Team Gaki Presents
Team Leader: Rich Translators: BakaDollie GakiNoSuitGuy Shion (Mauro) Mickstar Shizentaisuu DCSubs tuna EcksDee Solarwings Typesetters: catpanda Hikarii Sacro pencillover12 Cherry Sevendayheaven hachiagejo Karaoke: Konohana Niji Translation Check: Oolong Quality Checkers: James PeaceBrigade Kyle Hyde Kai Moruboshi
Abyss of Suppressed Emotion
An abyss of suppressed emotions...
It's during that time an applause of praise will be heard
Will give an applause of admiration
Gaki No Tsukai's Best Series!!
The strongest Gaki No Tsukai Series!
No Laughing: American Police
Absolutely No Laughing
Gaki No Tsukai's Best Series!!
No Laughing: American Police
American Police!
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｃ Ａ Ｎ Ｔ Ｌ Ａ Ｕ Ｇ Ｈ
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｍ Ａ Ｋ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ｅ Ｍ
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｃ Ａ Ｎ Ｔ Ｌ Ａ Ｕ Ｇ Ｈ
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｍ Ａ Ｋ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ｅ Ｍ
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｃ Ａ Ｎ Ｔ Ｌ Ａ Ｕ Ｇ Ｈ
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｍ Ａ Ｋ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ｅ Ｍ
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｃ Ａ Ｎ Ｔ Ｌ Ａ Ｕ Ｇ Ｈ
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｍ Ａ Ｋ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ｅ Ｍ
Those that make them laugh...
It's a battle for the guys that can't laugh
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｃ Ａ Ｎ Ｔ Ｌ Ａ Ｕ Ｇ Ｈ
Ｔ Ｈ Ｏ Ｓ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ａ Ｔ Ｍ Ａ Ｋ Ｅ Ｔ Ｈ Ｅ Ｍ
GET THROUGH IT!
The laughter assassins are on the attack
The strongest lineup in history are up to the task!!
The strongest laughter assassins in history are up to the challenge!
In the sudden rain a
What's with this face!?
Surging Waves of sudden jokes
Sudden waves of jokes
The five have nowhere to escape!
WOW!!
There it is!!
I'LL KILL YOU!!
EHH!?
The series first flip!
The comedy assassins receive punishments!!
The first in the series! Punishments to the comedy assassins!
A big change in the customary Chono Slap!
Hosei's Fate!?
The customary Chono Slap has an accident!!
Things that we didn't expect
You can really laugh that hard!?
An unbelievable conclusion
What will happen to Hosei!?
Escape from the Oni's!
In the Oni Tag A popular actor helps out!!
The addition of a really popular actor!!
Stop it!
Late night hostage retrieval plan!
Anger and a screaming climax!!
A late night hostage rescue plan!
Don't stop watching till the climax!
In one episode a battle through 6 hours!!
A 6 hour episode!!
A big new year special!
No Laughing
Absolutely No Laughing 24 Hour American Police!!
American
Police
24 Hours
Alright!
Downtown
Matsumoto Hitoshi
Hamada Masatoshi
Here we go!
Tsukitei Hosei
Thank you all!
We did it this year again!
Cocorico
Endo Shozo
Tanaka Naoki
Yes!
We'll pass this year on Nihon Television with this show!
12 Years in a row! On Nihon TV Gaki no Tsukai will finish the year!!
The 12th one!
12th one!
This is the 12th one!
12th one!?
Well we... turned down the offer to be the host for Kouhaku and came here!
T/N: Kouhaku is an annual show on New Year's Eve where popular musicians and bands compete with their performances. Kouhaku hosts are usually really popular celebrities, chosen by NHK.
Well we... turned down the offer to be the host for Kouhaku and came here!
You turned it down!?
Turned it down!
Because we turned down the offer Uchimura is doing it
I had no idea about that.
You're still thinking we didn't get the offer right!
"There's no way they'd get the offer!"
What was with that face?
Yeah... I'm thinking there was no way
There's no way the offer would come...
Sorry!
No Laughing: American Police
The break of dawn
The light of the sun gently heads towards them
Heads towards the guys
No no no.
Ugh...
I think that this moment is the worst of the year as well!
