
So just a farmer?!
Yeah, so the farmer rushed at me and disappeared the same way!
But again, before disappearing he clearly said right into my ear:
@#$%!^*)!&!
I didn't understand that either!
Just stop!
And thank you very much!
They didn't laugh!
Not even once!
So what should I do?!
Why did you want to accept this challenge?!
You're the one who "wanted to do comedy"
Oh no, I can hear them
Could you please stop?
What're we gonna do, it's the end of the damn year!
This is the same as "the death of another comedy joke"
C'mon, no one can pull it off
with some Eddy Murphy look-alike around!
Because he laughed.
Even though they've all laughed, please enjoy the routine
comment
You're supposed to be the straight man, but you're slow!
No way man, I did it right!
But they didn't laugh!
Don't interrupt me as if they're enjoying the joke!
You should comment after they've laughed!
We can all hear you!
What do you want me to do?!
You should try increasing the tempo a bit!
The reason they get no laughs:
Nobu is way too slow to react!
Faster?
Yeah!
Let's go with that then.
Just, like, go faster
Don't drag the skit!
Let's just go!
Hello!
Routine: Vol 2
Nobu's gonna be faster to react!
Thank you!
Right, got a scary story for you.
A scary story, sure.
I had to go to Kyushu for a job.
Gotcha, Kyushu!
Suddenly I had to stay overnight at a rundown hotel!
Oh man that's scary!
Yeah scary ok, so the door opened like this:
Are you in a spaceship?!
Are you a spaceship crew member?!
The alien's stuck to you!
And so Dracula-
DRACULA
HE CAME!
Creeeeeeaaaaak
No need for that!
So I was in an empty room but still felt a presence
Yeah know that feeling
So I was really tired and went to bed
Walking towards the bed, there was someone on the bed, so I shoved him aside---
Oh damn! Another one!
A second mysterious person!!
So I went to bed sorta like this, right?
It was way late at night!?
AT NIGHT!
I woke up and couldn't move!
Frozen stiff!
I could only look around - stare
I could only look around - starestare
I could only look around - stare, stare, stare,
stare,
We get the idea!
I could only look around - stare, stare, stare, stare, stare,
I could only look around - stare, stare, stare stare, stare, stare,
I could only look around - stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare,
I could only look around - stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare,
I could only look around - stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare,
I could only look around - stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare.
Just say it twice!
So when I was paralyzed, you remember what happened?
A ghost showed up with the hat and all!
That was just the guy on the bed
That was the ghost!
So I saw the pitch black monster and if I looked closely I saw more black-
IT'S BLACK BLACK, BLACK!
So it came at me and right before disappearing it said:
Sh-
I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
I didn't UNDERSTAND!
So an hour and some minutes later
Just say an hour!
Once again I was paralyzed! Saw the ghost!
Oh man!
Sickle in his right, rice in his left!
FARMER!
So again
It came at me, and just before disappearing:
You should have beat him up!
@#$%!^*)!&!
Thanks much!
What the hell?!
Fast! But still shit!
Can we stop here?
Fast! But still shit!
Why would you perform like shit at a crucial moment?!
That was really fast
Too fast to follow.
Why are you retorting
Yeah.
before I even finish the joke?!
T/N: Tommy's is an old manzai duo consisting of the two members, Ken and Masa.
During the Tommy's manzai
after Ken-san forgot one of his retorts
Ken-san began to
retort one joke ahead of Masa-san
That was pretty stupid
It's becoming like that!
He's being really strict.
He's really going at him
Masa-san realized that
so after that he restored it back to the previous joke
Ken-san, at that point, reverted to another previous one
And then ended up with a manzai in reverse
It's becoming like that!!
That's just bad-mouthing
Seriously?
Oh, one more thing.
The bit with "I don't understand you"
Yeah, the peak of the joke
Could you repeat the line I said
right after me?
When you go "That's the most important part"
Be sure to get it right.
So after you say @#$%!^*
Don't you DARE mock my ghost lines!
I thought of those lines really carefully!
Don't say it so thoughtlessly!
The reason they get no laughs:
His spooky lines are glossed over
So I should let them listen closely?
Exactly.
Just say "Let me hear that one more time"
It's the most important part, so if they don't hear it right, there's no point!
Let's do it!
Hellooooo!
Routine: Vol 3
Emphasize the ghostly lines
Thank you, thank you!
Truth be told, I got a scary story to tell.
Oh cool, let's hear it.
I was at a gig in Kyushu a while back
Right, right.
And I had to stay the night.
So I got a room at this worn-down hotel
Oh that's creepy.
But, no other options, I had to stay.
The doors opened like this
Wait, now you're in a spaceship?
Are you a spaceship crew member?
The aliens are stuck on you??
Then I went and got my key from Dracula.
Now we got Dracula!
We got ourselves a scary one!
Creeeeaaaak
No need for that, keep going.
I'm sure you've all felt this, but as I entered my room
Though the place should've been empty
I felt some kind of presence.
Not a good feeling...
True that, but I was tired so I went straight to bed
There was someone on the bed, so I pushed them aside
Another weirdo!
The second one!
So, in the dead of night
Yeah?
BANG
Hm? What?
Paralyzed.
Paralyzed?
My body wouldn't move!
But I could still look around like stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare, stare.
Stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare, stare. Stare, stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare, stare. Stare, stare, stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare, stare. Stare, stare, stare, stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare, stare. Stare, stare, stare, stare, stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare, stare. Stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare, stare. Stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare, stare. Stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, and stare.
Yeah we get it!
Just say it twice!
I saw, in front of me
What'd you see?
A real ghost.
Like with the white triangle and weird pose?
No, that's the guy that was on the bed
So it WAS a ghost?!
Yeah, but basically it was a completely and utterly black monster
I don't even know how to explain it
It was basically as black as can be!
But, if you looked closely you could also see some black.
Then it came lunging at me! And just before disappearing it said:
What?!
What even was that?!
I don't get it!
Why they didn't laugh:
A motorcycle went past at the most important part
Whatever, man. Thank you for listening!
100 points!
No way!!
That wasn't planned
That had to be planned
What was up with that bike?!
From now on whenever we do that comedy skit, at my punchline
everyone will hear the sound of that bike
"It would've been funnier if the bike vroomed by,"
they'd think, so the joke will fail
We can hear them so...
The timing was superb
It certainly was superb
Should've just quit that joke!
You need to consider the damn location!
What?!
What the hell do you think you're doing?!!
Was the narration back there
done by Taguchi-san?
It was, wasn't it?
The person responsible for the narration at the beginning was
Actor Taguchi Tomorowo, voice of "Project X"
Ahh, so it was Tomorowo-san
The tormenting commute is nearly over
as the police station is in sight
The long commute is nearly over
as they approach the police station
We're here?
Did we arrive already?
The group on the bus
saw the police station come into sight
There's still a long way to go!
However,
it is by no means their goal
Well, yeah...
It is their new battlefield
We arrived!!~
Oh no!
Ohh
The No-Laughing-Allowed division of the
Heipo State Omame Central Police Department
The group's fierce battle against the assassins begins as they
arrest heinous criminals at the police station of laughter
The group's fierce battle begins
as they arrest heinous criminals
at the police station where laughter is life or death
ARRIVAL TO THE POLICE STATION
Shall we get off then?
All right
Over here
Wow
The statue has changed from last year...
Everyone, this is Heipo State Omame Central Police Department
And this here
is the founder
Heipo Police
Founder of the police department
Heipo Police
Let's show respect
Attention
At ease
Shall we go?
Is there an explanation?
Can't you explain what kind of person he is, or something?
We don't have any history about such a thing!!
Is that so?
Such a thing...
Don't be rude
This place feels pretty high tech.
The police station entrance
Pretty good, eh?
3rd floor corridor
Over here
Omame Central is pretty spacious, isnt it?
Ah, please wait a moment.
You're kidding?
Fujiwara forgot the location of the room
There's no way it's that way
Please enter this room
It's clearly written on here
Shall we go inside?
We're here, we're here!
Fresh recruits' room
Woah
Alright everyone,
You'll see your names on the desk, take a seat there
and get settled in
There is clearly something suspicious there
Chucky
Hosei-san was deceived by this in the past
He has
Yeah
This is creepy, plus it's behind me
Oh my
Oh man
Oof
I want to take a piss...
What kind of setting is this, Hamada-san?
Me?
Well...
He stands out a lot...
He kind of looks like an outlaw
Yeah, but I feel really uncomfortable
This mustache is uncomfortable,
The insides of my ears feels gross
Well that...
Please don't say things like that
That won't do
I'd like to go to the bathroom but...
Yes, the bathroom...
I've had to go this whole time!
Is this how Omame Central does things??
Hey, Hamada!!
Yes?
You really like your outfit that much?
GO CHANGE
Right?
How nice!
How nice of him!
What the hell?
What the hell are you doing?
Are you stupid?
He's smiling all satisfied
I was just feeling thankful, so I'm just gonna...
You don't have to burn that image onto us
What? Seriously?!
C'mon
He's trying to burn that image in...
No way...
He leaves scars and then just walks off
Tanaka
is seriously the one...
who laughs a lot, but...
He was being vague
An hour and 30 minutes have passed since the start
An hour and 30 minutes since the start
Released from the destructive power of Hamada's face
The group is released from the destructive power of Hamada's face
After that, the 5 members
await the dreadful drawer traps!
However, after that
for them await the dreadful drawer traps!
An hour and 30 minutes of working at the police department
9:30 am
Before they start opening their drawers
the group waits for Hamada to change outfits
It's
good that that guy, Hamada isn't here
That's right
Because we're the ones who end up getting hit
You're right
It's a win for us all.
Right!
It's like a small break
It's just continuous
It's not like we can get by without talking at all
That's right
Changed to the bobbed hair wig
Why though?
Was there nothing normal to choose from?
That's not how your head usually looks
Just wear the usual
Keep your usual clothes on
Wouldn't that be fine?
Right!
Is that normal for you?
Well, if you ask me like that...
Can't you just refuse?
Even if I do refuse
Just take it off
With this
Everyone says it's "the usual"
No one says that's enough
I've been telling you this the whole time
What is this??
Really, what's with that face?
It's Tanaka's fault, it's because...
Tanaka, you're getting complacent
That's something
You're barking
That's not the case, though
Gorgeous!!
Well, let's keep going
I thought the outfit changing had already stopped
Is that so?
I was kind of expecting it
You were?
That's fine but, like
T/N: A cold perm is for creating curly/wavy hair.
why are you sporting a cold perm hairstyle?
Just recently you started getting cold perms
Yes, really
Since coming here
What the hell is this?
Oh, that's true
Since he's come here, it's been like that
Even though it was straight
Yeah thats right
Did you not notice?
It's a pretty strong perm
Yes, it's more styled
What is up with that?
Well, because it's fashionable
But
A wavy hairstyle might be better
To cover up this area
HOSEI'S HAIR HAS LATELY BECOME THINNER
Is that so?
If it were straight, it'd be more notic---
It would just part right down the middle
Tanaka, how is it?
It's incredible
Yep.
Let's stop it already
"Let's stop it already"...
Let's just stop it
Seriously, though
Yeah, let's
Yeah, in a place like this
Yes, it's kind of...
That's no good
What kind of smell does it have?
See?
He says something different again
The bald spot
I've never really smelled it
How about we carry you and smell it?
We'll pick you up,
you, Yamasaki
Carry?
Like a coffin
Shall we carry him?
Hmm?
I didn't think we'd actually do it
Why carry him like a coffin?
How should we do this?
Go and smell it
Hold me properly
Pffftt
Eh?
Hold on a minute
It stinks!
It stinks!!
What's with that smell?
How did we get here
Let's stop it already
What's wrong with this guy?
Ahh, scary
It was Yamasaki who did it, right?
Yes yes yes
Because he was being carried
What are you doing?
It stinks!!
It seriously stank
Because Hamada lifted me up like that
the poof came out
But still, doesn't it stink?
