Team Gaki Presents
Team Leader: Rich Translators: Conjyak BabyStand solar Zebestt sonjeigo photodiode GakiNoSuitGuy funtonite AshAbs Typesetters: Small Carl Adilofax Sacro Dudedafool carebu samsamuel Nigel Amria Textualpoacher kannibleklown Nojiko Caleb Barrett Karaoke: Konohana Niji Translation Check: Oolong Quality Checkers: John Dread Ecksdee Elestriel Moocau
Eh!?
What is going on?
Whoa... This is scary!
Is there a fight going on?
There's a fight? Isn't that a bit early?
Right!
There's quite a racket
Men's bathroom
Shall we go check it out...?
Come on, get out!
Come on!
Tanaka... You're tall. Help him
Help him
Help him, Tanaka
Hold on... Yes
Hey, please stop...
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!!
Um... I'm just a new student here
THE HELL IS THIS CHIN, HUH!!
Who invited this big chin bastard!?
That must've been scary
That hurt so much
That hurt...
That hurt so much!
Get your ass in gear! Come out!
OY! What is going on here!?
You punks!
Bunch of bad guys
Are you okay?
They must have done quite the number on him...
Are you okay? It's safe out here now
It's okay
Shiro Ito (Actor)
I didn't get it for a brief moment
He's been properly bullied
"Cheater" is written on his face...
T/N: Shiro was on a program called "Ito Family" where they would explore everyday secret tricks and life hacks, which in Japanese is "urawaza". But "urawaza" is also used as slang to describe cheaters in video games and such.
T/N: "Oshin" is a TV drama from 1983 where Shiro played the father of the main character. May be a jab at how his debut role doesn't even warrant naming him by his actual character's name.
Oshin's father
That's his breakout role!
"Cheater" is going too far
I've had enough already
Is this for real?
That's a real problem
Bullying is absolutely not allowed
Let's go
Excuse us
Nice to meet you. Good luck
Excuse us
4 hours have passed of their school day
4 hours into their school life
They're not just tired, their butts are also doing worse
Ow
The butt pain always starts with Tanaka
Ah, is that right...
This year might be extra bad, though
The Thai kick is having it's effect too
Yeah, the Thai kick is in there too
Of all Japanese people,
the one who's received the most Thai kicks must be Tanaka
Do you really think so? Of all Japanese people?
I even think more than the people of Thailand!!
I've taken a lot...
But out of...
But you're getting used to them (Thai kicks), right?
Honestly speaking, watching that last Thai Kick,
Suspicion of Tanaka getting used to the Thai kicks
I thought, "Hmm, Tanaka is starting to get used to them"
No no no, I was shocked. Completely shocked
But it was so lame
Give me a break, please
You must understand that there isn't a set way to react
The way you are in pain makes us laugh
Because of the way you go "Aaa! Aaa!"
And it seems like you're doing it to make us laugh
You did it so nonchalantly today
2018's Treasure Hunters
Let's have a look at what Hamada is talking about
How Tanaka reacts to the Thai kick pain
Aaa~ha! Come on!!
Aaah
Aaaagh
What are you doing?
He's so loud
The suspicious reaction of this year's Thai kick
Aa Aaah!!
Aah Haa!!
Aa Aaah!!
Even with your hands
Aah Haa!!
You just naturally raise your arms
Ahhhhhhh...
It does seem like a fake reaction compared to previous years
That isn't true, it really hurts
You said "Aaa" once and got straight up on your feet
He was standing even before he was done screaming
You continued as if nothing happened
Lies lies lies lies
Lies lies lies!
Previous times your face turned pale and such
That's not true at all
Hanging out on the floor for ages
We would be worried for you
We would be at the exact threshold between worry and laughter
Yes, but today was surely no different
Not really, it didn't seem that bad...
Even now it's still hurting like hell
So it really did hurt today?
Fufu
Please, Matsumoto. Please stop
There's no way Thai kicks don't hurt
Did it hurt less than usual?
Last year's was like...
It's okay to be honest here, Tanaka
Well, compared to last year's...
Painful things hurt. That's a given
But compared to last year, it didn't hurt as much
He said it...!
You're such a let down!!
We're trying to give you a trick question and now I feel let down!
