Team Gaki Presents
Team Leader: Rich Translators: BakaDollie BabyStand Shion Kenny Shizentaisuu Carley G. EcksDee Solarwings Typesetters: papi's bolgy-wolgy-yummy-cummies Sacro pencillover12 carebu kannibleklown Nigel Spencer Hamilton Textualpoacher Vladimir Krasiy tommysenarii Elestriel Andrew Grice Caleb Barrett Karaoke: Konohana Niji Translation Check: Oolong Quality Checkers: John Dread
And then
They sure went out of their way to film this
Hello hello madam of the apartment complex
The inside of your mouth has has saliva that is perfect
Hello hello master of the apartment complex
There he is
Indeed
The bad breath within your mouth is perfect
Wild bomb
Cookie
T/N: Cookie is from the comedy duo, Yasei Bakudan. He regularly appears in the last segment of the Batsu games with really bizarre dialog and art.
Wild bomb
Cookie
Dear audience
I hope you are all in high spirits
My, my
It has become quite noisy as of late
As if you were all a child looking for a teat to suckle on
I want
I waaaanttt
Garittochuu
Fukushima Yoshinari
T/N: Garittochuu is a comedy duo with Yoshinari as one of the members.
That's disgusting
So,
My important friends Hosei and Endo-kun
My minions have taken them away
You must hurry and save them
The jeans they've gotten wet
will become frozen~!
The side of your face goes buzz buzz buzz knockout!
T/N: "Bun bun" is a Japanese onomatopoeia for buzzing sounds while beating someone up or punching them is "bun-naguri". There really was no way to make sense out of it and it's just a really crappy pun.
Hahahahahaha
What the hell is this?
So in order to do that
I think you will have quite the adventure
looking for the treasure!
Isn't that right Mr.Bird
From here on out in the pitch black darkness
the legendary hidden treasure, "Golden Skull"
will be what you seek
After this, from here on out
you are allowed to laugh, however
you'll be OUT if you get startled
Nnn~
Kiss
You'll be OUT
There it is
Again it's Tanaka
I'll be more careful this time
Could you not swing your elbow at our face like you usually do?
Yeah, the "uwaah" and then "bang"
Dark blood just spilling out of our noses
Absolutely not
Special Late Night Rules
Absolutely Must Not Get Scared
Treasure Hunter
Currently confined to this place
Kidnapped Hosei and Endo are confined to this place
I get it, I get it I get it!
Heeey
They went again
In order to save Endo and Hosei they have to find the legendary hidden treasure
Leaving on a rescue mission
I have a bad feeling about this
Floor Corridor
Let's work together, alright?
We're always working together
If we're not together we're on our own
No, that's not right
I often take the lead, don't I?
It's because you're young
But still...
That's completely different
Woah
Again...
Huge
Present box
That damn big thing is scary...
That's a present
That's a present box, right?
There are standing spots
Please wait here after lining up
Wait, why am I in the middle?
Why?
Nnya
Woah!
The hell?
It's because he let out a strange sound
Cookie
You are humbly offered
a present from myself
Please open the lid
Tanaka
Me?
It's fine
Let's open it all together
If Matsumoto gives me a hand, then sure
But I have stiff shoulders
You can still open this though, right?
How do we do it?
Like this
Just do it in one move?
Something was ejected from the box
Stop doing that
Oh man...
Stop that
Damnit, Tanaka
What is this?
Cookie
Please pick it up
What?
Present from Cookie
What is this?
These are the bangs from the former
volleyball world prince Kawai Shunichi
Photo: Afro Sports
whose parents manage a tonkatsu restaurant
That's what it is
This part here
Is that so?
His parents manage a tonkatsu restaurant huh?
First time I've heard that
Same
Floor
It's probably a lot easier being captured
Yeah
There's a sign saying, "Wait Here"
This is gonna be scary
Yeah
Count down until the prank seconds left
Over here?
WAAAHHHHHHH
Yeah, look at that!
Something fell from the ceiling
Stop doing that!!