It can't be helped that it stinks
I only wanted to smell your head...
Seriously, what is this even?
It's enough already
Let's stop
We're old now
It's fine already
We'll smell it later
Where there won't be any cameras
I don't want to anymore
Why the hell
Now then
Everyone, I think we're all aware of this but
We've all got drawers...
Yep, every year.
Yeah
There's also a DVD player
DVD player
Let Tanaka open it
I'm not so sure about that
8 years of consecutive DVD thai kicking
Hotel
Spy
Airport
Teacher
EDF
Prison
Detective
Scientist
Earlier, Tanaka or myself have been
the first to open up our drawers
That's right
And then we just went around the table
Well, mind if I take the lead this year?
Matsumoto will be this year's first opener
I see
We don't know after all
Makes sense
It's always frightening
Yeah cause we have no idea what's inside
Okay come on, I'll try
I wonder if it will open properly this time
Last time it was so old it was hard to open
Nothing inside
Nothing in there
Oooh! There it is!
A DVD!
A DVD
I don't like this
A DVD, huh...
Mysterious DVD
A single DVD
Well it's pretty common in this part
This one's strange, there's usually a "1" or "2" written on the DVDs we get each year
but there's only "DVD" written on this one
I see
This gives me a bad feeling
We can't just avoid it and move on, right?
Well we'll have to watch it anyway eventually
Well, I think
It won't hurt that much just to watch this DVD, right?
Appearance OK Derby
Will our famous guests say yes to performing
while wearing an unexpected disguise?
These are the various discussions they had, filmed by our hidden cameras
Negotiations were filmed by a hidden camera
And the disguise they'll wear for us is...
Banana juice is completed! Foooooh!!
Razor Ramon HG
Three celebrities are the candidates!
Three celebrities will participate in this race!
Who among them will be the one to say yes to performing!?
What is it all about?
First one is this person
Good morning
It's a pleasure to work with you
The pleasure is mine
Please have a seat
Eeeh!?
Thank you
Ehh!?
Is he really doing this for us?
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Kobayashi Nenji
For his acting in the 1999 movie "Poppoya"
He received the Japanese Academy Prize as best male actor
A resolute actor with 55 years of activity
T/N: This footage in the background is from the movie released in 1999, "Poppoya" which means "Railroad Man". Directed by Yasuo Furuhata. Screenplay written by Yoshiki Iwama.
He was presented with the Japan Academy Prize as best male actor
by appearing in the movie "Poppoya"
55 years as a devoted actor
Our discussion with our famous guest acknowledged by Takakura Ken
Here's the discussion we had with the star
acknowledged by Takakura Ken himself about taking part on our show!
We're from the show "Gaki no Tsukai"
Have you ever seen it?
I have
Ah, we're glad to hear that
Of course I have
The one in which you dealt with kids, was it?
In which you made them go do the errands or such...?
That's a show called "Hajimete no Otsukai" (my first errand) and it's not "Gaki no Tsukai"
T/N: "Hajimete no Otsukai" is a variety show where kids (usually preschool or kindergarten age) are sent off to run errands alone. They are supervised with wireless microphones and hidden cameras to document how well they can accomplish the task given.
He mixed 'em up because of the word "Tsukai"
That's a show called "Hajimete no Otsukai" (my first errand) and it's not "Gaki no Tsukai"
I see, it's not "Gaki no Tsukai"
Ahh, "Otsukai" and "Tsukai"
I'm sorry
Yeah, it's that word
Do you happen to know Downtown?
Yes, of course
Matsumoto-san doesn't know me personally
I see
What about Hamada-san?
Yes, a long time ago
T/N: "Papa to Nacchan" (meaning "Papa and Nacchan") is a 1991 drama that is sequel to "Papa wa Newscaster" and "Papa wa Nenjuu Kurou Suru".
He appeared in the 1991 drama "Papa to Nacchan" with Hamada
We took part in "Papa to Nacchan"
Oh, that's right
Yeah, true
Oh right
What was your impression of Hamada?
Hmm, well
He felt like a neighborhood bully, and it felt good to look at him
Is that so?
He seems like those "kenkattare", as they call them in Kansai
T/N: "Kenkattare" is composed of the words kenka = fight, and -ttare = sort of like "person who would easily do X"
He seems like those "kenkattare", as they call them in Kansai
Yes
And what can you say about the duo called Cocorico?
I know their name, sure
Oh, really?
And what about Tsukitei Hosei?
Well...
Sorry
I haven't studied enough
He really hasn't studied enough, huh... Geez
Well it hasn't been long since you've changed your name, that's why
Yeah that's it
Well it hasn't been long since you've changed your name, that's why
He doesn't know who Hosei-san is...
I mean if he knew about us he would surely know him too
Yeah I-
I mean if he knew about us he would surely know him too
That's what I thought
I mean if he knew about us he would surely know him too
And so, our real question
We were wondering if you would give your consent to perform a comedy skit for us
A significant responsibility, isn't it?
An HG clip was shown to him so he would know what it's all about
Hard Gay has come~
More! More!
Mo~re! Oka~y!
So, what do you think of what you just saw?
I want to attempt it
That's what I thought
Huh?
His main feature is his high-pitched voice
What?
For real?
But I don't think you have such an high pitch...
That's not true at all
Ah
Foo~!
We'll have you wear his outfit for us and I'm sure if you came out like this in front of the five of them, it'll make them laugh their head off, no doubt
You know
Yes?
I don't really have comedic skills because I'm just a mere actor
But now that you ask me, I feel intrigued
Eh?
Negotiation ended
Thanks a lot
Eh?
Ehhh?!
The next person we discussed with is the following
'Morning
Good morning
It's a pleasure to work with you
It's a pleasure
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Kameda Shiro
A trainer-dad who raised his three sons to become world champions of boxing
The face he shows during matches or such is just like that of a demon
Are you wearing a goddamn diaper, you dumbass?!
Here's our discussion with a man who doesn't get jokes!
We're from "Downtown's Gaki no Tsukai", have you ever watched it?
Yes, I have
Downtown, love 'em
Oh, really?
Yeah I love them
What impression did you get from Downtown?
They're funny, 'cause they're from Kansai, you know
And I'm from Kansai too, so I get what they're saying
I think Kansai dialect's rhythm is funny
Is Kansai the only reason you like Downtown?
That's---
Can't help it, it's hilarious 'cause it's in Kansai dialect
T/N: Many comedians come from the Kansai region where their dialect is blunt and straight to the point, unlike Tokyo dialect which sounds more polite and can be intentionally vague.
The way you say that...
That's kinda disrespectful
The one I like is actually Yamasaki Hosei
Is that so?
Yeah, between them
What do you like about Hosei-san?
I think he's friggin' funny
He's hilarious whatever he does or doesn't
That's an OUT, you know
Is he an idiot?
You're OUT
He's smiling so happily
You can do better than that!
I think he could
And so, our real question
Razor Ramon HG
Razor Ramon?
The one who goes "Foh", yeah?
You know I'm teaching boxing to lil' kids in Kansai
If I do this
I'll just be asked to do the "Foh!"
If the kids don't listen to me anymore, what am I gonna do?
You see, my reputation
I think with this
My reputation will go amiss
Negotiation ended
The next one undergoing our interview is this person
I wonder how this will turn out
Good morning, it's a pleasure to meet you
Same here
What?
Thanks for being here
For real?!
How far are they going?
No way
Just how far?
Wait
It's the president
Ouch
The president
It's the company president!
She's a woman, you know
Yeah
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Director of APA Hotel Motoya Fumiko
Our next interview will be on President
Motoya Fumiko, director of APA Hotel
The President behind 438 Hotels in total in Japan
She's the woman leading the APA Hotel business,
Just amazing
which counts a huge business of structures in all Japan
Yes, impressive
APA Group Annual Turnover
The company's annual turnover is incredibly high, around a hundred billion yen!
110.5 billion yen
T/N: ¥110.5 billion is currently $1,005,550,000 USD (a little over a billion)
Have you ever heard of the "No Laughing" series?
Oh, "No Laughing" you said?.
Have you ever watched it?
Oh my yes, I have, it's a super popular tv show
The one in which if you laugh you're out, right?
Yes
The one where they're hit by a burdock root on their butt
A burdock root?
That one, right?
"Burdock"...
And here's our question
We were thinking about a disguise
Oh my
This is a tad extreme, isn't it?
What kind of situation is this...
I never really met him but I have seen him on television
Oh
Yes
I see
When it comes down to something we have to do, I believe it is my duty to do it for advertising purposes
But given that I have the responsibility to improve our brand through advertisements
Well, that's reasonable
Thus I'm unsure
Makes sense
Negotiation ended
It's a bit tough
I wonder what will happen
And so, who will give consent to dress as Razor Ramon HG between them?
T/N: This commercial break has snuck into this version of the video. Sit back and enjoy this bit of Japanese TV culture or feel free to skip to 19:31
Let's go anywhere
Even if the path is harsh
As we whistle, let's keep running on
Happiness is waiting
From beyond the sky
Hot!
Huff, huff, huff
Ahh
Mmmmmmh
Huff, huff, huff
Boiling and simmering
Ahh
Clear Asahi and today's hot pot
Aff yud ehpet (As you'd expect)
Aff yud ehpet vrom za mahihrate (As you'd expect from the magistrate)
It's black huh?
Top class richness and
Top class fragrance on
A top class night
Wouldn't you?
No wonder it's 3 stars
This is a huge line!
It's that kind of season
Huh? Kin-chan?
I've been in line for 3 days
What are you looking for?
The kind of love that's precisely for me
He's talking about love...
I'm really looking forward to "the one"
Introducing: iPhone X At au, it's 50% off
Precise, precise, precise, precise, precise, precise,
What's going on? Precise, precise, precise, precise, precise, precise,
Wanna go out?
Sure
Huh?
Does that mean... It's a yes?
Precise, precise...
Our Precise Plan with a smartphone
And so, who will give consent to dress as Razor Ramon HG between them?
Maaaan, this is just...!
Ok, Matsumoto-san, please answer this question!
I have to pick??
Looks like it became a quiz
Eh? What should I do?
Well considering the enthusiasm they show, probably the unexpected Nenji-san was the one who seemed likely
Yeah, he was positive about this
So I say Kobayashi Nenji-san!!
Eh?
Correct Answer: Now Entering
Ehhhhh?
Okay! Okay!
Okay! O~kay!
OKAAAYY!!
Razor Ramon Hard Gay Kameda Shiro
I'm doing it, can you believe it!?
The backbone of the Kameda family has arrived!!
Here we go!!
Kameda Shiro FOOH~!!
Thanks!!
No matter how you look at it, I'm the Osakan Hard Gay!!
Everyone, do you think this is funny?
I'm not doing anything terribly dangerous
Okaay!!
I'm the world champion Hard Gay, FOOH~!!
Okay okay
How many times is he gonna say okay??
That surprised me
Yeah, I wouldn't have expected that old guy to come...
That was interesting
He didn't seem to indicate any sort of interest in doing it
A lot must have happened behind the scenes
That was pretty amusing
That's the first time I've ever seen an old guy be that energetic
He kept saying "okay okay"
You laughed then
Hard Gay never said "Okay" all that often, right?
Say Say Say Fooh~!!
Should I go?
Yeah
Here we go...
Ahh
There's not a lot in these
Nothing
Recently Endo has…
It's here
Key #2
What is it?
Number 2?
This is Number 2
Over there
Here
Locker #2
This is kinda scary
It's pretty big
Yeah, no kidding
For sure, I'm tired of this
Here we go
Huge!
Mystery Confiscated Box
So it's this kind of setup
It's a heavy case
I wonder if we should see it too?
Might be that I'm the only one who should see it...
What kind of thing is it?
Is it something that you would use?
We should each look at it one by one
Since Hamada knows me better…
It's probably related to Endo's history
Yeah it is, isn't it
What? What? What?