What I mean with "Compared to last year it didn't hurt as much," is
Last year when I was kicked he hit my nuts too
That made it hurt ten-fold that of a normal Thai kick
I'm wondering if you're playing us,
so could you ACT as if you were kicked for us?
Test of suspicion
Act as if Thai kicked
That way we can compare to the Thai kick from before
What, what do you mean? A normal or super painful Thai kick?
What I really want
is to see Tanaka's performance of a really painful Thai kick
Doing it seriously?
In full seriousness
Don't hold back
Okay, cut!!
It's the same
You really can do it!
That looked too good!
You really can do it, Tanaka!
It is possible that Tanaka faked his reaction
Incredible!
Let down!!
You're such a let down!!
That's actors for you
T/N: Tanaka has acted in quite a few dramas, movies, and even voice acted for anime. Has the most acting experience out of all the Gaki members.
No, it's not like that
Does that mean that today...
It's really hard to gauge a Thai Kick
Do it while wearing that!
Act out reaction while wearing joke mask
See how realistic you can do it
To see if the humor wins or if Tanaka's insanity wins
While also properly showing your face, okay?
ACTION!!
Nice stuff! Fantastic!!
It makes no difference!!
No difference at all
No no, there must be a difference
That makes no sense
This is enlightening
I'm saying this makes no sense
Four and a half hours have passed
Four and a half hours into their school life
A special class has been prepared for the 5 of them
You all okay?
We're gonna go to a special lecture now
We're going by bus
We have to take the bus to a lecture?
Eh, what can this be?
I get nothing but bad feelings
Yeah, me too
A harsh trial is awaiting the 5 of them
What is the special lecture?
And naturally the way there is also tough...
We're stopping?
At a place like this?
Arrival at bus stop
There it is!!
Oh! That is...
Perhaps... Is it them?
Oh no...
The yearly tradition of
They're really persistent...
The ones we look up to the most is Downtown
Downtown
T/N: "Manzai" is a stand-up comedy style that usually involves two performers. Downtown initially started their careers with manzai.
By choosing the path of conflict with their manzai showdowns
they've received two defeating blows
However
There is no turning back now
To make Downtown laugh
only one option remains
Introducing
Chidori Reborn
Hello everybody!
Going on 3 years, Chidori's manzai showdown
Nice to meet you
Humans really are the scariest
What do you mean by that?
There are so many disturbing incidents
Well yeah, there are a lot of those
Small kids that are walking around, just being kidnapped by strangers
Aah, kidnappings are terrifying! Taking small children...
Horrific stuff...
Stealing Downtown's Kidnapping manzai routine
And then you get a phone call
Right
Is that your...?
Hello
Hello?
You have a kid in second grade, right?
Yes!
I have a sixth grader at my house
What the hell?
Why would you tell me that?
It's a Downtown skit isn't it
So that I can scare you with this statement
Why would I be scared?
I would just accept the situation
Come on, scare me
Hello
Hello?
I've taken your son to my house
What?
He's at my house!
What? What do you mean?
No need to be surprised
You left him with me this morning
What the hell?
Why would you tell me that?
I'd just be like, "Oh okay" and that'd be it
Take this seriously
Hello?
Hello
Get the ransom ready
Ransom?
I'm Daigo and I'm located at the Second District
Why would you tell me your name?
You're in the Second District? Then you're right in my area!
Why wouldn't you say somewhere much further away?
Hello
Get the ransom ready
Ransom??
There's a phone booth in the Third District
A phone booth?
Oh, you know it?
I do
Take it there
Okay
When you come to deliver it
Yes
Follow my instructions
Now he's going to do it
A green bag with a white...
A green bag with a white paper...
With yellow
This is the punch line...
Green
A green bag with a white paper with yellow
With "yellow bag" written on it
What was that?
Are you listening?
It's been a really long time since I did this...
Even if you ask me, I don't know since it's so sudden
A green bag with a white paper with "yellow bag" written on it...
I didn't remember either!
"Blue bag" is what they should call it while going to get it...
It's a green bag though
Did I come up with that myself?
Ah, that's right
A green bag with white paper with "yellow bag" written
While calling it, "red bag"
If you can bring that, then...
I'll call it "black bag" and come get it
A green bag with yellow...
