TG
Team Gaki Presents
Translators:
GakiNoSuitGuy
Shizentaisuu
Typesetters:
Sevendayheaven
hachiagejo
Sacro
English Checker:
James
Quality Checker:
PeaceBrigade
Just over 12 hours in, the new professors have a new task
8:30pm Science Research Lab: 12hrs 30 min of service
Conducting Social Studies Research
Participating in a Scientific Seminar!!
They will participate in their senior scientists' seminar
Could I have you sit here?
Matsumoto, Hamada...
I'd like to commence the Gasukurobikari Research Institute's faculty meeting
Just to confirm today's topic,
we are here to discuss our ecologic findings from studying
Research institute faculty meeting
Famous People Ecology Report
Academics share their findings
famous people's everyday lives
This is the place to share your findings
Let's begin immediately
Who wants to go first?
I'll go
Katsumata
Concerning Tsukitei Housei
Tsukitei Housei's forever-loved show
Tsukitei Housei's Scoop
An important regular show
"Drive-A-Go! Go!"
considered his life's work
"Drive-A-Go! Go!"
has ended this year.
It ended?
"Drive-A-Go! Go!" ended?
Their car was confiscated.
Everyone loved that show!
I'd certainly like to ride it again
Anything else?
Some study of Hamada revealed
Hamada's Scoop
His favorite commercial
that he has a favorite commercial I think everyone knows:
An Amazon ad where a baby and the dog wear a lion's mane
It's an amazing ad
Hamada really loves that ad
No matter what, if he's eating his favourite food,
if he's in an important meeting,
if someone screams "AAAAAAH" in his face,
the second that ad comes on,
he's lost in his own world staring at it
That's so creepy
Creepy!
That's adorable!
That's just so creepy
Get over it already
He's so kindhearted
What's with you guys?
Speaking of Hamada's kindhearted nature,
I've got a matter that I couldn't comprehend
Hamada's Scoop
Osaka Program
A program based in Osaka
it was Hamada's program.
He had a plan to give one of his viewers
a Christmas present from my home
Hamada came knocking with a bang
"Hey! I came to pick up the present!"
along with his understudies "The Missile Men"
He came in with dirty shoes on, of course
"Gonna take something with value, k?"
He brings this $800 T-Fal,
some kind of kitchen goods
Completely unused "I'm taking this"
like "No, not that!"
going with the flow the "Missile Men" say "we'll take this too"
They pick this Doraemon Mahjong game my kid has been constantly playing with
But then, Hamada's like
"Don't be taking away his kid's childhood memories!"
So kind!
I wish he had followed through
So in the end, they just take the $800 T-Fal kitchen thing
and laughing on the way out they left.
So kind!
Daigo
Uh... I just relaxed a bit, er, really just realized that
Hamada's Scoop
Osaka Program Part 2
When Hamada went to Nobu's house and took an item for a show
I wasn't there for that...
yet
last time I met Hamada
he had his mouth agape
I said "yeah?"
and mouth still open he says "Gimme something"
Now that I think about it,after getting Nobu he went after me
Now that I think about it, after getting Nobu he went after me
Like I would know
Maybe it was a mistake?
That's no mistake
I don't get it
he said "Gimme something"
Throughout the whole thing, he never closed his mouth once
"Gim sumtin!"
Like some kind of ventriloquist act I've never seen before
"Gim sumn!"
That's not relevant
What's the point
He just keeps going with his mouth open?
It's like when he's not on TV, he can't close his mouth!
Can't close his mouth?
What's with this story
That's so weird
I've got something on Hamada too
His kindness, his likeness to gorillas, and many other descriptions
After 23 persistent years the untouchable Shibata
got to do a remote shoot with Hamada
Hamada's Scoop
Shoot of his dreams
and it was his dream
to have Hamada hit him over the head
cause he's famous
We were filming at a zoo
and Shibata is telling various stories about the animals
The animals weren't very excited and wouldn't come over to Hamada
The ONLY animal to come over was a gorilla
It's like gorilla, Hamada, gorilla, Hamada
like passing through a mirror or glass
I thought "This is my chance! I can't miss this!"
I said "As expected, you're similar types" to try and set him up
Just as I expect him to give a strong hit
Cause of what you said...
Right!
He gently remarks with a smile, "You're so annoying"
He's so kind!
Completely kindhearted
I mean, who wouldn't think they're similar
He grinned out of embarrassment too...