You put it on your head, right?
What What What?
I'm getting scared
Probably best to look the other way and put it on
So I, uh...
There's another part to this
So I would like to try it once
Sorry, my apologies
It's something he uses
It's not something you look at, it's for Endo's use!!
I'm starting
Yeah, you'll see
It's Hiromi Chan
T/N: Iwasaki Hiromi is a J-Pop singer who debuted in 1975.
That's Iwasaki Hiromi, right?
Yeah
Cinderella Honeymoon
Anyone Can Be Iwasaki Hiromi Set
Looks just like her!
It's just like Korokke-san's acting
T/N: Korokke is a singer, actor, and comedian who specializes in doing impressions. He has appeared in the Spy Batsu.
Yes, it's just like Korokke-san!
Why Endo though?!
Of course we're gonna laugh at something like that!!
This is crazy
Do they even sell those?
Are they sold, I wonder
This has to be custom made
This is really well done
Anyone can be Hiromi-Chan
This was all I found
Hey Yamazaki, you wanna go next?
Tanaka's just going to get a DVD anyway…
Well… I hope not…
Well, since Matsumoto got one
Oh I have one too…
It's a key
Key #1
Number 1
Key number 1
Noo!
It's the same
Mystery Confiscated Box
Who is it gonna be?
Who IS it going to be?
If you look at the precedent
Tanaka could you come over here…
Yeah that's a good idea…
Yeah, I might see it on accident
You wear it, right?
Is it?
Yes
Who?
Let's look this way…
Wearing it is better…
Yeah
Huh?
What is this song?
Who sang this song?
Mikawa-san
Just wearing it is good enough
This one was good too
Anyone Can Be Kenichi Mikawa Set
T/N: Kenichi Mikawa is a Japanese enka singer who was popular in the 60's and 70's.
That face pisses me off!!
It really resembles him!!
It really does!
It's Korokke-san, doing an impression of Mikawa-san
That's kinda scary…
I realized too late...
You've hurt yourself this time
This is really expensive, right?
Definitely expensive
I should display Iwasaki's too
There's a third one
Locker #3
Since Matsumoto had the DVDs, maybe Tanaka has...
I might have the third one, guessing by the flow of things
Hey Endo
That angle... Could you stop it?
Could you face them the other way?
Let's line them up?
Put them in the boxes
Yes yes, please
They're so well made, so better to show them
Ohhhhhh heh heh…
That's not fair
Korokke-san is too powerful
Amazing
Let's stop this…
The combination of these two...
Please put them back in the boxes!
Put them away
Okay, should you go Tanaka?
Yeah, I'll open
Sasoriza no onna~
T/N: The song that Matsumoto is singing is "Sasoriza no Onna" ("Scorpio Woman"), which is one of Kenichi Mikawa's hit song.
Really?
A DVD…
Here it is!
Mystery DVD 1
I thought that because Matsumoto had one…
It says "1" on it
It's labeled, "DVD 1"
That's true
Mystery DVD 2
An attack on Tanaka
It wouldn't be a real Batsu without these, y'know…
It could be another Appearance OK Derby
Yeah, it could be something completely different too
Starting from the first
Please cut this out
This DVD is a detective simulation game
Please select the best answer that will solve the case with A or B
It's all on you, Tanaka
You are the only one who decides the outcome
Me?
Game Start
Heir to the Inn
Satomi
Why…?
Long Standing Inn
Steaming Murder Mystery
Investigation Begin
Tanaka
My name is Tanaka Naoki.
I'm a field detective for Itohama Police Station.
This case has a very troublesome smell about it…
Can I help you?
Please wait a moment!
Tanaka-senpai
Could you not leave before me?
Understudy Detective Nakamura Shunsuke
Why do you leave me behind?
But, a murder at such a reputable hot springs inn is just…
Just what could have happened…
Anyway, this case's first witness is the inn's Senior Hostess
Let's go ahead and get her
Excuse me!
Yes!
Welcome
Senior Hostess Akimoto Naomi
Thank you for coming from so far away
Tanaka
This is the inn's senior hostess, Akimoto Naomi
She managed the inn with the murdered heir, Satomi, along with 2 others
Sorry to get straight to the point, but…
Could you tell us the details of how you found the body?
I found her in the middle of the night at 2am
It was a matter of hours. Prior to that she was happily doing her work
Did you notice anything weird about her recently?
Now that you mention it, she has been arguing with a fellow waitress
Even if I were joking, you're the heir!
How can you have such an attitude in front of customers!?
Huh?
What is the matter?
Doesn't it stink?
It could be that dirty detective
You smell like garbage
Do you regularly shower?
Just end it right there
That's a painful line isn't it?
Yeah… So rude
You smell like garbage
Do you regularly shower?
Never mind that Tanaka-senpai
What will you do next?
Never mind that
Could you please let me use your bath?
Please let me meet with the waitress you mentioned
※Please read and choose with your gut feeling
Choice 1
You have to do it with feeling
Please let me meet with the waitress you mentioned
She should be in the communal bath
This is the scene of the murder, right?
That's right... huh?
Only our new recruit is here
Sorry to interrupt
Hello?
I understand, I'll be right there
What's wrong?
Apparently our cook and driver are having an argument in the kitchen
Senpai, let's go
This is interesting
Rookie, you should come too!
Stop it!
That hurts!
What are you doing!?
Driver
Hotaru Yukijiro
You can't fool me
You're the one who murdered Satomi-chan!
This is an amazing cast
Cook
Murata Takehiro
Shut up!
How long will you keep saying that?
Stop it, both of you!
Stop it! Rookie, help me stop them!
Stop it!
Waitress
Nakajima Hiroko
Stop it already!
I know everything
Murata-san, even though you have a wife, you had an affair with Satomi
What are you saying?
And on top of that
You even got her to repay your debts
You killed her, right?
When the woman who had always done what you wanted tried to break up with you
You lost your temper and killed her, right?
Wh...y...?
Newbie Cleaner
Thai Kick
Huh?
What is this? "Thai Kick"...?
Thai Kick-san
Stop it!
Thai Kick-san
Shut up, if it's come to this...
I'll escape no matter what
It's the climax
Stop resisting and turn yourself in
Why would I turn myself in now?
Get a car ready
If you don't hurry up, I will kill him
Tanaka-senpai... What should we do?
Shoot!
Put down your guns and negotiate
※Please read and choose with your gut feeling
Choice 2
This is hard
This is a hard one
I think even so...
Put down your guns and negotiate
I got it
Let's talk
We don't have anything to talk about
Quickly... Get a car ready
Senpai...
Tanaka
Let's arrest him!
You're arrested on suspicion of murder
Thai Kick!
Thai Kick...
I'm so glad! So glad!
They keep calling him Thai Kick-san...
Thai Kick
T/N: "Thai Kick-san" is speaking in Thai.
Thank you! Thank you!
It's all thanks to you!
It's good that you weren't hurt
Yeahhh
Now that it's all over, I feel quite hungry
Senpai
Shall we get some ramen on the way back?
Of course, it'll be your treat
Tanaka
Hahaha
Thai Kick
Quit laughing Tanaka! The case may be solved but
1 person died! You're in for a thai kick!
This is crazy
Ah, Thai Kick-san is here
Isn't this crazy?
Really
Of all the thai kicks up until now, isn't this the cruelest?
It's dangerous
You shouldn't move around
Maybe you made a mistake somewhere?
That's right, one of your choices
Yeah, amongst the A B, A B
You should've shot him!!
That's right
No, no, no, no, wait a sec
Do I have to get thai kicked for that?
Just stay still!
Your choice was wrong
Ouchhhhh!!
That would've hurt
It hurt
What are you doing?
Ouch!
It hurts, doesn't it?
It hurts right? Every year, huh?
Ow
Me as well!?
It's such a turn off, Tanaka's reaction!!
It was perfect
That hurts
But...
It's like this all the time
Yeah, it's inevitable
Still...
Wasn't that harsh?
The leadup to the Thai Kick?
It's because you chose wrong
You chose wrong
You have to shoot. If you shot then, it would've been over!!
See! You chose wrong!
Shoot!
Put down your guns and negotiate
Chapter Menu
You can re-select once more
Choice 2
You can choose once more!
Does this mean that I have to try once more?
I thought so
I thought it was the wrong answer
In this situation it's best to just shoot, you can't help it
It's best to shoot!!
Shoot!
I got it
I don't know how it will turn out
Thai Kick, get down!
Stop it!
He...
Killed Satomi-chan for my sake
Shut up Naomi!
He...
Shouldered my debt, and ended up going so far to repay it
Shut up!
This...
It's all my fault
Quickly, get a car ready!
This bit is the same
So this is the same
You!!
It's changed
You have to quickly shoot
It's different!
Watch out!
Stop it!
Watch out!
Thai Kick!
Tanaka
Let's arrest him!
Saa
ne
mu
ri
na
sa
i
C
o
m
e
n
o
w
,
f
a
l
a
s
l
e
p
Saa
ne
mu
ri
na
sa
i
Come now, fall asleep
ne
mu
ri
na
sa
i
Tsu
ka
re
ki
t
ta
ka
ra
da
wo
na
ge
da
shi
te
L
a
y
d
o
w
n
y
o
u
r
t
i
r
e
d
b
o
d
y
Tsu
ka
re
ki
t
ta
ka
ra
da
wo
na
ge
da
shi
te
Lay down your tired body
ka
re
Understudy Detective
Nakamura Shunsuke
ki
t
ta
ka
ra
da
wo
Senior Hostess
Akimoto Naomi
na
ge
da
shi
te
Look, Thai Kick is gone!
A
o
i
so
no
ma
bu
ta
wo
L
e
t
m
e
g
e
n
t
l
y
c
l
o
s
e
A
o
i
so
no
ma
bu
ta
wo
Let me gently close
o
So there was no Thai Kick for this one!
Waitress
Nakajima Hiroko
i
so
no
ma
bu
ta
wo
Ku
chi
bi
ru
de
so
t
to
fu
sa
gi
ma
shou
y
o
u
r
p
a
l
e
y
e
l
i
d
s
w
i
t
h
m
y
l
i
p
s
Thai Kick is gone!
Ku
chi
bi
ru
de
so
t
to
fu
sa
gi
ma
shou
your pale eyelids with my lips
Driver
Hotaru Yukijiro
chi
bi
ru
What is this...
de
Wow
Cook
Murata Takehiro
so
t
Thai Kick fell off
to
fu
sa
gi
ma
shou
Rookie Cleaner
Thai Kick
You are arrested on suspicion of murdering Yamashita Satomi
Junior Hostess
Ogoshi Natsumi
This was the good one
Ko
no
ma
chi
wa
se
n
jo
u
da
ka
ra
T
h
i
s
t
o
w
n
i
s
a
b
a
t
l
e
f
i
e
l
d
Ko
no
ma
chi
wa
se
n
jo
u
da
ka
ra
This town is a battlefield
no
This was the good one
If I chose right, I wouldn't have gotten kicked
ma
chi
wa
Waitress A
Shimojo Mana
So you were really wrong
se
n
jo
u
I was actually wrong
Voice-overs
Taguchi Tomorowo
da
ka
ra
It can't be helped
O
to
ko
wa
mi
n
na...
a
n
d
a
l
t
h
e
m
e
n
a
r
e
.
O
to
ko
wa
mi
n
na...
and all the men are...
to
ko
This was a high class cast
wa
Ending Theme
"The Madonnas' Lullaby"
Iwasaki Hiromi
mi
n
na...
Huh?
Tanaka! Tanaka! Tanaka!
Thai Kick
Hey! Because of you guys I got drenched!
Whose orders was it? Was it you!?
No, no, it wasn't me
It was Tanaka-senpai's orders
Thai Kick
Tanaka!! So it was you, bastard! Thai kick!
Wasn't I supposed to be safe from a thai kick?
If you keep running away he will just do it harder
Really
I will tell him to hold back
Gently please, kick him gently
See, see!