A green bag with white paper with "yellow bag"...
written on it, while calling it "red bag," then I'll
come get it while calling it "black bag"
How am I supposed to remember that??
There's no way!
Isn't a blue bag okay?
Well then, bring a blue bag in an hour!
I understand
Wait a second
Huh, what?
What is it?
Don't be surprised when I say this, but...
Mom is nagging about my call being too long and I have to hang up
Please do hang up
Thank you very much
No good. Nothing landed at all, did it?
What is this?
You skipped the whole damn joke!
Like I could remember
all that "bag bag bag" crap
What were you doing, asking Matsumoto?
We can totally hear you
That- Why- What? How would that make them laugh?
Would talking fast be funny?
Is that the kind era we live in?
There are lots of bags involved
So they aren't getting the joke
Why are lots of bags supposed to be funny?
An era where lots of types of bags
is funny is just unimaginable to me
There was a time!!
I'll do it, but we have to make it make sense to modern audiences!
Easy to understand is the goal!!
We can make it easier
Thank you, thank you
Hello, we're Chidori
Humans are the scariest, aren't they?
How so?
Yellow Bag
Disturbing incidents
Ah, that's true
Small kids that are walking around, just being kidnapped by strangers
Aah, kidnappings are terrifying! Taking small children...
Hello?
Bring me the ransom money
What? Ransom money?
I'm Daigo and I'm located at the Second District
Why would you tell me your name!?
Aren't you going to demand a ransom?
Bring the ransom money
Ransom money?
There's a phone booth in the Third District
You know it?
When you get there, there's going to be people watching so do as I say
Do what you say?
Bring a green bag with a white paper with "yellow bag" written on it
While calling it a "red bag," put it down and thuen
Hey
Put it down and then
I'll call it "black bag" and then I'll come and get it
Wait...
I'm confused...
Who would remember that? A blue bag should be fine
Well then bring a blue bag
I understand!
In an hour, got it?
Yes
Hang on
I don't get it
These guys piss me off
Hey, so
Don't be surprised when I say this, but...
What?
Mom is nagging about my call being too long and I have to hang up
These two...
Please do hang up
Thank you very much
That was malicious
No good, right?
That didn't land at all!!
It didn't land!
Why?
They were too distracted by the bags
Distracted by the bags?
Can't help it!
It's a manzai with so many bags...
It's a bag manzai! It's not a kidnapping manzai!
Scary
You're wrong, dumbass
The tempo of the kidnapping stuff at the start is good
And then it just speeds up when
we get to the damn bags!!
So that means at that point,
it becomes a bag manzai!!
You're wrong, dumbass!
This is impossible for us
We can do something at this level
Lots of colored bags kind of manzai is just impossible for us
Let's just go ask the original creators
Would you cut it out already?
Let's ask the original creators!!
What do you mean?
If we can't get the original guys to do it, it won't work
What are they saying, those two?
Let's try asking
We can't cross into the new year without this
Asking the original creators?
Excuse us
Sorry about that
For everything
We couldn't do it
It was great!
We didn't think it would be that hard...
It isn't hard!
It's a pretty old joke, so...
Daigo has a bit of a proposal...
If it's okay with you, could you, uh, that bag manzai...
It's not a bag manzai
Shouldn't you stop calling it a bag manzai?
Would you two do that kidnapping manzai?
Wait, really?
They want to see the original kidnapping joke
No way...
Will you?
We haven't done this for a long time, we really haven't
That's true, but really...
Yes, understandable
Even when watching you two do it I was like, did we say it that way?
Ah, yeah, yeah
So,
We've prepared cue cards
Cue cards?
Sorry, this is really...
This is absurd!!
Yes, we know it's absurd...
Wow, amazing
This is a decades-old joke
What does he mean by cue cards?
Excuse me
Now, okay...
Stop it with "Okay"
Wait, seriously?
Start from outside
Really?
Yes, really, sorry
Thank you
What the heck?
This is really an old joke
Yeah, really
Yes, this is really quite the occasion...
Really
You can't see it live
Definitely
That's the truth
Would it be better if they maintained the original energy?
Yeah
If they're going to do it, then I'd say so
Please do it with your original energy
All righty
Are they practicing the joke?
Ehhh?