Anyone would startle
This would startle anyone!
A half-used tube?
That's weird!
It came from above, I don't understand this
I didn't know what it was, so I got startled!
Wouldn't you be startled
by something unknown!
What is it?
What is this?
Present from Cookie
This is the leftover hair gel used by
Kawai Shunichi,
whose parents manage a tonkatsu restaurant
Amazing
Amazing, isn't it?
WHAT!?
A group of men with painted faces attack Tanaka
What!?
Save me...
WHAT!?
EH?
What? Wait a second
What are you doing!?
Cold cold cold
No one should be startled like that
Something like that...
He got pushed away
What's that?
It is the finished image of Kawai Shunichi
You've been given bangs
I've been given bangs
The remainder of the gel was used to complete Kawai Shunichi's hair
Now that I think about it, you always get these kinds of treatments
Yes, I do, I do, it's so surpising
That's right, so violent
Confinement Room
These two are anxious about something
Downtown are 55 years old
Yeah
When you look at Hamada-san from the side...
The dented area of his eyes really shows his age...
When he is really tired
His eyelids make him look 5 times older...
That means he is human after all
Seems so
He needs to accept that and connect with the next generation
What's up with this?
Ahh...
Floor Entrance
They really have it easy
Is this the pattern of going outdoors?
Wow, it does seem like the outdoors pattern
Wait, what are you doing?
Tanaka making the two seniors go forward as shields
What are you doing, pushing us?
Scary
Creepy
I just got startled by the Heipo statue
Well, we---
Woah
What?? What???
That was sudden
A voice is heard coming from the truck
That's right
Save me
Save me~
Wait
It's Heipo-san, right?
Save me
What
Woah
Heipo
currently wrapped in a mat made of reeds
Help me, quick!
Heipo-san!
What's wrong, Heipo?
Please
Please release me quickly
Let's get him out
That's right
Heipo!!
I'm scared, please save me
What's up with this
Ha Ha Ha Hawoaaahh
Alright alright
What happened?
I was wrapped up
Wrapped up?
Wrapped up, right?
Rescuing wrapped up Heipo
It's good that it's Heipo though
Yeah
Ehh what do I do now!?
Riding in a truck with Heipo in bad weather
Pursuing the hidden treasure with rigorous commitment
After adding an easily scared man to the team,
they commit to pursuing the hidden treasure
Aaahhhhhhh
It's just shaking
It is a car after all
No!
There is no such thing
But... There is, isn't there?
Heipo and Tanaka together is...
Yeah, just give us a break
I hate being sandwiched between these two
I'm scared!
I get that
The truck arrives at its destination
We're here
We arrived
We stopped
The car stopped
When I was getting wrapped up they said, "Show them this"
You should've said that sooner
What the hell
The contents of the letter are...
The four of you have to go to the shrine that is further ahead in darkness. Attain the Gold Skull and the stone slabs that lead the way
Stone slab?
Get the stone
Let's go then
Could the three of you go please?
Why
Are you fine with being here all by yourself?
Scary, that's scary
Emergency
Four of them aim for the shrine
Find the stone slab that will lead to the hidden treasure!!
Truck
Destination
From the truck's location to the shrine it's about 300 meters which is about a 10 minute walk
From the truck to the shrine
is about a 10 minute walk
However, during the walk...
Pitch black darkness
Ow, ouch!
From here on out four of them are equipped with a camera that can film even in the dark
Into the world of darkness
There's a sense of evil
[Matsumoto] Heipo, you coming?
[Heipo] No no no, I don't wanna go
No no no
The beginning of the perilous tunnel
A tunnel?
It is a tunnel!
It's definitely impossible
They said four people, so we have no choice
[Heipo] Aaaaaaaaaa
I don't like this
C'mon Heipo
It is certainly impossible to do it alone
This is bad, bad, bad
[Heipo] This is absolutely impossible
Because we are shooting with a special camera it looks bright
Oooh, I see!