He nodded yes
Hurry up and put your hands down
Thai Kick-san...
You'll do it slowly for him right?
See
It'll be fine
Gently please
Gently please!!
Hurry it up
Owwahaha!!
Ahh, it hurts...
It's because you complain!!
That's right
Not even his voice comes out now
Tanaka
It's because you complain!!
Do I also have to get hit?
Tanaka
It's inevitable, Tanaka
Right?
But it was amazing
The second time I was watching from nearby
I thought he went easy on you the second time
Yeah, that's what we kept saying
How was it?
Do it gently
It was about the same amount of pain
But Tanaka, there is one more
There is one more
This isn't a Thai Kick, I think
It really does hurt.
The drama has concluded for now, right?
It's over, right?
What an extravagant cast!!
Right
Mhmm
That's right
This shouldn't be...
It looks like the same though
Long Standing Inn
Steaming Murder Mystery 2
Investigation Begin
Tanaka-senpai
This one was a tough case
Let's return to the station
What's that?
Let's go have a look
What is it? What happened?
Hotaru-san is...
What the hell is going on here?!
Senior Hostess, explain this
I don't know
When I came to clean the public bath with Thai-Kick-san Hotaru-san was already lying there
For now, we'll inspect the scene of the crime
Nakamura
The name of the murderer must have been written here
※Please read and choose with your gut feeling
The bath towel is suspicious!
The bath bucket is suspicious!
Choice 3
This... I mean, let's...
Shouldn't we discuss this first?
This is a case of a dying message, right?
Yes
Under normal circumstances the towel would be obvious...
Exactly
Since the towel is long...
This choice is towel, right?
If we have to go with normal intuition. But there is also reverse logic
If we go normally, right?
Tanaka, you better choose one.
Going the orthodox route, I would say
the bath towel is suspicious
I see.
Hamada
T/N: The character 田 is the same character for "Ta" in "Tanaka" and "Da" in "Hamada". Since it looks the same from all angles, it looked like it was going to say "Tanaka".
Hamada
Huh?
The culprit is Hamada
Thai Kick
Hamada Thai Kick!
No, no, no, no way!
You're kidding me!!
Tanaka, nice choice!!
Can't be
But it said so... Hamada was written there
No way!?
Wait a bit.
Do it gentl-
Ahhhhhh!!
A face like that exists?
It hurts so bad...!
It's no longer just someone else's problem...
Well that's how it is
I guess you're right
Someone has to take it
That's true
Seems painful
It gets to you
What a...
What a face you're making.
It hurts it hurts it hurts...
Does it?
So it does hurt
This is becoming scary
You can re-select once more
The bath towel is suspicious!
The bath bucket is suspicious!
Choice 3
From there?
Please stop this
This can't be real
Isn't it enough now that Hamada is the culprit?
I will choose
I'm also scared of Hamada's facial reaction
The bath bucket is suspicious
We're counting you
I haven't felt this kind of pain in a long time
Please stop
This is the worst feeling
Tana-
Matsumoto
So direct
You are the next one. They are aiming for all of us
This decision determines the punishment
Thai Kick
Matsumoto Thai Kick!
Could you put a little more thought into this?
Let's all make some space
For how long will this go on?
My breathing...
My breathing has stopped!
Quiet down
Quiet down already
Ahhhhh!!
Drool is coming out!!
What's up with this face.
My balls are gonna come off!!
Really??
No, really
It really hurt
That's right
Right in this moment
Yeah
You are so loud, jeez
My balls came off!!
You're fine, they're fine
They can't come off like that
It's fine
They are securely hanging on there
That looked like it hurt
True pain!!
3 hours since the beginning.
3 hours since the beginning
Even the 54 year old Downtown members have been shown no mercy
No mercy has been shown to the 54 year old Downtown members.
After this, the punishments won't get any lighter!!
However after this, the punishments won't get any easier
Police station duties: 3 and a half hours
Serving at the police station for 3 and a half hours
There is no time for breaks for the beginners
Listen up, guys
To strengthen the bond between your American police partners
a recreational event has been arranged
There it is
Please change into these clothes and get ready
There it is
A recreational event with their fellow American Policemen
To strengthen the bond between fellow American policemen
they will participate in a recreational event!!
The purpose of the different colored shirts is...
Everyone, from here on it will be a recreational event. So you can laugh
Auditorium
Special rule
During recreation laughing is OK!!
Have fun
Okay
The five newcomers have been divided into two teams
Hamada Masatoshi
Endo Shozo
Hakata Hanamaru
Kikuchi Ami
Matoba Kouji
Lotti Nakaoka
Captain
Miyasako Hiroyuki
Captain
Fujimoto Toshifumi
Matsumoto Hitoshi
Tsukitei Hosei
Tanaka Naoki
Cunning Takeyama
Shinohara Shinichi
Takizawa Karen
Team Miyasako vs Team Fujimoto
Let's open the curtain for this passionate battle
Sparks will fly! Electric shock sumo!
Kuno Shizuka
(Nippon TV Announcer)
Chihara Junior
Assistant
Sparks will fly!
Electric Shock
Sumo
What?
Shocking... What?
We will make a representative from each team
Sparks will fly! Electric Shock Sumo!!
A representative from each team will have to compete in hand-pushing sumo to win.
come to the front and compete in hand-pushing sumo
What?
But this isn't your regular hand-push sumo
The hand-push sumo will occur with an electric current to zap you!
All while electrical current runs through them
Why would we do such a thing?
The first to fall off the platform loses
The last person to stay on the platform wins
For each win, I will administer a point to the team
First off from Team Miyasako: Nakaoka
Lotti Nakaoka
Team Miyasako
From Team Fujimoto it's Tanaka.
Tanaka Naoki
Team Fujimoto
Oh no!
Do your best in the battle of thin hair
That's actually true
Thin hair battle
How confident are you?
Thin hair battle
Thin hair battle!!
So loud
You don't have to say it over and over. We heard you
Repeat until someone laughs
Is this okay?
To start off
we will have the electric current run through you.
So scary.
we will have the electric current run through you.
Please wait
It's already sparking
You're just saying that
It's fine
Really!?
Yes, really!
For now, we're going to have you build up all the electricity!
Nakaoka, hands behind your back.
Hands behind you.
Holy smokes!! Your hair!!
That's too scary!!
What's up with that?
Will we really be okay?
That's pretty extreme
This is too much
This is definitely dangerous!!
Let's begin. Electric Shock Sumo... Start!
I'm scared!!
Let's go!?
Ok?
Let's get going already
Let's go
Ahhh, I'm scared!!
What should we do? Are we doing it?
Yes. Go ahead
Okay... Here I go...
This ain't even a proper battle
Both of them can't do it
Draw!!
I can't stand it!!
Can't do it
Since it's a draw
we have to change players
Miyasako Hiroyuki
Team Miyasako
Cunning Takeyama
Team Fujimoto
I can't do it.
Beginning to bald battle
Purification ceremony battle
I have no relation to purification ceremonies
You did one, once
Photo-taken-in-bed battle!!
That was so many years ago!! I finished it already!!
The bed wasn't in the photo
No wait, I shouldn't say "the bed"
No, the bed was in the picture too!
It was!
The bed was in the photo
I'm the kind of guy to sleep alone
Takeyama is also the type to sleep alone
Seriously, wait a minute
I'm scared!!
Those who sleep alone in bed battle!!
What kind of battle is that?
If we are talking about sleepers then we all are
Get ready
Go Take-chan!!
Do your best, Miyasako!!
Okay, let's get the electric current going!
Will the glasses be fine?
It's fine
I can hear it sparking.
Let's start the hand-push sumo
Attention
Alright, the hand-push sumo...
Yes, loser!!
Miyasako loses!
I win! I win!
Miyasako loses!
Yes!
Wait wait, but...
The machine touched you I think?
Did it?
So what happens?
So that doesn't count, let's go again
That's scary man
Did it touch me?
I don't know who you are, but I'll kill you
Don't kill him, don't kill him
You can't say that
You can't say that!
Don't you dare touch me with that!
Miyasako-san, make sure you don't move please
Okay
Okay, let's go!
It's right behind you now, Miyasako
It's directly behind you
Alright then, here we go, Electric Shock Sumo, start!
Don't, don't, please don't!
My body would struggle with this...
Takeyama, go!
Wait, wait, wait..
Go!
Oh god...
I don't know who won...
What the hell man...
DRAW!
Battle of the ladies!!
This'll be good
We're counting on you, Ami-chan!
You can do it, Karen-chan!
Team Miyasako
Team Fujimoto
Kikuchi Ami
Takizawa Karen
It's the battle of the ladies for the third round... Who will win...
Go for it!
This is so scary
Go for it!!
Karen!!
Stop saying it like Helen would!!
T/N: Helen refers to Nishikawa Helen, who appeared in the Prison Batsu as the prison director.
Wait, wait, wait, wait
Start!
Wait, wait, please stop!
What should I do...
Go, go, go
I'm scared!
I don't want to!
Come on, go for it!
Don't do it!!
That was normal
That was just regular hand push sumo!!
Karen, what happened?
I didn't feel anything...
You should have...
The electric current was pointed at her back, right?
Wait, isn't this like seriously bad?
There was like no sound
You faked it, huh?
No, really! No, but really!
She says she didn't feel a thing, but the joke got better
She didn't feel it
Her hair is still sticking up, so she hasn't discharged the electricity
I'm serious, it may have not looked it but it all hit me at once...
Your nasty side has really come out here...
Team Fujimoto wins this round!
Team Fujimoto wins!
But seriously, it was so scary!!
Koji Maba
Shinohara Shinichi
Team Miyasako
Team Fujimoto
Last round is Koji Maba vs Shinohara Shinichi. What will happen?
Right then, if you would start with the electricity...
Battle of the cheekbones!
That's only Shinohara-san!
Right then, Electric Hand Sumo..
START
My back feels cold, my back feels cold
Seriously, it feels cold
Wait, wait, wait...
Ow damn it!
Ow!!
Watch
Ow, ow, ow
It touched my d***
He got him there!
What the hell
It really hurts...
Don't scratch it!!
Again!
Shinohara-san, stop being so scared
I think it'd be funnier if they did a "battle of the d***s"
It REALLY hurts, Matsumoto-san!!
But I'm sure it's good for your privates...
Oh man, it's coursing through me!
Nether Regions Shock Sumo start!
Slowly, okay?
Slowly...
Okay
It REALLY hurts
It really hurts
Why'd you jump off?!
Stay on there!!
Winners, Team Miyasako!
Team Miyasako wins!
Team Miyasako
Team Fujimoto
After the first round, they're tied. Who will win?!
Sharpen your nerves! Pistol Bang Bang!
Sharpen your nerves!
Pistol
Bang Bang!
What the hell is this?
First, make your right hand into a pistol and with your left hand, touch your thumb and index fingers like a target
Have your right hand as a pistol, your left hand as if it were your opponent
Sharpen your nerves! Pistol Bang Bang!!
When you hear the pistol's bang, switch your hand's poses
When you hear bang, you switch the actions on the hands
Please don't practice right now.
When you screw up the pose or can't keep up with the rhythm, you're out
When you screw up or can't keep up with the rhythm, you are OUT
The winning team will receive a huge game-changing 300 points!
Game-changer!
URRRRRUUUUFFUIIII
Since you are being noisy, I'm taking away 400 points
Sweet!
Team Fujimoto -400 points
Do it again!
This is unbearable...
First, so you know what the rhythm will be like
Junior-san will do a demonstration
Please don't practice, just watch me.
Right then, please start!
Pay attention to the rhythm
Can he do it...?
It's easy!
We can do this
I think I could do this
It's so easy...
It's SO easy...
It really is...
Oh, it gets faster...
It might be easier when it's faster
First round is Miyasako vs Takizawa. Miyasako is up first.