What exactly is Hamada looking forward to, I'll never understand!
It was all of a sudden too!
What exactly is Hamada looking forward to, I'll never understand!
T/N: LINE is Japan's largest social media network and is well-known as a chatting and messaging app.
On LINE his messages to the staff are incredible
"I can't wait for this!" Apparently he sent them a lot of messages.
"Let's make a Line group!" and stuff...
I haven't said a single word.
At least the weather is nice.
That's right!
That's rare.
It's warm.
SHAYH!
I understand.
Pisses me off
Everyone's feelings.
Why the hell is the sign written so casually!?
Yeah.
Hahaha
But I mean we're following it anyways...
Well...
Nice place huh.
Yeah.
Right?
He~y!
Hey! Hey
guys~!!
He can't really see with those glasses on huh...
This really is...
Hey guys~!
He's having such a fun time driving that
That looks like fun
Hey~!! Hey guys!
Why's he riding that?
Hey!
This is...
How many times are you gonna say it!!
Downtown's Former Manager
Fujiwara Hiroshi
Hey!!
You don't need to put that in!
How many times are you gonna do this!?
How many laps are you gonna take?
It looks fun.
How many times are you gonna circle...
Good morning guys!!
Are you Japanese comedian?
Or hamburger?
What the hell is "or hamburger"?
Why a hamburger?
Mr. Tanaka?
I'm comedian
Oh
yes!!
Hamburger!!
Great!
Fantastic!!
Hamburger!!!
How long is he gonna do this for?
Please shake my hand
You're way too serious!!
It's an American joke!!
Looks like you're not that good with 'merican comedy
'merican comedy?
Japanese Television...
Is filled with shows of comedians just walking in the streets!!
Don't call it out!
Moreover...
His tone suddenly changed
The way his tone is changing is too rapid!
It's scary!
This year's theme is American Police 'kay!?
How is this related to Japan?
What is American Police?
How is this related?
T/N: Chiba is a prefecture to the east of Tokyo
This place is Chiba
This time...
At the first American Police Station Japan Branch...
You guys will be protecting Japan's peace.
They'll become American Policemen
They'll face a harsh job!!
And with that...
They'll become American Police recruits and face the harsh job!!
Look at Hosei!
NOT THAT PICTURE!
Not that one!
An old one right?
I said American Police but what's with those outfits?
We've prepared for you guys to get changed over there
Can you get changed and come back?
Before they work at the Police Station
They'll get changed into the uniform
The first step in becoming an American Police officer
Changing into the appropriate clothes.
Hamada and the staff...
have an elaborate meeting for this
Is everybody done changing?
Can you guys all come out one after the other?
Matsumoto! Come on!
Looks good on you!!
Thank you very much.
You've gotten pretty strong huh...
Thanks
You're the Powerful American Policeman!
Powerful American Policeman
Alright.
Okay, next, Endo!
I saw that coming
Right?
What a handsome guy!
You're good-looking as ever!
Thanks
You're the Handsome Policeman.
Handsome American Policeman
Thanks
Next, Tanaka!
I know a lot has happened to you but have you lost weight again?
Translator's Note: Referring to Tanaka getting divorced this year
I know a lot has happened to you but have you lost weight again?
That has nothing to do with it...
Paper-thin American Policeman
Paper-thin Policeman?
Next, Hosei!
So cute!!
No matter how old you get you're cute!!
American Angel Policeman!
Next, Hamada!
Come on!
Only Hamada is Eddie Murphy
No way!!
I thought it was gonna be crazy but...
That's why it took so long!
It really took some time!
They kept applying the black till it got this...
This tone...
Seriously!
It was so rough...
You're different from our outfits!
But I am a policeman right?
Yeah.
Beverly Hills Cop
White Box
A movie that premiered in 1984
Featured Eddy Murphy playing the role of a Detroit cop.
Beverly Hills!
Beverly Hills Cop!
He's gonna be like this the whole time?
Yeah.
This guy is a cop right?
Eh..... Seriously?
That's evil! We're gonna laugh so easy from this.
It's gonna be hard if he's with us the whole time.
Absolutely No Laughing Rules
Plainly speaking the rules are simple.
As American Police recruits they work in a hard job
While on the job they can't laugh
If they do laugh they face a punishment
While they are working at the station they cannot laugh.
