Team Gaki Presents
Team Leader: Rich Translators: BakaDollie GakiNoSuitGuy Shion (Mauro) Mickstar Shizentaisuu DCSubs tuna EcksDee Solarwings Typesetters: catpanda Hikarii Sacro pencillover12 Cherry Sevendayheaven hachiagejo Karaoke: Konohana Niji Translation Check: Oolong Quality Checkers: James PeaceBrigade John Dread
No way!!
That wasn't planned
That had to be planned
What was up with that bike?!
From now on whenever we do that comedy skit, at my punchline
everyone will hear the sound of that bike
"It would've been funnier if the bike vroomed by,"
they'd think, so the joke will fail
We can hear them so...
The timing was superb
It certainly was superb
Should've just quit that joke!
You need to consider the damn location!
What?!
What the hell do you think you're doing?!!
Was the narration back there
done by Taguchi-san?
It was, wasn't it?
The person responsible for the narration at the beginning was
Actor Taguchi Tomorowo, voice of "Project X"
Ahh, so it was Tomorowo-san
The tormenting commute is nearly over
as the police station is in sight
The long commute is nearly over
as they approach the police station
We're here?
Did we arrive already?
The group on the bus
saw the police station come into sight
There's still a long way to go!
However,
it is by no means their goal
Well, yeah...
It is their new battlefield
We arrived!!~
Oh no!
Ohh
The No-Laughing-Allowed division of the
Heipo State Omame Central Police Department
The group's fierce battle against the assassins begins as they
arrest heinous criminals at the police station of laughter
The group's fierce battle begins
as they arrest heinous criminals
at the police station where laughter is life or death
ARRIVAL TO THE POLICE STATION
Shall we get off then?
All right
Over here
Wow
The statue has changed from last year...
Everyone, this is Heipo State Omame Central Police Department
And this here
is the founder
Heipo Police
Founder of the police department
Heipo Police
Let's show respect
Attention
At ease
Shall we go?
Is there an explanation?
Can't you explain what kind of person he is, or something?
We don't have any history about such a thing!!
Is that so?
Such a thing...
Don't be rude
This place feels pretty high tech.
The police station entrance
Pretty good, eh?
3rd floor corridor
Over here
Omame Central is pretty spacious, isnt it?
Ah, please wait a moment.
You're kidding?
Fujiwara forgot the location of the room
There's no way it's that way
Please enter this room
It's clearly written on here
Shall we go inside?
We're here, we're here!
Fresh recruits' room
Woah
Alright everyone,
You'll see your names on the desk, take a seat there
and get settled in
There is clearly something suspicious there
Chucky
Hosei-san was deceived by this in the past
He has
Yeah
This is creepy, plus it's behind me
Oh my
Oh man
Oof
I want to take a piss...
What kind of setting is this, Hamada-san?
Me?
Well...
He stands out a lot...
He kind of looks like an outlaw
Yeah, but I feel really uncomfortable
This mustache is uncomfortable,
The insides of my ears feels gross
Well that...
Please don't say things like that
That won't do
I'd like to go to the bathroom but...
Yes, the bathroom...
I've had to go this whole time!
Is this how Omame Central does things??
Hey, Hamada!!
Yes?
You really like your outfit that much?
GO CHANGE
Right?
How nice!
How nice of him!
What the hell?
What the hell are you doing?
Are you stupid?
He's smiling all satisfied
I was just feeling thankful, so I'm just gonna...
You don't have to burn that image onto us
What? Seriously?!
C'mon
He's trying to burn that image in...
No way...
He leaves scars and then just walks off
Tanaka
is seriously the one...
who laughs a lot, but...
He was being vague
An hour and 30 minutes have passed since the start
An hour and 30 minutes since the start
Released from the destructive power of Hamada's face
The group is released from the destructive power of Hamada's face
After that, the 5 members
await the dreadful drawer traps!
However, after that
for them await the dreadful drawer traps!