1st round
First
Second
Miyasako Hiroyuki
Takizawa Karen
Right then, let's get started. First up is Miyasako-san
Pistol Bang Bang... Start!
No no, not yet
Hit Count
Not yet
Out...
Scary!!
When you hear bang, you switch them...
You're out...
Wait, this is scary, hold on a minute...
Hits: 0 times
You are OUT
That's terrifying!
Takizawa-san, you are up!
What is this?!
You're kidding, I totally thought I got it
What can you actually do?..
I couldn't do it...
You are the youngest one here, okay?
Yup!
You're confident, huh?
Yup!
Well then, Pistol Bang Bang... Start!
You got this!
Don't think about anything
Hit Count
Her hands are weird...
Huh?
Good
That's good
We've already won
It's just about score now...
Point your finger at the target
Amazing
Amazing!
Winner: Takizawa Karen
I did it!
It was so easy...
Easy? It should be like this guys!
Thank you very much!
Thank you!
Hamada vs Matsumoto!!
Come on!!
First
Second
Hamada Masatoshi
Matsumoto Hitoshi
The final battle
The 54 year old Downtown battle. The deciding battle has been left to these two...
You can do this, right?
Of course!
You can do it, right?
I can!
I definitely won't lose
Right then, let's go
What score are you aiming for?
10 times
He says he's going to get 10
There's no way I'm gonna lose
Hamada-san's Pistol Bang Bang... Start!
His face is so close to his hands...
That's the face of a loser...
Hit Count
So close...
The transmission between your brain and hands is so slow!
Why don't you just do it a few times?
He looks a bit shocked...
Even if he screws up, just keep going...
In this situation...
Pistol Bang Bang, start!
Hit Count
Nope
That's enough
No no, he can still do it
It's fine!
You're doing great!
He did it!
You can do it!
THAT'S ENOUGH!
There's nothing I can do!!
Just show you can do it and let's end this!
Please do it for us!
It'd be better if he actually could do it and end this
Whew, that was funny
What are you aiming for, score wise?
I am aiming for like...
12 or 13 times, I think I can do that
You want to get into double digits for sure
Right then, Matsumoto-san's Pistol Bang Bang... Start
We're counting on you
Hit Count
What?!
See...
That's the worst so far
It's you at the fish market!
T/N: He's referring to how it looks like Matsumoto is bidding for tuna at the fish market
He's at the fish market!
Who's at the damn fish market!
He's bidding!
That's just weird...
The first bid...
Let's make him do it a few times
Okay, let's do it again
That was the worst so far
Come on now...
Just let me carry on trying!!
Just let me carry on, okay?
He looks like he became a Visual Kei band member
T/N: Visual Kei refers to a Japanese music/fashion style that was popular in the 90s. Bands/artists like Dir En Gray, Malice Mizer, and Miyavi are some examples. Many photos feature Visual Kei artists with unusual hand gestures.
Right then, let's go
Just let me carry on
Pistol Bang Bang... Start!
Hit Count
What is this?
He can do it if it's on that side
He screwed up...
Your face... Come on
What are you even doing?
He's just messing around!
He was totally messing around!
THE END!
And with that!
You're both old men!!
After over four hours of working
After four straight hours on the job
They finally have a moment to rest
I wonder, why do your eyebrows furrow when you're angry?
You mean like this?
Exactly
When you see something bad or gross, that you hate
Your body goes "Please no!" and tells your eyes to narrow
And because of that, it goes:
Like this...
What an idiot
Like this?
That face was great
"Like this?" he said...
I thought I did pretty well though...
That's not what I mean
When you're mad you wanna appear huge
So, look big and strong, you mean
When you have to look big, your entire body goes like:
To appear menacing right?
Like when a cat goes "HISS" at you
You know, like "HISSSSS"
Try doing it twice in a row
Why the hell?
Getting pretty weird
I don't even know why I asked that
This is weird
Right?
That was pretty funny
When you, uh
Only say it once, it's pretty lame, right?
Even just once, what if you made a really menacing face?
Would that be funny?
Maybe? Please try it.
I still think one time isn't funny
Just try looking REALLY intimidating
Even from the side, it was hilarious
Even looking from the side it was hilarious
That face was amazing!
Awesome
That sure was intimidating
That was amazing
That felt intense
You could feel the menace right?
Awesome!
Yeah!
Scary good
Really?
Yeah
Felt to me like I have to keep out of your territory
That got out of hand
Appearance OK
Derby!
Next up on the derby, this character!
Pear juice SPRAY! Thanks-nashii!!
T/N: Funassyi is a Japanese mascot character that represents the city of Funabashi in the Chiba prefecture. Funassyi is a pear fairy and is one of the most famous mascot characters.
Funassyi
Funassyi!
It wasn't over
Confidential
These three famous people enter the fray!
For this character, we've called out three famous people!
Who will agree to play this character!?
Which one of them will agree to play as Funassyi?
First up
Welcome
Please have a seat
Who is it?
No way!
Saigo Teruhiko
Saigo Teruhiko!
His singing career took off in 1964
He is also the father of Emiri Henmi
A singer who debuted in 1964
Saigo Teruhiko
Yukio Hashi
Kazuo Funaki
These three men were called Gosanke!
T/N: "Gosanke" is a phrase used for 3 individuals who were cream of the crop for a particular talent or skill.
Gosanke, the famous original idols!
In their time they enjoyed immense popularity as idols!
Will this veteran singer with 53 years of experience accept? Negotiations open!
Watch, as we negotiate this role with a giant of the industry!
No way!
We're from the "Don't Laugh Series." Have you ever seen the show itself?
I have
I see, thank you.
So, let's talk about Funassyi
I don't know about this one...
Funassyi...
This is too much
What about it?
Would you be interested in dressing as Funassyi
and appearing in front of the cast?
Let's have him watch a video of Funassyi
For confirmation, we'll show him a video of Funassyi
There's no way
Agreed
It's not like him
HYA-HAA~!
FUNASSYIII~
Would I have to jump that high?
Based on what you saw, what do you think?
Honestly, I'm speechless
I can't imagine myself in that suit
Negotiations ended
Ah!
It's just a bit too much
I don't think he'll go for it
I see
Next, we talked with this person:
Good day
Please sit in the middle
Alright
Thank you
Thank you for coming
Thank you
A director...?
Thanks for coming in this morning
Director
Yamazaki Takashi
Next, the film director, Yamazaki Takashi
T/N: Cast - Masato Sakai, Mitsuki Takahata, etc. Director/Screenwriter/VFX - Yamazaki Takashi. Original Work - Ryohei Saigan's "Destiny: The Tale of Kamakura" (Serialized in "Monthly Manga Town", published by Futabasha.)
His latest work is "Destiny: The Tale of Kamakura"
Which has been a big hit and is now showing in theaters!
HEY YOU!
Always: Sunset on Third Street
Japan Academy Prize for Director of the Year!
He was awarded the Japan Academy Prize for Director of the Year for directing Always: Sunset on Third Street
He's the man who will be managing the opening and closing ceremonies for the Tokyo Olympics and Paralympics
Negotiations with the world-famous director: begin!
We'll pose the same question to this director who will be representing Japan!
How much do you know about Downtown?
Well, Matsumoto has done some directing too
I get the impression that his works cut deep into many issues
What about Hosei, Endo and Tanaka?
Tanaka is interesting, a good actor. His range as an actor is great
He's heard of you
He can play characters with split personalities really well
What about Endo?
He's just some baseball fan I think
I'm not that shallow...
On top of that, all he could say is you're a fan
A baseball fan
If only he could've...
Nice hit!
Well, can't do much about it, let's just keep going
On to the main issue
Now, we'll ask the question
Here's what we got for you, Funassyi
Huh? A full body suit?
If you decide to accept, we'll change it a bit
We'd want your face to show, so that the members can see you
Really? That much?
They'll change it for him
It's just something to consider...
Negotiation ended
Next up, this person
Good morning!
Hello
Thank you for coming
Sanyuutei Enraku
You're joking...
T/N: Rakugo comedians take on the name of their mentor. Sanyutei Enraku the 6th was mentored by Sanyutei Enraku the 5th.
With the historical Rakugo surname,
he's inherited the name, Sanyutei Enraku the 6th
He has inherited the historical Rakugo name that's been passed down since the Edo period
who is now known as Sanyutei Enraku the 6th!
Shoten
Tachibana Sakon
He's appeared in the famous Shoten for 40 years!
One of the longest running variety TV series in Nihon TV's history
And he's performed on it for 40 years!
Negotiations with the leader of Rakugo: begin!
We'll now negotiate with the Tokyo leader of Rakugo!
What kind of image do you have of Downtown?
Well...
Comedians have a front for the public and a back of their real selves.
Downtown has a respectable back side
Hamada might appear rude on the surface,
but behind that facade, he's a good guy who is supportive
He's a good role model,
and I've liked Downtown since they debuted
What about Cocorico?
They're just bugs profiting off Downtown.
They haven't tried hard alone, though I'd like to see that happen
What the hell
He's saying whatever he wants
Wait...
He's blunt
That was sudden
That was so unexpected!!
This was a bit much
Frightening...
He just said that out of the blue
I'm a bit scared
Yeah
Also, somewhat related
You know Hosei's way of making a name for himself?
The way he just sprinted towards Rakugo, I can respect that
We performed together, and I listened in on his show
You could really tell that he knows himself and loves the art
His love for Rakugo shows and it is a part of his act
and he truly embodies every story he tells
People who watch TV might not be familiar
This is ridiculous
People who watch TV might not be familiar
with his stage act, but he really is good
On to the main issue
Now we pose the question
He just laughed, didn't he?
So, concerning this character
Looks like Taihei
T/N: Hayashiya Taihei is another Rakugo comedian.
Hayashiya Taihei
Would you dress as Funassyi and appear on the show?
Funassyi~! Eh?
Would they laugh if I did this?
I think there's no doubting that
I believe so
If I'm doing it we'll do it right.
Negotiation ended
Thank you
I'm not sure here
No clue
Who will dress up as Funassyi
and appear on the show?!
Who among these could have accepted the offer?
Same
Who will dress up as Funassyi
and appear on the show?!
Who among these could have accepted the offer?
Hosei, your turn to answer!
Hosei, please answer the question!
This is hard
The one most against it was Saigo, right?
You think he'd do it?
Then, it's Saigo!!
You think?
And the answer is:
Kya-hoo~!!
Funassyi
Saigo Teruhiko
Teruhiko-nashii
You got it!
Cool!
Wow
T/N: Funassyi's name is based on the word "nashi" which means pear. To sound more cute, Funassyi ends their sentence with "nasshi".
I decided to appear on the No Laughing show-nashii~!!
He's completely different from before
This isn't like him
What the hell are you making him do?
This is too much
Yeah, really
Kazuo Funaki
Neither Funaki
Yukio Hashi
or Hashi
Those two wouldn't ever get this job-nashii~!!
those two wouldn't ever get this job-nashii~!!
Alright everyone, do your best-nashii~!!
Wow
Alright everyone, do your best-nashii~!!
Awesome
Kya-hooo~!!
Did not expect that!
Why though
That was impressive huh?
He really did it
Seriously amazing
That's true
I was sure that Enraku would do it
But I thought, "Nah, can't be"
Yeah, I see
He (Saigo) didn't look interested in the interview
You're right
A real plot twist
Completely different
He seemed against it
That was something else
Yeah
How y'all doing?
Last year, in Japan
Many heinous crimes became widespread!!
Widespread?
We'll be doing a
special training that the Omame Police takes pride in...
Let's all go right now
Special training...
To prepare for the surge in crime
The police station will join in the special training
What "special training"?
Could you please board the bus?
Yes
Board the bus to the training grounds
What could be waiting for them ahead?!
They board the bus to the training grounds
What could be waiting for them?!
A new battle for the 5 members will begin!!
For the 5 of them
A new battle will begin
The next stage: The Hostage Rescue Training Center
Here,
The battle with the new assassins begins
The fierce battle with assassins yet to be encountered will begin
Training Grounds: Special Equipments Room
Knew it
This...