Are they?
They're not
Oh, they're not
The first Downtown manzai in about 30 years
Okay, Downtown, please!
Please go ahead!
Downtown
First manzai in ~30 years
Thank you
Well, well, recently, there have been those
kidnappings and such
of small children, taking them away and other disturbing and messed up things
Yeah, really messed up
Hello?
Yeah, you've got a...
A son in 2nd grade right?
Yes, I do
I've got the 6th grader here
Oh, really?
No, not "Oh, really?"
Hamada, stay sharp please
The hell are you saying?
It's supposed to be, "What the hell?"
It's "What the hell?"
What the hell?
So that I can scare you with this statement
Why would I be scared?
Ah, hello?
Yes
Your son
Yeah
I have him at my place
Huh!?
Why are you saying, "Huh!?" You left him with me this morning
Oh really?
No, not "Oh, really?"
Hamada, it's "What the hell?"
What the hell?
T/N: In manzai, one comedian is the "boke" or "funny man" and the other is the "tsukkomi" or "straight man". It usually goes in the pattern of the funny man saying something dumb and the straight man retorting and pointing it out.
Somehow it turned into funny man, straight man, straight man
What the hell...
Hello
Yes
Bring the ransom money
Ransom money?
I'm Matsumoto from the Second District, so bring the ransom money there
Why would you tell me your name?
Hmm, something's not quite right?
This guy isn't even trying
He's getting a little rusty, come on, try a little
He's using a weird accent too
T/N: If you're unfamiliar with Downtown's manzais, Hamada was known to be a very aggressive tsukkomi. He's gotten really soft over the years so his tsukkomi is lacking now.
Yeah, try a little
I'm gonna be let down you know
Why would you tell me your name?!
Right
Also, don't tell me your location!
Hello
Yes, hello
There's a phone booth in the Third District, know it?
Yes, I know it
There're going to be people watching so do as I say...
Just gotta go for it
Hold up
It was getting to the good part too... So loud
Can't hear the bag part due to rude bikers
On a green bag, on a white piece of paper
This is the part I wanted to hear
Downtown
First manzai in ~30 years
That's really loud!!
What will he do with the bag?
On a white paper, on a green bag, on a white paper
I really want to hear this
This is the one part I want to hear
Seriously?
Why's it gotta be like this...
If you say "blue bag" while putting it there, while saying "green bag" I'll...
That was the part I wanted to hear the most
That was really loud!!
I wanted to hear that the most
Excuse us
That's no good
What?
That's the local Ibaraki culture...
T/N: Ibaraki prefecture is known for their flashy motorcycle culture.
Yeah, that kind of delinquent
Hamada you've got to do it proper, really
"Do it proper," yeah, right!
We haven't practiced even, how many years has it been?
He's been doing quite well considering
Hey now that you think about it, see?
It's a different era now so the type of responses are different
We're leaving
What?
That makes me mad
Suddenly going home
So glad we got to see that
We learned a lot
You guys are terrible!
Excuse us, thank you
You're really messed up
It's as if they tore off our underwear and then up and left
He just launched into it
The 5 can't even take a break
The bus goes to the next laugh assassin's base
The 5 guys aren't taking a break
The bus goes to the next assassin's base
Arrival at bus stop
Ok...
Actresses with a new and novel skit script!
The ones that will bring roars of laughter to your living room are these two
Up and coming actress duo 「3rd & 4th」
The gods of entertainment?
Female manzai duo 「3rd & 4th」
Ashina Sei Hirose Alice
Police officers, there's trouble!
My best friend Ashina's underwear has been stolen!
Catch the person who did this,
and punish them!
Hirose!
Hirose! a girl
shouldn't use such
dirty words!!
I mean, it's Ashina's underwear and all...
T/N: Okazu Club is a different female comedy duo with members Okarina and YuiP.
Complete copy of Okazu Club's joke
Everyone will want it...
You're right...
Officers, to catch the criminal, what should Ashina do?
Eh?!
First, explain in detail what kind of underwear was stolen, you say?
Apologize!
Apologize to Ashina right now!!
Is this your
WAY OF DOING THINGS?!
What?
They didn't laugh at all
Failing a skit on a New Years Eve program, isn't that serious?
Because...