An hour and 30 minutes of working at the police department
9:30 am
Before they start opening their drawers
the group waits for Hamada to change outfits
It's
good that that guy, Hamada isn't here
That's right
Because we're the ones who end up getting hit
You're right
It's a win for us all.
Right!
It's like a small break
It's just continuous
It's not like we can get by without talking at all
That's right
Changed to the bobbed hair wig
Why though?
Was there nothing normal to choose from?
That's not how your head usually looks
Just wear the usual
Keep your usual clothes on
Wouldn't that be fine?
Right!
Is that normal for you?
Well, if you ask me like that...
Can't you just refuse?
Even if I do refuse
Just take it off
With this
Everyone says it's "the usual"
No one says that's enough
I've been telling you this the whole time
What is this??
Really, what's with that face?
It's Tanaka's fault, it's because...
Tanaka, you're getting complacent
That's something
You're barking
That's not the case, though
Gorgeous!!
Well, let's keep going
I thought the outfit changing had already stopped
Is that so?
I was kind of expecting it
You were?
That's fine but, like
T/N: A cold perm is for creating curly/wavy hair.
why are you sporting a cold perm hairstyle?
Just recently you started getting cold perms
Yes, really
Since coming here
What the hell is this?
Oh, that's true
Since he's come here, it's been like that
Even though it was straight
Yeah thats right
Did you not notice?
It's a pretty strong perm
Yes, it's more styled
What is up with that?
Well, because it's fashionable
But
A wavy hairstyle might be better
To cover up this area
HOSEI'S HAIR HAS LATELY BECOME THINNER
Is that so?
If it were straight, it'd be more notic---
It would just part right down the middle
Tanaka, how is it?
It's incredible
Yep.
Let's stop it already
"Let's stop it already"...
Let's just stop it
Seriously, though
Yeah, let's
Yeah, in a place like this
Yes, it's kind of...
That's no good
What kind of smell does it have?
See?
He says something different again
The bald spot
I've never really smelled it
How about we carry you and smell it?
We'll pick you up,
you, Yamasaki
Carry?
Like a coffin
Shall we carry him?
Hmm?
I didn't think we'd actually do it
Why carry him like a coffin?
How should we do this?
Go and smell it
Hold me properly
Pffftt
Eh?
Hold on a minute
It stinks!
It stinks!!
What's with that smell?
How did we get here
Let's stop it already
What's wrong with this guy?
Ahh, scary
It was Yamasaki who did it, right?
Yes yes yes
Because he was being carried
What are you doing?
It stinks!!
It seriously stank
Because Hamada lifted me up like that
the poof came out
But still, doesn't it stink?
It can't be helped that it stinks
I only wanted to smell your head...
Seriously, what is this even?
It's enough already
Let's stop
We're old now
It's fine already
We'll smell it later
Where there won't be any cameras
I don't want to anymore
Why the hell
Now then
Everyone, I think we're all aware of this but
We've all got drawers...
Yep, every year.
Yeah
There's also a DVD player
DVD player
Let Tanaka open it
I'm not so sure about that
8 years of consecutive DVD thai kicking
Hotel
Spy
Airport
Teacher
EDF
Prison
Detective
Scientist
Earlier, Tanaka or myself have been
the first to open up our drawers
That's right
And then we just went around the table
Well, mind if I take the lead this year?
Matsumoto will be this year's first opener
I see
We don't know after all
Makes sense
It's always frightening
Yeah cause we have no idea what's inside
Okay come on, I'll try
I wonder if it will open properly this time
Last time it was so old it was hard to open
Nothing inside
Nothing in there
Oooh! There it is!
A DVD!
A DVD
I don't like this
A DVD, huh...
Mysterious DVD
A single DVD
Well it's pretty common in this part
This one's strange, there's usually a "1" or "2" written on the DVDs we get each year
but there's only "DVD" written on this one
I see
This gives me a bad feeling
We can't just avoid it and move on, right?