Here it comes
Knew it'd be this
The annual custom...
It's here again
Everyone please get changed
Hostage Rescue Training Center...
Before the hostage rescue training
They change into easy-to-move attire
And move on to the hostage rescue training
Let's go
There it is!!
Training Grounds
Here it is
There it is
From now, it's okay to laugh, but
The enemy, the black Oni, at the moment they catch you
You'll receive a harsh punishment on the spot
Yes...
Yeah
If it's only you guys
The smell of stinky comedians will surround the area
Here's a moderately popular actor
Moderately...
Moderately??
Moderately popular
Meaning a little, right?
I wonder if this description is right
Ready?
It's this person!!
He's really flying
It's Muro!!
Whoa
You flew pretty high
Flew really high
Supporter
Muro Tsuyoshi
T/N: Muro Tsuyoshi is an actor who won the 2018 Elan d'Or Awards for Newcomer of the Year. He's acted in Yuusha Yoshihiko, Destiny: Tale of Kamakura, Gintama: Live Action, and many other shows/films.
I flew!
Are your feet okay?
I'm perfectly okay!!
Here he is!
I sort of...
I flew much higher than I expected...
You were surprised, weren't you?
Yes, I was surprised
He called you a "moderately popular actor"
Moderately popular, yes
In 2018, I will be a new and improved actor
A unique actor
Muro Tsuyoshi will go to battle!!
Amongst you guys, 1 person
Will go in that transparent room
And be locked up in the hostage room
Hostage Rescue Training
Among the six, one person will be locked up in the hostage room
The other 5 will go search for the key that will unlock the door
In order to rescue the hostage, the rest will go search for the key
This time, there is only 1 key
Meaning that if you find a key, that is the one true key
That's right, you just need 1 key
Meaning that if you find a key, that is the one true key
So, there won't be any fake keys
Yes, there used to be so many
This time, the hostage will be you, Matsumoto!!
Thank you very much!!
It's Matsumoto
We already knew that!!
Thank you!!
Every single year, I'm so jealous
It really is every single year!
However this time, in the hostage room at 10 minute intervals,
For Matsumoto, there will be a punishment every 10 minutes
There will be a punishment prepared
You don't need that many punishments, do you?
So, you should quickly...
I don't even know the meaning of these punishments
The Oni will appear at the same time as the start of the training
Simultaneously with the start, multiple Oni will appear
As time progresses, the Oni will increase
As they run away, they will search for the key
As they run from the Oni, they will search for the key to the locked room
No Getting Caught: American Police!
Is everyone ready then?
Aw geez...
This is so scary!!
Hostage rescue training...
Start!
Training Start
Here they come
Wow
Slipper
Please stop
This is incredibly
This is incredibly painful, okay?
No thank you!
No
Locked on to Muro
Just a little more!
This hurts!
Just hurry up and get Muro!!
Just go and get Muro!!
Why?
Too scary!
Hamada-san
Aren't you a bit too close?
This is my first time
Wait, hold on...
Suddenly got caught!!
Go easy on me!
Muro-kun!
Have mercy on me
This is gonna hurt...
Have mercy, have mercy...
It hurts!
It really hurts
That's gotta be painful
So painful
That's a lot of pain
So so painful
Fu ha ha ha
This year, Matsumoto is aloof again
No, really, it's REALLY hot in there
I see
Yeah
Just now, that's really gotta hurt
That had to be painful
He went for my ear, the number one thing you shouldn't hit!!
Seriously?
Ah
Ah ha
Ah ha ha
Ah ha ha ha
That really hurt, didn't it?
Hamada can't stop laughing
He gripped... He gripped the slipper and...
Right?
Ahh, that was funny
So funny
Oh, here here here
The arrival of the second Oni
Oh no, it's the harisen!!
T/N: Harisen is a large paper fan, often used in Japanese comedies
That one hurts a lot!
Ouch... They were right
Harisen
So painful
Ouch... They were right
This is really for real!
Oh no no no
Wait, please, no
This is really painful
Just wait, wait, hold on
Please... No... I'm still in pain
Don't trip!
Wait, please!!
Watch your feet!
Ow...
This is the worst!!
The harisen
The harisen and slippers
The harisen and slippers are horrible
Every year, they're so destructive
So scary
Ah...
That hurts...
This is too ridiculous
Slippers and harisen are horrible
This REALLY hurts...
Every year, we always get wrecked
Oh my god... It hurts so bad...
Right?
You're not kidding
It still hurts
It still hurts?
Is it just going to continue like this?
It really hurts, doesn't it?
From now
We're just gonna keep getting hit
They just keep coming!
Ouch
I'm going to get more white hair!
Your hair is going to turn pure white!
The arrival of the third Oni
What does it say?
Jeans?!
Jeans
This will be real bad!!
This is bad!!
Jeans?!
Tanaka!!
Woo!
You said, "Woo!"
Tanaka lets his real thoughts slip
This'll hurt
Wait, you're kidding
This will hurt
Scary scary scary
That was a strong hit
Ow ow ow!
This is painful, this is really painful
Senpai!!
T/N: Senpai means upperclassman. Refers to someone who is older, higher in rank, someone you respect, etc.
What are you doing??
Senpai!
That's gotta hurt!
Senpai?
Senpai!
Are you okay, senpai?
Yeah yeah, I'm okay
That has to be really painful
No way, no way...
That's supposed to be something you wear!
That's right
I was scared, I thought he was going to go for my head
Yes, that would be quite...
No way, they wouldn't...
That was no good
That was, yeah...
Yeah, definitely hurts
I don't want this...
They're just gonna come swarming in
This is where it gets worse
You ran away, didn't you?
Yeah, you ran off
Wait a minute, what are you trying to say...
That was the moment your senpai was getting attacked, you know
No no no...
Why wouldn't you stop and go take one for the team?
No no no, that's not... No...
Why wouldn't you stop and go take one for the team?
Go take one for the team, damnit
Come on now, let's stop this
T/N: Kouhai means underclassman. Refers to someone who is younger, lower in rank, someone who looks up to you, etc.
Everyone, let's be equals, none of this senpai/kouhai stuff
For this year, let's not betray each other
Yes, let's stop this kind of thing
For this year
Those kinds of things...
If you're gonna say that, tell it to Hosei
For this year, please...
Seriously, please stop it!!
I've seen it every year, your betrayal
Yes!
I've seen it every year, your betrayal
He's like this, right?
No way, it's not like that
It's not?
No betrayals
When we're talking and there's one coming from behind...
Promises to not betray this year
Right
And only you know it and you run away by yourself, don't do that
And you don't tell anyone
Won't do it anymore
Everyone should say, "It's here!"
When you see it, say, "It's here!"
Let's search for the key
Isn't it almost time for a punishment?
For now, let's try to...
Hosei sees the Oni
He also used him as a wall
Hosei betrays without hesitation
You're right
The worst!
Hold on, you're kidding, right?!
Slippers
The worst!!
Hold on, you're kidding, right?!
Hold on...
All of a sudden
Tanaka escaped
The Oni gave up on Tanaka
I don't want this...
I don't like this
Hosei
Now it's getting fun
No, I don't like this
It's getting fun
You didn't tell everyone!!
Wait a minute... Tanaka
That guy didn't say anything!! Even though he saw the Oni
No way
Ouch ouch ouch
It's your doing
Hosei-san
Even though it was behind us, he pretended he didn't see
That was so bad
Even though it was behind us, he pretended he didn't see
Even after all we talked about
We just talked about stopping the betrayals
It wasn't a betrayal, you just weren't alert enough
What about teamwork...
You guys aren't trying to help each other at all
Let's help each other
You're not helping each other
Yes, I agree
You have to pay attention 360° around you
Let's all work together and find the one key
That's what we should do
Yes
But right now...
The one that was unleashed was...
D*ck Machine
Hold on!
Wait WAIT
It's Muro
No, wait, hang on
Not me, not me!
Wait
Wait up
What is it? What is it?? What?
He was locked on by the D*ck Machine Oni
Dick Machine
Why me? Explain this
Yep
Can't avoid it, the guests of the show...
This is a baptism
Gaki baptism
You're right
Oh, this is...
Muro
This is just...
If you appear on Gaki as a guest, you gotta...
Sorry, sorry
This will hurt
What??
Here it goes
Mine's small, for your information
3, 2, 1
Ow ow ow ow ow
Ow ow ow
Ow ow ow ow ow
That's gotta hurt
Direct hit on Muro
So painful
Are you okay?
That was fast
What is going on? Make it stop
The tip...
Matsumoto-san's face right then
He's giving you a really grim look
When it gets the tip, I understand...
Hurry it up
They key isn't in the grounds area
So we'll check the school building
Okay
It's always like that!!
Always, yes
Well then, let's just not go
When he says it like that, yeah
Why is he so mad...
We're just doing our best to save Matsumoto-san
I agree
What the hell do you think you're doing?
No, no, no
What are you doing?
Just hurry up and go ahead!!
Muro, go and listen to what he wants to say
We'll leave it to you
What should I ask him?
He's saying something, so just go
Hey...
I've never really talked with Matsumoto before
You can take this chance to do so
That's right
We're counting on you
The hat guy was called over
Matsumoto-san, what's the matter?
Yes, yes?
Matsumoto-san, what's the matter?
No, no
That's what I want to say
What are you guys doing? The time...
The way you word your requests doesn't seem nice
Matsumoto-san, the way
You word your requests...
No, it's not that
It's pretty tough here too, actually
Even though it may not seem so
It doesn't seem that way to me from here
No, no
It's really hot in here and there's no wind
It doesn't seem that way to me from here
If you ask properly,
I'm sure everyone will agree to go search for the key
It feels like New Japan here
T/N: New Japan is an establishment famous for their saunas in Osaka that also has a capsule hotel, fine dining, bars, spas, and gym.
I like New Japan
I go there often
That guy's really good
Everyone, seems he's going to ask now
Okay
Oh, really?
Please look over here
Matsumoto-san, if you please
Sorry
Please help me
Please say it more clearly
I ask of you to please help me
He asked us to help him
Yeah, we got it
Looks like they understand
Then please enjoy New Japan
Who could enjoy this!!
Matsumoto bowed his head
We heard it
Yes
We heard his voice too
Matsumoto...
He bowed and asked
So please help search
New Japan?
Matsumoto's punishment will be carried out
Ah, this part
Something came out
Yeah, something
Again...
TKO Kinoshita
It's that "I'm now able to stand up" character
T/N: TKO Kinoshita is the boke half of the TKO duo. He plays the role of a toy who comes to life and is learning to speak and stand like a human, but it comes off as really creepy.
My hand is now able to inflate
Oh it's starting
Aarrrgghhh!!
What's with that?
"My hand is now able to inflate"
My back hurts
It has been 15 minutes since the training started
Search the courtyard
The 5 decide to
go to the courtyard.
Is he wearing weights or something?
Ah... Yeah
American Football
An Oni's coming over!!
He's coming over
An Oni
The Oni's here
Go there
Who is it?
Aarrgghh!!
Whoa... No way...
What is it?
What's this?
American Football
Wah... Wait...
Wait a bit!
Now? W-wait...
What? What?
Scary...
Quite a number of them came over!!
Huh?
Wow... They're coming over...
It's kinda scary...
Wait... I can't see...
No way?!
Wait, what, what?
Oh no!
Whoa... Oh no!
Wait...
Stop, stop
Stop!
Wha- No way!
Ow!
No way?!
He's really good
Muro is impressed by the kicker
He's really good
It hurts...
This is the start of hell. Seriously.
They split into two groups to search
The 5 split into two groups
In order to search for the key
Super Sticky Tape
You guys noticed the Oni coming, didn't you?
No, not at all!!
Uwaa they're here!!
Whoa, they're here!!
This is terrible
Sticky tape...
Really terrible
Wha? What?