That is all there is.
Now then...
The police station bus is coming so let's go.
Is it really alright to change the pace this fast?
Right?
This is so different...
Here it is.
The cruel job closing in
Moment by moment, the cruel job approaches them...
The Police Station stage will be made clear...
Ah, it's here
Everyone! The bus is here!
Why do we have to ride a bus?
That looks nice.
This bus was also leaked all over Twitter
It was all over the place
The Heipo State Omame Central Police Department
T/N: "Omame" is Heipo's nickname which means "bean". It refers to Heipo's small physical frame.
This is the name of the police station we're going to.
Why the hell is this guy so high ranking?
This guy is nowhere close to being this important!!
T/N: Komoro Soba is a cheap chain noodle shop that has stores all over Tokyo. Most of their customers are workers and it is rather standard and plain.
He eats Komoro Soba all alone.
With a face on the brink of death
Heipo State Omame Central Police Department bus!
With this bus that is designed with the founder of the Heipo Police
Headed towards the police station they are stationed at!
They will head towards the Police Station!
Once you've got yourself prepared get on the bus!
Seriously...
I'm the only one that has nothing to do with this theme...
Here we go...
Well there's nothing we can do about this, guys.
Right.
Yeah...
Alright, I'll be boarding now!
Let's get started...
The start...
ALRIGHHTT!!
Absolutely No Laughing American Police 24HRS
He's laughing!!
These guys are dirty!
I'm safe if I get off the bus!!
Isn't this a safety zone!?
You can't get off the bus!
You were on it!
Seriously listen to me...
Once I looked outside from in there...
All I saw was a black guy laughing
What kind of scene is that!?
A black guy was laughing at me outside the bus!
With you like this it's impossible...
Just get in there before us... I can't be the first.
Please get on first!
That'll help.
Yeah.
This bus...
No good.
This is impossible.
He's laughing!
Ah! He laughed!
You've been laughing this whole time!
I held it in till I got off the bus
He's here!
You were laughing!
Alright!
The first smack!
Black Army Corps will
smack their butts
It's the first smack
Nice hit!
Wow, that was a nice one.
All right, everyone get on
Please stop with that expression too
That grim expression
Oh no, it's hard not to laugh at this expression he has on....
This facial expression...
Seriously...
What...
What's with that?
You look like Emmanuel
T/N: Emmanuel Lewis an American actor known for starring in Webster. Matsuko DX cosplayed as Emmanuel back in EDF
That works too
Please stop with that.
Let's just hurry on board
Okay, sorry.
I'm getting on~
Wah, we're on
In our usual seats
Okay
Yeah, our usual seats
It looks to me like Hamada's already laughing...
Normal passengers are already on board
Wow
It's finally started
Departure towards the Police Department, What lies ahead?!
The bus finally departs for the Police Department.
What awaits them there?
There could be a pattern where no one who comes on board knows who he is
"Huh? Where's Hamada today?"
...Plus
Um...the people who come on board...
The people who come to make us laugh
The people who come to make us laugh might laugh instead when they see Hamada !!!!!
Mfufufu...
You're not allowed to laugh
He's laughing
Laughing isn't allowed
Yeah, seriously
You were making some sound
He laughed like he was really blissful
Right?
Terrible
What's with that "Right?" ?
Well, of course, it's "no laughing"
How many years have we been doing this?
You were totally enjoying yourself
Um... Sorry.
Laughing is no longer allowed
On top of the 5 no longer being allowed to laugh,
The rampage of Hamada's destructive power
they are faced with the rampage of Hamada's destructive power
Why the hell
So destructive
However, the assassins of comedy will beckon the 5 into more hellish situations
However, the assassins of comedy will
beckon the 5 into more hellish situations
Reached a bus stop
Oh, it's this part...
One-two...
Ah, it feels so cool
One-two...
It does feel quite cool
*Baby noises*
And a one-two, good...
All right...
Careful. There are steps here.
Baby
Akiyama Ryuuji
There are steps here
One-two...
One-two, one-two
Shall we sit here?
There are steps here
Okay...
There are steps here
It's your fault, Akiyama
Babies won't say things so clearly
No way babies can talk like that
Babies usually won't say such things
Babies can't talk
There are steps here
Mama
Okina Megumi
So warm
Yes, you do seem rather warm. Shall we have you unbutton your clothes?