Well we'll have to watch it anyway eventually
Well, I think
It won't hurt that much just to watch this DVD, right?
Appearance OK Derby
Will our famous guests say yes to performing
while wearing an unexpected disguise?
These are the various discussions they had, filmed by our hidden cameras
Negotiations were filmed by a hidden camera
And the disguise they'll wear for us is...
Banana juice is completed! Foooooh!!
Razor Ramon HG
Three celebrities are the candidates!
Three celebrities will participate in this race!
Who among them will be the one to say yes to performing!?
What is it all about?
First one is this person
Good morning
It's a pleasure to work with you
The pleasure is mine
Please have a seat
Eeeh!?
Thank you
Ehh!?
Is he really doing this for us?
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Kobayashi Nenji
For his acting in the 1999 movie "Poppoya"
He received the Japanese Academy Prize as best male actor
A resolute actor with 55 years of activity
T/N: This footage in the background is from the movie released in 1999, "Poppoya" which means "Railroad Man". Directed by Yasuo Furuhata. Screenplay written by Yoshiki Iwama.
He was presented with the Japan Academy Prize as best male actor
by appearing in the movie "Poppoya"
55 years as a devoted actor
Our discussion with our famous guest acknowledged by Takakura Ken
Here's the discussion we had with the star
acknowledged by Takakura Ken himself about taking part on our show!
We're from the show "Gaki no Tsukai"
Have you ever seen it?
I have
Ah, we're glad to hear that
Of course I have
The one in which you dealt with kids, was it?
In which you made them go do the errands or such...?
That's a show called "Hajimete no Otsukai" (my first errand) and it's not "Gaki no Tsukai"
T/N: "Hajimete no Otsukai" is a variety show where kids (usually preschool or kindergarten age) are sent off to run errands alone. They are supervised with wireless microphones and hidden cameras to document how well they can accomplish the task given.
He mixed 'em up because of the word "Tsukai"
That's a show called "Hajimete no Otsukai" (my first errand) and it's not "Gaki no Tsukai"
I see, it's not "Gaki no Tsukai"
Ahh, "Otsukai" and "Tsukai"
I'm sorry
Yeah, it's that word
Do you happen to know Downtown?
Yes, of course
Matsumoto-san doesn't know me personally
I see
What about Hamada-san?
Yes, a long time ago
T/N: "Papa to Nacchan" (meaning "Papa and Nacchan") is a 1991 drama that is sequel to "Papa wa Newscaster" and "Papa wa Nenjuu Kurou Suru".
He appeared in the 1991 drama "Papa to Nacchan" with Hamada
We took part in "Papa to Nacchan"
Oh, that's right
Yeah, true
Oh right
What was your impression of Hamada?
Hmm, well
He felt like a neighborhood bully, and it felt good to look at him
Is that so?
He seems like those "kenkattare", as they call them in Kansai
T/N: "Kenkattare" is composed of the words kenka = fight, and -ttare = sort of like "person who would easily do X"
He seems like those "kenkattare", as they call them in Kansai
Yes
And what can you say about the duo called Cocorico?
I know their name, sure
Oh, really?
And what about Tsukitei Hosei?
Well...
Sorry
I haven't studied enough
He really hasn't studied enough, huh... Geez
Well it hasn't been long since you've changed your name, that's why
Yeah that's it
Well it hasn't been long since you've changed your name, that's why
He doesn't know who Hosei-san is...
I mean if he knew about us he would surely know him too
Yeah I-
I mean if he knew about us he would surely know him too
That's what I thought
I mean if he knew about us he would surely know him too
And so, our real question
We were wondering if you would give your consent to perform a comedy skit for us
A significant responsibility, isn't it?
An HG clip was shown to him so he would know what it's all about
Hard Gay has come~
More! More!
Mo~re! Oka~y!
So, what do you think of what you just saw?
I want to attempt it
That's what I thought
Huh?