Wow, this really is horrible
Super scary
No way
This is terrible!!
Huh?
There's quite a large number of people doing something there
When did that happen?
WHOA!!
Scary, scary
Whoa...
That's Hamada-san
Scary!
Come over...
Hamada-san?
Scary...
Scary, scary...
He was turned into a monster
Hamada, who got turned into a monster
Hey...
A monster...
You noticed the Oni and ran away
No, I didn't notice
Shut up, you monster!!
Scary
Don't say it's scary
No, no
Scary...
Please return Hamada-san
Don't just rest here, go...
Don't run away!!
What are you trying to do!!
What did you plan on doing to us?
Damn you!!
We're...
We're comrades, aren't we?
We're not comrades!
Idiot!!
Please turn back into Hamada!!
Return Hamada-san!!
Return Hamada-san!
Return Hamada-san to us!! Hurry up!!
You guys also...
Had the possibility of having this done to you
His voice is totally muffled
What are you saying!?
Good
Rather than that...
Let's talk...
Return Hamada-san to us!
Monster!!
That wasn't the time to play around...
You've shown your true colours!!
Hey!!
Enough is enough!!
Now I've turned into someone like Yamasaki
Was that a cry of rage?
Hey!!
Enough is enough!!
Oh, this way of getting angry?
T/N: "Masatoshi" is Hamada's first name. The way they his first name with -san at the end makes it sound like he's a stranger and it comes off as rude since Hamada is older than them and should be referred by his last name.
Are you Masatoshi-san?
You guys...
Stop joking around
What do you mean by "Masatoshi-san"?
You saw me getting this done to me, didn't you?
20 minutes have passed since the training started
Matsumoto's punishment will be carried out
Matsumoto's punishment
Will be carried out
Why the hell?
TKO Kinoshita
I'm now able to wind the tape
Seriously?
I'm now able to wind the tape
That's right
Super sticky tape to be put on Matsumoto too
Yes, it is
We didn't know this happened at all
I didn't know you guys' situation either
Wh-what, what?
That's true
I'm winding it around your head
No, no, no
No, no, no, no
No, w-
So cute
I'm going to continue winding the tape
Right
Can you see a little?
Amazing
I'm continuing
So that's how much he wound the tape
I'm doing it
Ow
Ouch
It hurts
Hand that to me
That was what I looked like?
Hey
This is really messed up
Your face has been crushed
Yeah
So Matsumoto had this done to him
What an amazing face
What's the staff thinking...?
Scary, scary
Huh?
It's scary
Really looks scary
It feels really...
Our faces
No, it definitely...
Downtown looks scary
Downtown, 35 years in the entertainment industry
Stop it
That's right
Harisen
Hey, hey
Huh?!
Wait, wait...
Uwah! Ouch!!
What the hell is this?
Urgh...
My ear hurts more than the smack on the head did
Was my ear torn? Does it look okay?
There's buzzing in my ears...
Your ear has a cut on it?
There's a buzzing...
There's a cut on it, right?
Did it get torn?
I really am a monster now, if that's so
Who knows
Your eyebrows look really interesting now
Seriously?
That's right
I say you look like a monster.
This is amazing
I didn't know when this was gonna end
That's right
Super Sticky Tape
Maybe it did get cut...
The Oni's here again!!
When did the Oni arrive?
It's a dead end here
Yes!! It's not me
Why?
Huh?
Oh?
Ow, ow, ow
Right...
Looks like it hurts
It really does
ow, ow, OW!
Think his injury hurts
More suffering
Peel it off for him
Ouch, ow, ow
Seems painful
This kind of secondary suffering exists too?
It hurts!
Oh no
This part is dreadful
Matsumoto's punishment will be carried out
I came to peel the tape off
TKO Kinoshita
I came to peel the tape off
I'm peeling it off
It was scary
It's scary
Ow, ow...
I'm doing it slowly
Where, where?
I can't find where the tape starts
You were the one who did it!
What does he mean by "start"?
Shouldn't he say, "end"?
I'm panicking
Ah, here it is, here. I'm doing it slowly
I'm doing it slowly
Ow, ow, ow
It hurts?
Ouch!
It hurts, right?
It hurts.
Where are you hurting?
It's painful here?
It's painful here
It hurts, right?
That hurts, right?
When I'm taking this off
Ow, ow, ow...
Wait a bit
That hurts, right?
The back of your head hurts
It's painful
Ouch!
It's painful, right?
That part's painful
It was really painful!!
I'm sorry
Seriously...
That was really messed up
Right, the Oni's locked on to someone
Okay, what Oni?
What?
What's written there?
Marie Antoinette
Marie...
Antoinette?
Marie Antoinette.
It says Marie Antoinette
Marie Antoinette?
I don't know
T/N: Marie Antoinette was born in Austria and was the Queen of France from 1770 to 1791. She was executed by guillotine in 1793.
The guillotine...
It's a person's name, isn't it?
Isn't it?
Huh?
What?
He's going into a room...
We wait here
What's Marie Antoinette?
What's that?
The 3 who don't know who Marie Antoinette is
Is she a musician?
No, I don't think so
I don't know
A person?
Haha
Yeah, it's a person
A person
Oh no no no...
There's no context
What is this?
An elegant entrance
Why are you doing this Hosei?
That face is too much
Hosei you won't be able to get away
I'm screwed
We won't be able to hear someone coming
Yeah there are a ton of bells
I'm Marie Antoinette
It's kinda funny
Let's get searching
and we should stay together as a group
There really is bells
Hosei-san you're seriously in the way
Move in a group!
We will!
If you're nearby they'll know we're here
Yeah, if Yama-chan's here, they'll know
Move as a group...
But a group...
No way!
Moving in groups is out of the question!
You're so loud!
They're gonna find us!
They'll be drawn to us
When you run you make so much noise!
Shuffle your feet
This a huge handicap
What kind of event is this getup for?
Graceful movement
Seriously, what kind of event is this getup for?
Hey, let's go this way. Let's look inside again
My lady?
Can you fit in there, Hosei-san?
It's a perfect fit!
It's perfect...
What do you mean, "perfect"...
That's not a good thing though
Up
Going to inspect the 2nd floor
The five of them explore the 2nd floor of the school building
You look really pretty from behind
Your gait is great, so very graceful
Your posture was good too
Can you fit through here too?
So elegant
So pretty!
Oh my
That looks nice...
A refined, beautiful Hosei
It really brings out his elegance
Yeah
So nice...
Meanwhile, Tanaka forges ahead and inspects the second floor
Tanaka checks out the second floor
Ah!!
Treasure box found
Could this be the key!?
It's a key!
Let's open it!
What is this?
Wildcard: Giant Elastic Snapper?
Huh? What is this?
A big elastic...
Wildcard: Giant Elastic Snapper
There's a letter...
Becoming a giant duster
The person who this is applied to will be punished
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
There was this thing called a Wildcard Giant Elastic Snapper...
Wildcard?
Ya
This wildcard will punish
Whoever it is applied to
Do it to Hamada!
The hell!?
Do it to Hamada!
Instantly Hamada
I had NO IDEA
I'm going to seduce Hamada like this...
It was instant
I'm going to seduce Hamada like this...
Stick it on him then
Then again what is Tanaka up to?
He hasn't come back from over there
Tanaka entered the broadcast room
Carrying out the plan
It was then...
Oh yeah, this...
Yeah!
How'd it go?
If you make so much noise they'll come
Well, how about this?
What's the point in asking me this?
Madame Hosei seducing his target
This
You keep asking if 'this' is good enough...
Tanaka, this pisses me off
Hamada, this...
What?
Good teamwork
I really have no idea, if you keep moving like that...
Here I go!
HA!
Operation Success
Oh... That was kinda cute...
It's cute
Endo went down there though...
Yes
Here he is
There was nothing
Maybe we should make another round...
YOU!!!
The two celebrate their success
I guess we should do a second pass...
Giant Elastic Snapper
Huh!?
What's going on!?
I really don't know...
They just suddenly came...
No no no...
He looked so friendly walking up to us though...
Watch out!
That's gotta hurt!
You're the worst
That's so bad
You okay?
Thank you so much
Good job
You're drooling!
Are you okay?
You were playing dumb just now, right, Muro?
No that's not true, I...
The two of them were...
Permission to speak freely? May I?
Yeah
Do you remember the weird feeling around the time...
Yeah
Ms. Marie Antoinette started dancing
At that time Tanaka came from behind
After that I looked at your back to find
Something weird on your back...
What!?
I don't really know, but I saw that...
And thought something weird is up...
Now that you mention...
You slipped right past me, didn't you?
Why? To stick this on my back?
No
And what was with you jumping around earlier?
Constantly moving like this
Incredible
I was told by Tanaka to, "Do it"
Backstabbing Madame Hosei
You guys, didn't we just say to not set each other up?
This year's has been pretty horrible
It's really bad!
This year is particularly bad
I... Found that sticker
At that instant
Ms. Marie Antoinette was there too
Ah!! I found this sticker, what should we do?
Whoever it gets stuck on gets the Giant Elastic Snapper!
"DO IT TO HAMADA!!" is what this person said
Please believe me Hamada
He said it!
I'm being sincere
Tanaka really said it!
It's the truth, please believe me
I would never tell a lie
Excuse me, can I interject?
Yeah...
Excuse me, can I interject?
After it was all said and done, after the rubber snapper...
Tanaka turned to Hosei
and said "Thank you very much"
YOOOUUUU
Don't just be saying things willy nilly
Tanaka being tattled on
YOU, MURO
52 minutes since the start of the exercise
That's something
Muro hides underneath the skirt
Tanaka! Tanaka!
You can't do that Muro!
That's cheating!
You... Can't do that
Totally cheating!
You... Can't do that
That's no good!
You can't!
I was just trying to... Protect Ms. Antoinette
No good!
I was just trying to... Protect Ms. Antoinette
You!
And I just happened to sit...
You were just about to get caught!
While trying to protect her, it floated up and over me
You're no good
You tried to selfishly get in there alone
You are just amazing
Hold up!
You normally wouldn't even think of that!
58 minutes since the start of the exercise
No matter how much they keep searching, the key won't turn up
Matsumoto-san
Yeah?
The key...
We can't find the key
What!?
Wha?
This is scary...
Egashira
Nooo! He's here!!!
This is bad!
From there!?
I didn't think of that
He came from there
You didn't think I'd come frome here!?
Yeah... I didn't
You started to relax a bit there, didn't ya?
Yea, uh, yes! What...
Now it's time for the Ega-chan Festival!
Here we go!
Ega-chan Festival begins
This is good
The Ega-chan Festival is starting...
What is this...
He was completely insane
He's going to lick his nose
The worst
This is the worst of them all...
Right? This is just awful
That's really long
That sucks
I don't want this, this sucks!
I'm late for work!!
It's open!?
Oh, he's off to his part-time job
His part time job
It was open!
It's open
He just opened it!
It was open...
Ega-chan opened it for you
Here he is
Hey!
It looks like it wasn't locked from the beginning
If people started thinking we held him prisoner it'd be bad PR
He said there was no key...
It wasn't locked
Oh is that how it goes!?
He sure took that news well
He's got a grasp on it already
Wow
That really smells doesn't it?
I REALLY want to take a shower now
The dreaded training is over
Safely Rescued Matsumoto
They return to the clutches of laughing hell
3PM
They are back at the police station
This way everyone!!
Right now the movie "Police Story"
is being shot here
Huh? A movie shoot!?
The eagerly awaited "Police Story"
Observing a live set
There's a hot star performing so they're
shooting in the prosecutor's dept.
That's pretty cool...
I'd like to see!
There are some chairs ahead, could you sit there for me?
is on standby
The Hong Kong Film Crew
New Production: "Police Story"
T/N: "Police Story" is a Jackie Chan movie that came out in 1985. Also, the film crew are all speaking in Chinese.
Sure looks like it
Wow! Wow! Wow!