I feel really warm!!
He said that really clearly
His skin's really tanned
Noo-noos...
T/N: Churuchuru is baby talk for noodles in Japanese.
Noo-noos?
You want to eat noo-noos?
Okay, let's eat some noo-noos~
Ryuu-chan's demand
Loves noodles even though he's a baby
Isn't it too early for him?
Still early right?
Yeah
He's still a baby isn't he?
I think it's a bad idea
T/N: The face on the bib is of Umemiya Tatsuo, Japanese actor. He has appeared many times in previous No-Laughing specials
He's going to eat
You're gonna get scolded by him
Totally a terrible idea
You're going to get a scolding
He'll get mad
Rather than Akiyama...
Okina will get a scolding too
Yeah, really
Was it yummy?
Yum, yum
Say "ahh"
So much
That's a lot
Stuffing that much...
Wow she did it
Is it okay to be doing this?
You have to eat a lot...
That amount seems impossible
That's really too much noodles!!
Of course that would happen!
Too much
I think even Umemiya would find it impossible to eat that amount of noodles at the same time.
It spilled...
Not just me
Mama should eat noo-noos too!!
It's fine, it's fine, I don't really...
Ryuu-chan's demand
Wants Mama to eat noodles as well
Mama, eat some too
We're currently outside after all...
You're gonna feed mama some noo-noos too
Mama should have some noo-noos too
Well...
Well, sure, but you don't really have to...
Isn't it fine if you just don't eat in the bus?
This isn't really the right place...
Is she okay?
Here.
T/N: The face on her bib is that of a female wrestler going by the stage name of Aja Kong.
That's Aja
Mama eat noo-noos too
What the...
Tanks for the good work!
What does he mean by that?
Don't make it painful
She's completely different from the person on the bib, even her physique
Completely
Let's go back
Okay, one-two~
There are steps here
Yes, there are steps
There are steps here
Yes, there are steps
Achoo!!
You... That was really terrible
Yeah
Stop this guy
Sneezing like that, what the hell?
I've never seen that kind of sneeze before!
The sneezes just came out. I couldn't help it.
Because you don't normally look like this
What's with that schwiiing sound huh?
This guy's really...
Ah, me too
Seriously...
Just show me a normal sneeze
This costume, plus the sneeze is unbearable
While the 5 were making each other laugh,
The bus has reached the next assassin's location
The 5 are making each other laugh
During that time, the bus has reached the next assassin's location
Are we going to stop again?
Are we there yet?
Reached a bus stop
Host
Wakabayashi Masayasu
Host
Yamazaki Kento
Hey, Eito
T/N: In his new drama "Todome no Kiss", Yamazaki Kento is playing a character working as a host who goes by the professional name Eito.
The other day,
You were with that showy woman
Who was she?
That woman is entry number 19
The CEO of an apparel company
Her company earns 3 billion yen annually. She's a great source of income
As expected of the the No.1 in our Host Club, Eito
But recently...
You've been troubled by a strange woman following you around right?
She suddenly appeared and tried to kiss me
What, so you're boasting now
No, that's not it
That woman's serious trouble!
I'll die if she kisses me
No.1 Host's troubles
Being chased by a mysterious woman with a murderous kiss
Such a woman exists?
Yeah
Sounds terrible...
Hey, Eito
Mysterious woman
Kadowaki Mugi
Who's this?
She's here! She's the kissing woman I was talking about
You will die
Stop!
Wait, wait...
Why are you trying to kill Eito by kissing him?
There are other people in the world who are better off dead
There are trash who would be better off dead in the world
People who would be better off dead...
Like this guy.
That's right. This guy
has an extreme idiot complex so
He wanted his son to enter a private school
he wanted his son to enter a private school
T/N: Private schools including kindergarten and elementary usually hold entrance exams for prospective students
He tried learning English from internet videos but...
In the end, he didn't understand anything so
he just silently switched off the power
The size of his brain
is like the size of a pumpkin seed!!
I know of him too. In addition, recently
important job offers kept coming in only for his partner Tanaka so
the stress of the disparity between them led him to betting on horse races
and losing several million yen!!