His main feature is his high-pitched voice
What?
For real?
But I don't think you have such an high pitch...
That's not true at all
Ah
Foo~!
We'll have you wear his outfit for us and I'm sure if you came out like this in front of the five of them, it'll make them laugh their head off, no doubt
You know
Yes?
I don't really have comedic skills because I'm just a mere actor
But now that you ask me, I feel intrigued
Eh?
Negotiation ended
Thanks a lot
Eh?
Ehhh?!
The next person we discussed with is the following
'Morning
Good morning
It's a pleasure to work with you
It's a pleasure
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Kameda Shiro
A trainer-dad who raised his three sons to become world champions of boxing
The face he shows during matches or such is just like that of a demon
Are you wearing a goddamn diaper, you dumbass?!
Here's our discussion with a man who doesn't get jokes!
We're from "Downtown's Gaki no Tsukai", have you ever watched it?
Yes, I have
Downtown, love 'em
Oh, really?
Yeah I love them
What impression did you get from Downtown?
They're funny, 'cause they're from Kansai, you know
And I'm from Kansai too, so I get what they're saying
I think Kansai dialect's rhythm is funny
Is Kansai the only reason you like Downtown?
That's---
Can't help it, it's hilarious 'cause it's in Kansai dialect
T/N: Many comedians come from the Kansai region where their dialect is blunt and straight to the point, unlike Tokyo dialect which sounds more polite and can be intentionally vague.
The way you say that...
That's kinda disrespectful
The one I like is actually Yamasaki Hosei
Is that so?
Yeah, between them
What do you like about Hosei-san?
I think he's friggin' funny
He's hilarious whatever he does or doesn't
That's an OUT, you know
Is he an idiot?
You're OUT
He's smiling so happily
You can do better than that!
I think he could
And so, our real question
Razor Ramon HG
Razor Ramon?
The one who goes "Foh", yeah?
You know I'm teaching boxing to lil' kids in Kansai
If I do this
I'll just be asked to do the "Foh!"
If the kids don't listen to me anymore, what am I gonna do?
You see, my reputation
I think with this
My reputation will go amiss
Negotiation ended
The next one undergoing our interview is this person
I wonder how this will turn out
Good morning, it's a pleasure to meet you
Same here
What?
Thanks for being here
For real?!
How far are they going?
No way
Just how far?
Wait
It's the president
Ouch
The president
It's the company president!
She's a woman, you know
Yeah
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Director of APA Hotel Motoya Fumiko
Our next interview will be on President
Motoya Fumiko, director of APA Hotel
The President behind 438 Hotels in total in Japan
She's the woman leading the APA Hotel business,
Just amazing
which counts a huge business of structures in all Japan
Yes, impressive
APA Group Annual Turnover
The company's annual turnover is incredibly high, around a hundred billion yen!
110.5 billion yen
T/N: ¥110.5 billion is currently $1,005,550,000 USD (a little over a billion)
Have you ever heard of the "No Laughing" series?
Oh, "No Laughing" you said?.
Have you ever watched it?
Oh my yes, I have, it's a super popular tv show
The one in which if you laugh you're out, right?
Yes
The one where they're hit by a burdock root on their butt
A burdock root?
That one, right?
"Burdock"...
And here's our question
We were thinking about a disguise
Oh my
This is a tad extreme, isn't it?
What kind of situation is this...
I never really met him but I have seen him on television
Oh
Yes
I see
When it comes down to something we have to do, I believe it is my duty to do it for advertising purposes
But given that I have the responsibility to improve our brand through advertisements
Well, that's reasonable
Thus I'm unsure
Makes sense
Negotiation ended
It's a bit tough
I wonder what will happen
And so, who will give consent to dress as Razor Ramon HG between them?
T/N: This commercial break has snuck into this version of the video. Sit back and enjoy this bit of Japanese TV culture or feel free to skip to 19:31
Let's go anywhere
Even if the path is harsh
As we whistle, let's keep running on
Happiness is waiting
From beyond the sky
Hot!