The Hong Kong star isn't here yet
Oh he isn't here?
Chan・Rin・Shan
Gekidan Hitori
That's the big star Hong Kong created
The Aura's changed
An action test is going to start soon!
First, an action sequence test
TEST
ACTION!!
That glare...
So cool
CUT!!
Perfect Test!!
The story is channeled through the young lead actor
New Production: "Police Story"
They're gonna do the real take, it'll be intense
Finally the
nerve-wrecking real take
New Production: "Police Story"
Action!!
It's an absolute mess!!
Cut...
Completely different action from the test
Cut
The director isn't looking
Lead Actor flees
New Production: "Police Story"
They hit him with their fists!!
What do you mean we're out...?
They hit him with their fists
They smacked his face while he was facing the ground!!
Where was the director looking?
That's Kung Fu action for ya!
The lead actor yelled "CUT!!"
In a flash the assassins rush in to attack
7 hours from the start
After this, the return of the dreadful drawers
That was something
What an idiot
7 hours 15 minutes of duty at the police station
Just as they start to show signs of getting tired
They face that trap again
In front of training room
That's right...
The contents of all the drawers have been reset
This is intense!
This is intense...
Oh, really!!
Huh... Chucky fell over...
Yeah, no kidding!
He looks different
You're right
The Chucky doll's posture has changed
No, wait, these are our desks, right?
Can they arbitrarily open and shut our drawers?
We're the police right? For now
Omame Station's...
What should we do?
Y'know Hosei has been...
constantly playing with his cheeks...
This is quite serious...
My left jaw has been making a popping sound
Suddenly!?
It started about a month ago
Sounds kind of defensive, doesn't it?
No, no, not anything like that... Just the truth
Yeah, every year...
It makes a popping sound?
Yeah...
Wanna listen?
Wait...
Just... Ok?
Pop
Hmm... Have Hamada listen
Really?
Just tell him straight
Pop
Give me a break...
You heard it right?
There are people who can do that on command
It makes this sound even though I don't want it to
Which is why it's Temporomandibular Joint Disorder
T/N: Temporomandibular Joint Disorders are a pain/discomfort problem with the joint where the jaw meets the temporal bones of your skull.
Which is why it's Temporomandibular Joint Disorder
It's quite clear
I wonder why
I really think it is the result of
being slapped for 9 years straight
Chono Slaps
Hospital
Newspaper
Hotel
Spy
Airport
Teachers
Defense Force
Prison
Detectives
Scientists
It's my belief the cumulative damage...
10 year running
Is that something that just shows up a month prior?
Here?
No, here. If I were hit on this side, I wouldn't think it's that disorder
He usually holds his hand here, and hits me here
I see
Alright, then today have him hit the opposite side
By "today" does it mean it has to be me?
I'm not saying there is some conspiracy out to get me...
Just talking about the past
Then again Chono has a dominant hand, right?
What if you just face this way and have him do it this way?
I, no... Can we just... Do without it?
I, uh... This is not me laughing... At all
Seriously, this is me crying
Seriously, cut it out
I really am worried about you though
Because this is serious
I'm also trying to say I'm sorry to the staff
I'll even provide clinical records with Temporomandibular Joint Disorder listed
You were already sent to a hospital?
No I haven't yet!!
You haven't gone to a hospital...
And to suggest we "pull your medical records"
I really hate it when this happens!!
Right at the very bottom of my ass
Yep, know that feeling
Let's open drawers
Let's open drawers already!!
Who should we start with?
How about we go with Endo?
Endo is top batter
How about you go?
Should I go?
Come on love scandals, another scandal!!
YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!
You've got to be kidding me
There's something there
No way! No way! No way!
This can't be happening...
An envelope that previously held a tabloid
"We know everything"
No no no no, hold up...
It's just that
No way, no way
The "We Know Everything" series...
Things just never go favorably for me...
But if the subject of interest has no dirt...
Yeah! Seriously!!
You don't have anything to worry about...
Why...
It's here!!
A magazine...
Here we go...
But if your mother...
Endo's Drawer
It says Friday...
T/N: Friday is an actual tabloid magazine publication in Japan.
This is Friday's publication...
Is this the real magazine?
There's a tag stuck in there...
This is the real thing... It isn't the usual after all...
Chono's heartbreak! The extinction of the slap
September 22nd issue
This is just what we were talking about
I read this!
Really?
Yeah!
Mr. Hino slapped a middle school drama kid and wondered...
Is this corporal punishment or...
Is it educational guidance or whatever, right?
Is it out of ignorant love or corporal punishment, and from that,
In the midst of all that, the great slapper Chono was taking interviews
Because in terms of slaps...
Speaking about slaps, I read everything about this
Ah! It says right here!!!
Right, it says it
What does it say?
September 22nd issue
When we asked him about his end of the year "plans"
"This time the matter is drawing controversy...
Even if I have an offer this year, I will not slap"
Resulting in a rather surprising remark.
It seems Chono is no longer going to do any of those slaps...
A remark that this year there won't be any slap
Those kinds of things on TV
Making it clear that he never has resorted to violence on children
Ahh, I see
I checked this out on various media
That even if there was a "No Laughing" special this year...
They said that "There won't be any Chono this year"
This is creepy
We just talked about this, it's too much of a coincidence
Yeah, really
Really
Okay
Temporo?
Mandibular disorder
Your medical chart?
I have none!!
I just looked it up on the internet
Well, let's just
No medical charts?
Well, that's it, this was my only item
That type of article was...
I told you
You did tell me
Yeah that's right, he kept saying it
Well, that is, really,
This was what it was about
Where a split in opinion may happen
That changes things
Right?
It can't be helped
Shall we go in order or
Shall I go?
From Hamada-san?
In order
Then Yamasaki-san
Shall I then?
There's nothing
Uwah!!
Key to No. 3
I was wondering about it
Yeah, same here
Number 3 wasn't open yet
It's right behind you
I had been curious about it
Yeah, same here
Would it be the same thing again?
That's right
Mysterious Confiscated Goods BOX
It'd be best if it was just Hamada-san
Well, I don't know
If it's the same as 1 and 2
Iwasaki Hiromi-san...
Previous Confiscated Goods BOX
Iwasaki Hiromi
Mikawa Kenichi
Mikawa-san, acted by Korokke-san
It's here
I wonder if it's the same
Fu ffu...
This is probably like...
Can't be helped
Ow!
So now it's a question of what to do with it
You mean that Hamada-san should put it on?
Well, whether it can be put on or not
Yeah, it's the same type of thing
It's the same type?
Another DIY Impersonation Set
Yes
So, I'll just take this off
Your hair's a mess
Is this for real?
Of course it'd be
We might as well turn around
Tell us when you have it on
Yes yes
A switch, ah, there is heaps of them here
There's heaps?
I'm starting!!
Okay, we'll turn around
Hm!?
Do you know this?
No
♪You don't need to cry anymore♪
Anyone can be Suzuki Masayuki set
Wow
Are you serious?
Why did Leader come here?
T/N: Suzuki Masayuki was the leader of the band, Rats & Star. Thus, he is referred to as Leader.
That's amazing
That's awesome
It even comes with sunglasses
It was well-made
It's really well-made
Yeah
It's amazing
It's great
It's really well-made
Uwah, scary!!
Since he has tons of hits
It's a different one
I wasn't sure how to do it
It suits you
He does do that
He has the atmosphere
♪Wrong, wrong, that's it, it's not it♪
It's amazing
Why is your dancing perfect as well!?
His dancing is on point as well
I want one
I want one of those as well
Everything, even the clothes match
He even has the atmosphere down
But even if we do it, it's like this
But, it's kind of, Hamada is, a little
Since he is slightly smaller than the real thing
It's funny
His face is looks quite big
I see, this is amazing
Tanaka...
If Tanaka put it on
If someone of Tanaka's height tried it...
It'd be perfect
Suzuki-san... You're right
Come over here
Yeah, you're right, he is quite tall
You also have to dance perfectly
So, now here
There's 2 songs left
Ah yeah, he has tons of hit songs
Right
It's "Megumi no Hito"!!
This one! This one!
Perfect!!
That's what he's like
That's good
The dancing is a bit light hearted
Yeah, you're right
Ok, ok, I get it
Wow
It's a bit - ow!
The dancing wasn't quite there
Was it not good?
Well, but
That was good
1 more song?
There is 1 more song left
What would the song be?
Then, Matsumoto-san
Body-wise as well
Right, body-wise...
There's no way it wouldn't look right
You can't tell what song will come out
Yeah, you can't, but the only one remaining is now number 5
But wouldn't it be that? Probably...
Ahh, you're right
Tanaka, stay to the side there, and be the lady
It's the one you did, lipsynching
You should be the lady
Hamada-san's wig, put it on
This?
The lady
Yeah, Hamada-san's, hurry it up
Put it on
♪Eyes looking into the distance♪
♪The wind is reflected in them♪
♪There was a time like-♪
None of you are laughing!!
He somehow failed to get a guaranteed laugh
I wonder why
Sorry
I wonder why
It was funny
The dance was funny
Even though I danced
What's with that?
Is there anyone that could bomb that?
Well, we did watch a few times already...
Sorry about that
There's just 2 left
Can I go first?
I don't really want to be last, so could I go first?
It's fine
Let's change it up
Well, well, well
Uwah, that's kind of scary
What is it?
Uwah, this pattern is also kind of scary
Mysterious Brown Paper Envelope x 2
One moment please
This makes you uneasy
Maybe photos?
Photos?
It's kind of heavy
Isn't it photos?
It's sturdy
Eh!?
Something's written
On this occasion, we are pleased to introduce a
re-marriage partner on your request
The candidate's profile
is contained in the envelope
We will be in contact with you shortly
Omame Marriage Consultancy
Omame Marriage Consultancy?
Omame Marriage Consultancy
Since it's by request, you must've asked them?
I didn't ask for anything though
Is that so?
Well, but
Introducing a re-marriage partner, that's not a bad thing
Have a look by yourself first, see what type of person it is
It looks like this
The Candidate's Profile
Age : 33 y.o.
Occupation : TV personality, singer
Personality : Bright(Can't trust men)
Hobby : Instagram
She's a TV personality and singer
33 years old, 12 younger than you
The can't trust men part gets your interest
Sorry to interrupt
I'm from Omame Marriage Consultancy
I'm a matchmaker called Yokosawa
I look forward to working together
If you are here could you please raise your hand to say "I'm Tanaka-san"?
Marriage Consultancy Matchmaker
Yokosawa Natsuko
Tanaka-sama...
Now that we've met
Your desire to be married comes across
Very strongly
Please don't pressure me too much
There, there
So then, the lady actually
I didn't ask them to do this, I didn't ask
Well, well
It's not a bad thing
Exactly, it's a good thing
Well, no, no, well
It's not like they're forcing you to get married
Well, that's true, but since I didn't ask
Tanaka-san, please take a seat here
Here?
Yes, thank you
Now, may I call in the lady in question?
Now then
Please enter~!!
T/N: Becky is a very famous Japanese TV personality who has appeared on several TV shows and also started a music career. She is half English, half Japanese.
The Mystery Woman is Becky
No, no, no, this is surprising
Isn't this a bad idea?
That's how it is, huh?
This is surprising
I'm Becky
How is it?
Your first impression of Tanaka-san?
I thought that he looks like a sincere person
Ah is that so? I agree
And then it's a case of whether your hobbies match
Yes, you're right
Tanaka-san, what is your hobby?
I like to watch movies
That's a lovely hobby
Do you think you could get along?
Yes
What is your hobby Becky-san?
Ah, lately,
I've been hooked on Instagram
By Instagram you mean the one where you upload lots of stylish photos?
Yes, that's the one
Would you not like to see it?
Ah, yes, that's right
Oh, please do
Is that ok?
Yes, then to see it easy
I'll connect my tablet to this monitor
Sorry, thank you, she's such a nice person
So please have a look
Instagram?
Instagram