T/N: Currently, ¥1,000,000 equals to about $9,010 USD.
What the hell
Eh? Betting on horse racing...?
No, no, no
Did you really do that?!
I didn't!
Don't tell me you...
Horse racing...
I didn't want to know
I wouldn't lose several hundred thousand yen!
No way I'd lose money over this
I didn't
I only did a little betting
There are other people who should be better off dead too
Like that guy.
That's right. This guy,
to pray for the success of the Tsukitei Hosei solo recital
he visited a shrine and at that time
he tried to receive power from a 400 year old sacred tree
The moment this man hugged it,
sudden strong rain porridged down on him
It's okay. Isn't that right?
A little...
It's okay. Isn't that right?
It poured down on him. The sudden strong rain.
I know of him too. In addition, this guy
Last year, even though his company found out and was mad,
he still continued producing and selling shady goods
And this time, in the style of Yazawa Eikichi,
T/N: Yazawa Eikichi is a Japanese singer and songwriter who had a strong influence on Japanese rock music
he made Tsukitei Hosei scarf towels !!
Who would buy those towels?!
What's more, it seems there were a lot of leftover stock
Shady goods...
I think you should stop doing it
Just drop it
Don't you think so?
So despicable...
You were able to say it
You've already been exposed, seriously.
Kento, pull yourself together
I just...
Just...
I wanted to hear the line about the sudden strong rain properly
It's all right
There are other people who should be better off dead too
Like this guy
Yeah, that's right.
This guy...
When he and his wife brought juniors out to eat,
at the time of payment, they would
argue over which of them would be the one to pay.
Thus, such a mini skit would start
At the longest, it would go on and on for around 20 minutes
How lame
He's a man using these mini skits to appeal that he has a good relationship with his wife!!
I know of him too.
In addition, this guy's recently been... fufufu
You're affecting her after all
It's affecting her
This is way too intense
She became unable to do her job
Saying the line again right?
In addition, this guy's recently been deteriorating fast due to age
When he brought his juniors to
a power spot deep in the mountains,
He left his mobile phone there and forgot about it
so he had to return to the power spot to retrieve it!!
So lame
You're such a grandpa!!
How terrible
Why did you accidentally leave your mobile at the power spot?
There are other people who should be better off dead too
Like this guy.
Yeah, this dude.
This summer he went to Disneyland
His daughter asked him to carry her backpack
...
You got this, man.
Try again
His daughter asked him to carry her backpack...
This one's gonna be good
Say it right!
You can do it.
One more time from the top
Alright
Don't let those guys freak you out
Just spit it out!
Come on, I believe you can do it
At least get my part right!
Right, him!
This guy...
This summer he went to Disneyland
His daughter usk- asked him to carry her backpack...
Messed up his line again
So this really buff old man
In a shirt five sizes too small
Walking around while carrying
a REALLY GIRLY backpack
he really was a muscle-brained idiot of a father!!
I know of this as well.
We have a picture of him at Disneyland
Isn't that just a pervert?!
Now that's scary
You're kidding!
This one is a fake right?
No, listen!
Things like this happen from time to time!
That's just messed up...
That entire situation is pretty messed up.
I'm stunned!
Ouch
N-no!
Shocking.
I can't take it, let's bail!
No, uh, take that with you please!
Why leave it?
I look like pretty soft here
It's only been one hour
An endless onslaught of punishments
keeps them on their toes
But those waiting in ambush
will not go easy on our 5 members!
We arrive at the next stop
Here we go
Oh boy
Wait what
Oh right!
It's this bit...
It's a standing mic?
Since the beginning we've had a clear goal
We would follow in Downtown's footsteps.
And at last we've managed to seize this one opportunity!
Translator's Note: Project X was an NHK documentary series
Doesn't he sound like the voice from Project X?
We've used a natural airhead
We were able to use funny costume routines as a punchline
But alas, we realized something.
Our pride as a manzai duo.
As long as we have one standing microphone
nothing else matters.
That said, can we even make them laugh?
Enter the duo: "Chidori"
Helloooooo!
How are you
Good morning!
This is amazing
Okay, so
I've got a scary story to tell.
Alright?
Chidori
Daigo . Nobu
A scary story, you say?
Yeah, I had to go to Kyushu for a job, right?