Huff, huff, huff
Ahh
Mmmmmmh
Huff, huff, huff
Boiling and simmering
Ahh
Clear Asahi and today's hot pot
Aff yud ehpet (As you'd expect)
Aff yud ehpet vrom za mahihrate (As you'd expect from the magistrate)
It's black huh?
Top class richness and
Top class fragrance on
A top class night
Wouldn't you?
No wonder it's 3 stars
This is a huge line!
It's that kind of season
Huh? Kin-chan?
I've been in line for 3 days
What are you looking for?
The kind of love that's precisely for me
He's talking about love...
I'm really looking forward to "the one"
Introducing: iPhone X At au, it's 50% off
Precise, precise, precise, precise, precise, precise,
What's going on? Precise, precise, precise, precise, precise, precise,
Wanna go out?
Sure
Huh?
Does that mean... It's a yes?
Precise, precise...
Our Precise Plan with a smartphone
And so, who will give consent to dress as Razor Ramon HG between them?
Maaaan, this is just...!
Ok, Matsumoto-san, please answer this question!
I have to pick??
Looks like it became a quiz
Eh? What should I do?
Well considering the enthusiasm they show, probably the unexpected Nenji-san was the one who seemed likely
Yeah, he was positive about this
So I say Kobayashi Nenji-san!!
Eh?
Correct Answer: Now Entering
Ehhhhh?
Okay! Okay!
Okay! O~kay!
OKAAAYY!!
Razor Ramon Hard Gay Kameda Shiro
I'm doing it, can you believe it!?
The backbone of the Kameda family has arrived!!
Here we go!!
Kameda Shiro FOOH~!!
Thanks!!
No matter how you look at it, I'm the Osakan Hard Gay!!
Everyone, do you think this is funny?
I'm not doing anything terribly dangerous
Okaay!!
I'm the world champion Hard Gay, FOOH~!!
Okay okay
How many times is he gonna say okay??
That surprised me
Yeah, I wouldn't have expected that old guy to come...
That was interesting
He didn't seem to indicate any sort of interest in doing it
A lot must have happened behind the scenes
That was pretty amusing
That's the first time I've ever seen an old guy be that energetic
He kept saying "okay okay"
You laughed then
Hard Gay never said "Okay" all that often, right?
Say Say Say Fooh~!!
Should I go?
Yeah
Here we go...
Ahh
There's not a lot in these
Nothing
Recently Endo has…
It's here
Key #2
What is it?
Number 2?
This is Number 2
Over there
Here
Locker #2
This is kinda scary
It's pretty big
Yeah, no kidding
For sure, I'm tired of this
Here we go
Huge!
Mystery Confiscated Box
So it's this kind of setup
It's a heavy case
I wonder if we should see it too?
Might be that I'm the only one who should see it...
What kind of thing is it?
Is it something that you would use?
We should each look at it one by one
Since Hamada knows me better…
It's probably related to Endo's history
Yeah it is, isn't it
What? What? What?
You put it on your head, right?
What What What?
I'm getting scared
Probably best to look the other way and put it on
So I, uh...
There's another part to this
So I would like to try it once
Sorry, my apologies
It's something he uses
It's not something you look at, it's for Endo's use!!
I'm starting
Yeah, you'll see
It's Hiromi Chan
T/N: Iwasaki Hiromi is a J-Pop singer who debuted in 1975.
That's Iwasaki Hiromi, right?
Yeah
Cinderella Honeymoon
Anyone Can Be Iwasaki Hiromi Set
Looks just like her!
It's just like Korokke-san's acting
T/N: Korokke is a singer, actor, and comedian who specializes in doing impressions. He has appeared in the Spy Batsu.
Yes, it's just like Korokke-san!
Why Endo though?!
Of course we're gonna laugh at something like that!!
This is crazy
Do they even sell those?