Their field of vision
is almost zero
I couldn't see anything
[Hamada] This is horrible
Stone slab
Scary
Empty can prank in seconds
This is...?
This would be scary
Scary, scary, scary
Right?
Why are you so loud?
Aaahhhhh
Ahhh!!
What is it? WHAT IS IT??
SOMETHING'S THERE
THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE!!
What what what
What?
Please save me...
Something grabbed my leg
Is there someone there?
I'm scared
I told you I heard clanking
Something grabbed me
I saw it with my own eyes
You really can't see anything
You're right
You really can't
I'm blind
Do you see people's shadows ahead?
What is it?
Human Shadows Ahead
That's scary
It was a little scary
That's scary isn't it
What's happening?
It's actually an old woman holding a baby
No no no no nooo
That's enough
It was scary, but we couldn't see her
Aaaahhhhhh Aaaaahhh
You couldn't see
You really couldn't see
Heipo, what is it?
There's something AAHHH
Let's go
It's all black and white, so you can't tell what's there
It's so hard to see
It would be nice if they lit her up with a lantern or something
Look it's moving!!
Ahhhhh AHHHHH
Shut up, Heipo
Who is it? Who is it?
Who's there?
AHHHHHH
Who is it? I can't see a damn thing!
What? WHO?
AHHHhhh What is this?
That's so scary
Scary scary scary
I can't see I can't see
You really couldn't see
It's a ghost!
WHAT WHAT
It was the ghost of an old woman
An old woman? What the heck
It was an old woman, didn't you see?
That's scary
I want to stop!
Creepy, right?
Ahhh! I hate it! I hate it! I'm leaving!
Where are you going?
I wanna go home
What the hell are you saying... I'll kill you!!
Why the hell are you saying you want to go home?
It's too dark, I can't do this
Abandoned Trash
I can't see anything
I really can't see
I can't see
Without the lanterns we'd be totally blind
It's really dark
At this time of night there's no way I can see in front of me
Of course these four can't see it
This is a mountain, inside the mountain
That's right
It's pitch black...
Pitch black
It's scary, I can't see
This is dangerous
I'm no good at thi- Ah?
SOMETHING'S HERE
AAAaaAAAhhhh
Oh no!!!
We really should quit, what do I do, I'm so scared!
Shut up already!!
I don't understand!!
I don't see anything
What is this... It's creepy
Where are we?
This isn't Hosei or Endo, right
No it's not
They eagerly continue searching for the other two
Does your eldest son bathe with you?
I bathe with him when I'm home
They're so relaxed
Just recently, he's had some teeth pulled
What the heck?
Getting teeth pulled is torture
Things really do change
Idly talking about their family with love
I wish I was at home
Yeah, you were waiting that whole time
They take small, uneasy steps, as the visibility is almost completely zero
Bad Visibility
Unsure Footing
Walking in total darkness for 30 minutes
In the darkness is a mysterious building
Should we go here?
Go where?
There's an arrow here, is there a door?
Ohhh?
Do we go in?
This is the worst
This is scary... Ahhhh
Arriving at the destination
Oh no
Open the wooden box Retrieve the stone slab
Open the wooden box
Retrieve the stone slab
How should we open it?
Lift it-
Lift it up and open it
I already hate this
Prank incoming in seconds
Let's go in order
Ready go
A skeleton hidden in the wall
Whatwhatwhat?
That shocked me, ugh...
What what what?
Is this it?
Ah, you're right those are slabs
2 slabs discovered
They were there
Those are slabs
That's it
Hosei and Endo wait in the sacred shrine
With the slabs, they have confirmed that the other 2 are waiting in the sacred shrine
They try to hurry there, but-
The door won't open
Huh?
This sucks...
No way
Wait
Are we locked in?
Prank incoming in seconds
What?
It was locked
The ceiling lowers with great force
That's scary
That scared me... Damnit...
That's so scary!
This isn't okay
That's dangerous...
We're stuck
Isn't there an exit somewhere?
An exit? Where?
Why don't we try that again, now that we're down here?