Kyushu eh?
So, turns out I have to stay overnight
I see.
So I booked a room at this hotel,
The place was completely run-down.
That's pretty creepy.
Well, what can you do?
So the doors opened like this.
Wait, were you in a spaceship?
Are you a spaceship crew member?
Are aliens stuck to you??
So I went to the hotel lobby and got my room key from Dracula
Oh my, it's Dracula?!
There's no freaking way Dracula would show up!
Creeeeeak
Just forget the sound effects.
So the moment I entered the room, well, I'm sure all of you get this feeling sometimes
But even though this room is supposed to be empty,
I felt someone's presence.
Pretty disgusting feeling.
Yeah, I was disgusted and tired, so I just wanted to sleep.
Right, sleep.
So I pushed aside the person on the bed.
Another mysterious being?
This is the second one!
So an hour passed
BOOM!
What happened?!
I was suddenly paralyzed!
Paralyzed?!
I couldn't move at all!
I could only look around like, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare, stare.
stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare, stare. stare, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare, stare. stare, stare. It's stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare, stare. stare, stare. It's stare, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare, stare. stare, stare. It's stare, stare, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare, stare. stare, stare. It's stare, stare, stare, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare, stare. stare, stare. It's stare, stare, stare, stare, stare.
I could only look around like, stare, stare, stare. stare, stare, stare. stare, stare. It's stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, and stare.
We get the point!
Just say it 2 times!
He was right in front of my face.
What the hell.
It was A GHOST
What do you mean a ghost?
What do you mean?
T/N: Japanese ghosts are depicted with a white triangle cloth on their forehead due to ancient burial rituals for the deceased.
So a ghost with like the white triangle headband and all?
That was the dude who was on the bed.
That "dude" was a ghost!
Whatever, in any case it was this pitch black monstrosity!
But upon closer inspection in certain areas, it was solid black!
So it was just black?!
So it suddenly came towards me and disappeared right as it hit my face!
But before disappearing, it whispered right into my ear:
@#$%&!
What the hell does that mean?!
I legitimately didn't understand that!
It was so scary that I just lay paralyzed for an hour and five minutes
That's the important part
Just say "an hour"
Snap!
What?
Paralyzed again.
Oh that's scary.
The guy started talking to me
What guy?
With a sickle in his right hand.
Right..
And some rice in his left.
So just a farmer?!
Yeah, so the farmer rushed at me and disappeared the same way!
But again, before disappearing he clearly said right into my ear:
@#$%!^*)!&!
I didn't understand that either!
Just stop!
And thank you very much!
They didn't laugh!
Not even once!
So what should I do?!
Why did you want to accept this challenge?!
You're the one who "wanted to do comedy"
Oh no, I can hear them
Could you please stop?
What're we gonna do, it's the end of the damn year!
This is the same as "the death of another comedy joke"
C'mon, no one can pull it off
with some Eddy Murphy look-alike around!
Because he laughed.
Even though they've all laughed, please enjoy the routine
comment
You're supposed to be the straight man, but you're slow!
No way man, I did it right!
But they didn't laugh!
Don't interrupt me as if they're enjoying the joke!
You should comment after they've laughed!
We can all hear you!
What do you want me to do?!
You should try increasing the tempo a bit!
The reason they get no laughs:
Nobu is way too slow to react!
Faster?
Yeah!
Let's go with that then.
Just, like, go faster
Don't drag the skit!
Let's just go!
Hello!
Routine: Vol 2
Nobu's gonna be faster to react!
Thank you!
Right, got a scary story for you.
A scary story, sure.
I had to go to Kyushu for a job.
Gotcha, Kyushu!
Suddenly I had to stay overnight at a rundown hotel!
Oh man that's scary!
Yeah scary ok, so the door opened like this:
Are you in a spaceship?!
Are you a spaceship crew member?!
The alien's stuck to you!
And so Dracula-
DRACULA
HE CAME!
Creeeeeeaaaaak
No need for that!
So I was in an empty room but still felt a presence
Yeah know that feeling
So I was really tired and went to bed
Walking towards the bed, there was someone on the bed, so I shoved him aside---
Oh damn! Another one!
A second mysterious person!!
So I went to bed sorta like this, right?