Are they sold, I wonder
This has to be custom made
This is really well done
Anyone can be Hiromi-Chan
This was all I found
Hey Yamazaki, you wanna go next?
Tanaka's just going to get a DVD anyway…
Well… I hope not…
Well, since Matsumoto got one
Oh I have one too…
It's a key
Key #1
Number 1
Key number 1
Noo!
It's the same
Mystery Confiscated Box
Who is it gonna be?
Who IS it going to be?
If you look at the precedent
Tanaka could you come over here…
Yeah that's a good idea…
Yeah, I might see it on accident
You wear it, right?
Is it?
Yes
Who?
Let's look this way…
Wearing it is better…
Yeah
Huh?
What is this song?
Who sang this song?
Mikawa-san
Just wearing it is good enough
This one was good too
Anyone Can Be Kenichi Mikawa Set
T/N: Kenichi Mikawa is a Japanese enka singer who was popular in the 60's and 70's.
That face pisses me off!!
It really resembles him!!
It really does!
It's Korokke-san, doing an impression of Mikawa-san
That's kinda scary…
I realized too late...
You've hurt yourself this time
This is really expensive, right?
Definitely expensive
I should display Iwasaki's too
There's a third one
Locker #3
Since Matsumoto had the DVDs, maybe Tanaka has...
I might have the third one, guessing by the flow of things
Hey Endo
That angle... Could you stop it?
Could you face them the other way?
Let's line them up?
Put them in the boxes
Yes yes, please
They're so well made, so better to show them
Ohhhhhh heh heh…
That's not fair
Korokke-san is too powerful
Amazing
Let's stop this…
The combination of these two...
Please put them back in the boxes!
Put them away
Okay, should you go Tanaka?
Yeah, I'll open
Sasoriza no onna~
T/N: The song that Matsumoto is singing is "Sasoriza no Onna" ("Scorpio Woman"), which is one of Kenichi Mikawa's hit song.
Really?
A DVD…
Here it is!
Mystery DVD 1
I thought that because Matsumoto had one…
It says "1" on it
It's labeled, "DVD 1"
That's true
Mystery DVD 2
An attack on Tanaka
It wouldn't be a real Batsu without these, y'know…
It could be another Appearance OK Derby
Yeah, it could be something completely different too
Starting from the first
Please cut this out
This DVD is a detective simulation game
Please select the best answer that will solve the case with A or B
It's all on you, Tanaka
You are the only one who decides the outcome
Me?
Game Start
Heir to the Inn
Satomi
Why…?
Long Standing Inn
Steaming Murder Mystery
Investigation Begin
Tanaka
My name is Tanaka Naoki.
I'm a field detective for Itohama Police Station.
This case has a very troublesome smell about it…
Can I help you?
Please wait a moment!
Tanaka-senpai
Could you not leave before me?
Understudy Detective Nakamura Shunsuke
Why do you leave me behind?
But, a murder at such a reputable hot springs inn is just…
Just what could have happened…
Anyway, this case's first witness is the inn's Senior Hostess
Let's go ahead and get her
Excuse me!
Yes!
Welcome
Senior Hostess Akimoto Naomi
Thank you for coming from so far away
Tanaka
This is the inn's senior hostess, Akimoto Naomi
She managed the inn with the murdered heir, Satomi, along with 2 others
Sorry to get straight to the point, but…
Could you tell us the details of how you found the body?
I found her in the middle of the night at 2am
It was a matter of hours. Prior to that she was happily doing her work
Did you notice anything weird about her recently?
Now that you mention it, she has been arguing with a fellow waitress
Even if I were joking, you're the heir!
How can you have such an attitude in front of customers!?
Huh?
What is the matter?
Doesn't it stink?
It could be that dirty detective
You smell like garbage
Do you regularly shower?
Just end it right there
That's a painful line isn't it?
Yeah… So rude
You smell like garbage
Do you regularly shower?