That blonde guy, right in the middle of the skit
he kept on looking at me with such lewd eyes
Was not!
I know, right?
I was wondering, what is this?
I bet he's gone crazy from so much muscle training...
It's gross!!
This guy, when he went to Hawaii with some of his juniors,
He made his juniors take photos
of his muscles that he wanted to upload onto Twitter
And he just wasn't satisfied with them
By the way, these are the photos that were taken...
Just how many did you make them take!!
You're taking a lot of photos, aren't you?
No, that's wrong
You're taking a lot of photos there
It just happened like that
If you're an entertainer you shouldn't be doing muscle training,
you should be training your comedy routine!!
Sing-Along Guy
T/N: "Sing-Along Guy" is someone who performs for sing-along children's TV shows. Kind of similar to Barney, Blue's Clues, etc.
Yokoyama Daisuke
Everyone! Hello!~
Bringing you a lovely song, I am the Sing-Along Guy!!
Hey, you two
It sounded like you were having a quarrel,
about that entertainer who has too much muscle
With the muscle training, there's a proper reason for it
If we sing this song, I'm sure you'll understand
Music start!!
We're all grossed out~
Hitoshi's body really grosses us out
Where did your charisma that made people laugh go?
The only one here is a pro wrestler
What even is your goal? If we look into it,
The cringey reason is it's for your daughter's sake
Even Takeda (Shinji)
T/N: Takeda Shinji is an actor and tarento.
Even Kusano (Hitoshi)
T/N: Kusano Hitoshi is a news announcer.
Even Mandy
T/N: Mandy is a dancer and member of the Japanese pop group, EXILE.
Everyone everyone is training
Because you all want to be popular
That was messed up...
Should we try the joke one more time?
I can't
That guy there (Hamada)
He had his mouth wide open the whole time just spacing out
That's not true
I was not
He was completely spaced out
That's right, that's right, I remember now. This person...
When he went and ate with his juniors,
Wanting to look cool to them,
Said "See ya, thanks for coming out, later!!"
And as he dashed into a car,
Apparently it was a complete stranger's car
And apparently that happened a bunch of times, too
Surely that's not right?
Isn't it crazy how senile he is?
And as well,
The other three are only mid level entertainers
Normally you just read between the lines and laugh right?
Right?
But do you you know him? Hosei
Apparently he really likes
the sweet potato they bring for the recording of Osaka Honwaka TV
After the recording,
Apparently, he gathered up all the leftover
sweet potatoes from the dressing room
That the other entertainers left behind and took it home himself
What a stunningly filthy entertainer
Really?
That's sad...
This guy...
For more than 5 years,
He was a commentator on an Osaka news program
But his comments were so stupid, he was fired recently
And then, apparently feeling a sense of danger,
Suddenly,
Said he wanted to become a "committed dad" entertainer
He approached the producer for the show, "My First Errand"
T/N: "My First Errand" is a show that sends young kids out to run an errand for their parents. Though they are filmed and supervised, the kids are unaware and are mostly on their own.
And was in direct talks about appearing
He just happened to be there... We just talked...
We just talked
And Tanaka...
Apparently a friend of his kid in middle school
came and had a sleepover at his house
And when the kid's friend woke up the next day, this guy
He had ironed his friend's uniform
It sounds like the friend got creeped out from that
I do it for everyone... Everyone...
You're so kind!!
I just did it for everyone... Because I was doing mine as well
What's with that, what's up with that?
Everyone's was there...
But...
That's more than dirty, it's terrifying
pIt's gross
Okay okay, that's enough for now
Sing Along Guy
Kobayashi Yoshihisa
You two have been saying, "you're dirty, you're dirty" about those three
But with entertainers,
They do fine work from being dirty and getting laughs from it
Music Start!!
The sun will come out tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar that good things happen tomorrow! However...
A muscle training addict, Hitoshi
A man that forgets what he eats, Hamada
Post divorce depression, Tanaka
Hoping for a job as a committed dad, Endo
Rakugo life, Hosei
The amount of laughs decreases as time goes on
Gaki no Tsukai
You're all dirty! We're worried about tomorrow
That's just mean
You're all dirty and you're all out
Oi...
I tell them to not leave the photos behind...
Yeah...