It was way late at night!?
AT NIGHT!
I woke up and couldn't move!
Frozen stiff!
I could only look around - stare
I could only look around - starestare
I could only look around - stare, stare, stare,
stare,
We get the idea!
I could only look around - stare, stare, stare, stare, stare,
I could only look around - stare, stare, stare stare, stare, stare,
I could only look around - stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare,
I could only look around - stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare,
I could only look around - stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare,
I could only look around - stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare.
Just say it twice!
So when I was paralyzed, you remember what happened?
A ghost showed up with the hat and all!
That was just the guy on the bed
That was the ghost!
So I saw the pitch black monster and if I looked closely I saw more black-
IT'S BLACK BLACK, BLACK!
So it came at me and right before disappearing it said:
Sh-
I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
I didn't UNDERSTAND!
So an hour and some minutes later
Just say an hour!
Once again I was paralyzed! Saw the ghost!
Oh man!
Sickle in his right, rice in his left!
FARMER!
So again
It came at me, and just before disappearing:
You should have beat him up!
@#$%!^*)!&!
Thanks much!
What the hell?!
Fast! But still shit!
Can we stop here?
Fast! But still shit!
Why would you perform like shit at a crucial moment?!
That was really fast
Too fast to follow.
Why are you retorting
Yeah.
before I even finish the joke?!
T/N: Tommy's is an old manzai duo consisting of the two members, Ken and Masa.
During the Tommy's manzai
after Ken-san forgot one of his retorts
Ken-san began to
retort one joke ahead of Masa-san
That was pretty stupid
It's becoming like that!
He's being really strict.
He's really going at him
Masa-san realized that
so after that he restored it back to the previous joke
Ken-san, at that point, reverted to another previous one
And then ended up with a manzai in reverse
It's becoming like that!!
That's just bad-mouthing
Seriously?
Oh, one more thing.
The bit with "I don't understand you"
Yeah, the peak of the joke
Could you repeat the line I said
right after me?
When you go "That's the most important part"
Be sure to get it right.
So after you say @#$%!^*
Don't you DARE mock my ghost lines!
I thought of those lines really carefully!
Don't say it so thoughtlessly!
The reason they get no laughs:
His spooky lines are glossed over
So I should let them listen closely?
Exactly.
Just say "Let me hear that one more time"
It's the most important part, so if they don't hear it right, there's no point!
Let's do it!
Hellooooo!
Routine: Vol 3
Emphasize the ghostly lines
Thank you, thank you!
Truth be told, I got a scary story to tell.
Oh cool, let's hear it.
I was at a gig in Kyushu a while back
Right, right.
And I had to stay the night.
So I got a room at this worn-down hotel
Oh that's creepy.
But, no other options, I had to stay.
The doors opened like this
Wait, now you're in a spaceship?
Are you a spaceship crew member?
The aliens are stuck on you??
Then I went and got my key from Dracula.
Now we got Dracula!
We got ourselves a scary one!
Creeeeaaaak
No need for that, keep going.
I'm sure you've all felt this, but as I entered my room
Though the place should've been empty
I felt some kind of presence.
Not a good feeling...
True that, but I was tired so I went straight to bed
There was someone on the bed, so I pushed them aside
Another weirdo!
The second one!
So, in the dead of night
Yeah?
BANG
Hm? What?
Paralyzed.
Paralyzed?
My body wouldn't move!
But I could still look around like stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare, stare.
Stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare, stare. Stare, stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare, stare. Stare, stare, stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare, stare. Stare, stare, stare, stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare, stare. Stare, stare, stare, stare, stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare, stare. Stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare, stare. Stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare,
But I could still look around like stare, stare, stare. Stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, stare, and stare.
Yeah we get it!
Just say it twice!
I saw, in front of me
What'd you see?
A real ghost.
Like with the white triangle and weird pose?
No, that's the guy that was on the bed
So it WAS a ghost?!
Yeah, but basically it was a completely and utterly black monster
I don't even know how to explain it
It was basically as black as can be!
But, if you looked closely you could also see some black.
Then it came lunging at me! And just before disappearing it said:
What?!
What even was that?!
I don't get it!
Why they didn't laugh:
A motorcycle went past at the most important part
Whatever, man. Thank you for listening!
100 points!