Ouch, Ow, Oof
Let's try opening the door from down here
Aahhhh it opened!
The door opened
It's open
It's open it's open
It's open, it's open
Uwaaa
Shut up already
He just couldn't stop talking
After following the track for one hour
the four have returned to the tunnel
That was long
For sure, that was long
When Heipo joins us, Tanaka seems somewhat dependable
Looking at myself objectively...
"Where are we going?" "I WANNA GO HOME" , he says
Like he's a 5 year old kid!!
Since his help is unwanted, Heipo is withdrawn
They set out for the sacred shrine
All three are exhausted
Come on...
It's pretty muddy
It's muddy
Hosei and Endo get to just take it easy this whole time
You're damn right
Is this it on our left?
Isn't this it?
The Sacred Shrine
Oh there are stone slabs there
HEYYYY WE'RE IN HERE
Inside the shrine, the two wait
HEYYYYY
Using the two stone slabs, they enter the shrine
They're here
So, it's this huh
That's it
When we put it together, we'll see who it is
Insert the slabs to reveal the face
It's that kind of thing
It's one of those
This goes like this, first
There. And this one
Right
WE'RE HERE WE'RE HERE
Sure, hold on
WE'RE HERE
Oh it's Hanako
The doors to the shrine open
It opened!
It's open
Thank you
Thanks
Him too!!
He has bangs like Kawai Shunichi
Wha- Who?
Endo was attacked by the white makeup gang
They came in the room and swarmed him
I had no idea what was happening
Oh I see
Just like his partner Tanaka
They kept yelling like "Gwaah!"
They set his hair with gel
Hair gelled identically like Tanaka
Oh they did up it nicely
They did what?
Kawai Shunichi's bangs, apparently
Yes
Is that it?
Shunichi's bangs...?
Hosei and Endo were successfully rescued!
Then
Flowing out a radiant light
From within the shrine, a light flowed out
What's this?
A golden...
Daisuke Miyagawa sculpture
T/N: Skull, sculpture. Another play on words.
(Daisuke Miyagawa and Hanako) Cookie sure loves those two
Yes
Is it okay if we just take this sculpture?
We're treasure hunters, you know
That's right
I see
Oh right
Right
I get it, I get it
Let's take it
Us? Well, I really don't know if we should...
It's gotta be you
We had to do everything up till now
We did all that adventuring, right?
Right
Let's take it together
Got it
Is it okay?
It's okay to take this, right?
Right
You have to get the treasure, I think
I think so
Should we take it together?
We're taking it
Ready-
Sudden tremors
How dare they! The golden Daisuke Miyagawa sculpture has been stolen!
Because of you "He" will be awakened!
Quick! Run!
Otherwise! Otherwise something bad will happen to you!
HELLO EVERYBODY
Is your wife making miso soup again today?
Giant Emperor
Is your wife making miso soup again today?
Is she making it!?
You there! You stole my treasure, didn't you!
Aha~! The great emperor is angry~!
I don't know what's going to happen to you~!
I don't know what's going to happen to you...
Trying to get away?!?!
A boulder fell into the shrine
What do we do?
Do we run?
Sirens signal catastrophe
I can't see
Let's run
This way!
That's right
Watch your feet
That looks like it
Careful, careful
Wait wait
What's happening~?
Where are we going?
5-man pedal-car escape
Oh look, there's more
Oh no! Hamada, are you coming?
Walking would be faster, though
Every year...
You have to slip your legs in
Is this good?
Okay, let's pedal
Ready, go
Prank incoming in seconds
Like this
Like this?
Let's go slow
Sorry, my foot
But that's-
Giant
Emperor
It's coming!
Scary scary scary scary
That's actually scary!
Go faster!
Brother grandchild grandchild grandchild
Aren't you getting hot?
That's hot
Hot!
He's coming, he's coming!
Wow
Let's run!
They all make it out safely
This is divine punishment
Let's go
That's scary
"We don't have money" they say
You just threw a ton of cash at this thing!
Seriously
Research Lab - 19 hours have passed
As new treasure hunters
The five men
Have faced grueling trials
Having conquered all the chaos
Finally
They've come upon that moment
Everyone
The treasure hunter training was long, but it's finally over
YES!
Good work
Finally
It's already become 2019 now
2019, huh?
Research Lab - Entrance
We're done
Happy New Year!
2019...
There he is
At last, let's end things with a treasure hunter riddle
Huh?
Oh, that's a nice idea
Then please finish it off cleanly
Then, here I go
Alright
In regards to treasure hunting, I will reveal something about Matsumoto Hitoshi
And that is?
And that is
Your bodybuilding must be tough
Wait, do I have that wrong...?
Huh? What does that mean?
In regards to treasure hunting, I will be Matsumoto Hitoshi...
Yes
I will be Matsumoto Hitoshi...
Ack
That's enough
That doesn't finish things off
That's enough
Please let me say it, this is the last thing, I'll say it properly this time
This isn't how you end things
That's enough, that's enough
I got Endo's recoil too...
I'll be leaving now
You're going to leave first?!
Pardon me... Yes! I'll be leaving now!
Farewell
That was horrible
Everyone, if you leave, it'll really be over
Yep
The number of times their asses were hit
Matsumoto Hitoshi
Hamada Masatoshi
Endo Shozo
Tanaka Naoki
Tsukitei Hosei
That was a horrible finish
That was the last, would've been nice if he could've finished it
Who is it?
Konayuki (Powdered Snow)
Fujimaki Ryouta (from Remioromen)
T/N: Remioromen is a rock band who debuted in 2000. Konayuki, one of their hit songs, won Best Pop Video Award from the MTV Video Music Awards Japan in 2006.
Oh, Konayuki?
Konayuki
Fujiwara on a horse bike, always a smile on his face
Masatoshi makes us laugh, even though we're looking at the same wig
Got hit in the ass, it's time to start
On the bus, Leader Haruna relentlessly spits out venom
Behind Chidori's vicinity, we found smoke
They aren't part of his persona, but Furutachi gives it his all
While the trio play limbo, boobooboobs, boobooboobs
Even though it's the same Hyokkori, there is no laughter
Though their hearts are healed
White face paint Masatoshi is just creepy
Hey Ototake, if you had fun from the bottom of your heart
Is that where you use it?
The duo's grill jokes were built up only to be brought down
Hana's will to become an actress was displayed through her skills
Inoue gets the black excavator, pressing down until there's an explosion
The key doesn't reach, Hitori blacks out
Even if you say you can't answer, the ass doesn't wait, doesn't wait, doesn't wait
Mary who rubs her breasts, and Mama who whispers her song
Kimura's love for Matsumoto
Just talking about him for a little immediately causes a grown man to cry
Hey Takashima, in your underwear, you've exposed your super masochist side
The same repetitive joke is a gift of laughter to us
Hey Ueshima, even without having to pinch your balls, Degawa gets angry
Even if the female audience is creeped out, continue on without shame
This year again, the old guys are whipped without injuries
The five laughed their way to the end of the Heisei era to the new year
May this year be overflowing with laughter
And so, we've moved onto the new year during the video playback
Everyone, Happy New Year!
Happy New Year!
Thank you very much
This year, the slap was done so decisively
It was like watching art
That slap was a clean slap
About the culprit, honestly, like the Hipopo descendant...
I have no idea what the hell was being said to me
Well, yes, you're right
What and why... What is going on?!
This year's was a bit difficult
It was so difficult!
It's like, "What does this even mean?"
From the time Professor Daikichi started explaining, it made no sense
No sense at all
"What the hell is this?"
Thus
We hope you continue to watch Gaki no Tsukai in 2019!
Please
Good job everyone
This story is fictional. All business names and other entities are fabricated.
For those who want to watch the Absolutely No Laughing Treasure Hunters again, please go to Hulu
THEN WHY DON'T YOU GODDAMN DO IT
The previous series are also being streamed!