While we're discussing Hamada, his age is starting to show...
Hamada's Scoop
Signs of Aging
I keep bringing this up every time, but...
From his kitchen
there's this hallway in Hamada's house
with a bathroom and a closet for water storage in the same direction
and he's hobbling along
I'm sure he went to get some water, but
He forgot, and instead went to the bathroom in the same area
Since he couldn't take a poo...
He returned asking "Why'd I go to the bathroom?"
He's roaming
Wow
Roaming about
Wow
Old fart
He went from putting something in his mouth... to releasing something
Exactly
Can I build on this?
The other day, sediment was raining down on Shinjuku...
The other day, sediment was raining down on Shinjuku..
My umbrella broken, holding my umbrella
and I was running vigorously...
and the umbrella frame is like...
all by myself
Hey Muramoto...
Go home!
This is about Tanaka
Have you heard of these shoes that help you run faster?
For kids...
Tanaka's Scoop
Syunsoku Shoes
He has a son who plays soccer
He bought these shoes for his son to run faster and told him
"You can play harder with these!"
but when Tanaka watched a match,
his son was the goalkeeper
He didn't know
You didn't know?
That's no good...
I've got another
Go ahead, Muramoto
Let me say this
This is about "Takakura Moving Center"
Young actor who's helped hundreds of celebs
move using top rate methods
Takakura Moving Center
This is about "Takakura Moving Center"
About Takakura Moving Center?
This is about "Takakura Moving Center"
I asked for some help moving from Takakura the other day
Takakura Moving Center Scoop
Balcony Garden
I said, "If you're serious, throw in some balcony gardening for free"
Then the thread was marked "read" so suddenly
This guy just leapt at me
Takakura Center...
Muramoto
I'm going to kill you
This is a bit about Matsumoto
I was mentioning something about muscles
Then the convo became weight training
So he starts talking about how much he benches
Matusmoto's Scoop
Weight Training
"How many reps? How much weight?" kind of convo
Then suddenly he's like "that moment..."
When you hit your limit
Your huge muscles just become incredibly itchy, right?
Then I was just like "uh, yeah..."
I really had no clue what he was talking about
He was the only one who got that
I'd like to share one
This is quite recent
Matsumoto's Scoop
Osaka Show
Matsumoto is doing a show in Osaka
with Tamukento and Miyasako
This one time
It's the end of the work day, and they're eating
"What should we do after this?"
Like go to a bar or something
or go to a Cigar Bar
They've got many different choices available
When you don't stay after what do you (Matsumoto) end up doing?
I want to go to a girl's bar
It's like, can you really say something like that?
Yeah... that's rare
But ultimately a girl's bar was a no-go,
some girls might say this or that
Since that was no good...
Then... what about a cabaret?
Cabaret?
A cabaret!
What a grand, refined leisure activity for the local area
A cabaret that employs a bunch of crusty grandmas
"Yeah, let's go to a cabaret"
As if he'd actually agree to go to that!
So the next week when they were together at work
So Miyasako asks Matsumoto
Did you really want to go to a crusty old lady cabaret?
WHY!?
Well... I wanted to just chat
I really didn't get the point
Just why!?
He wants to talk with the old ladies
Did he have no one to talk to recently?
He's gotten to be that age
He wouldn't explain anything else to me
That's cruel!
Downtown's Matsumoto's Twitter account has 4 million followers
Matsumoto's Scoop
Amazing! Did you know that?
It's only 2-3 years old, and he's surpassed 4 million
His daily ramblings become internet news
I too like to read his posts, and like them
He makes very high quality posts, very high quality posts
Occasionally you get posts that make you wonder WTF?
Most of his posts will blow you away
So I wanted to share a few with you
Please go ahead
Well
Comedians are like fairies...
Wonder if they can't be seen by people who don't laugh.
What a great Tweet.
Just as expected, Matsumoto's Twitter is great.
Let's take one more step.
This surprised me.
Ghosts are scary cause you can see beings that are dead
If someone says they aren't afraid,
they must be dead.
If you say that ghosts are scary...
Usually
Matsumoto's Tweets have
50-60,000 likes but
This has only 2000 likes.
That's something, Matsumoto.
9:30 pm
Research facility Worked for 13 hours and 30 minutes
Tired, so very tired.
The fatigue is building up.
They have no words for each other.
Just then...
Alcohol. It affects people differently.
Alcohol
It has come.
If you drink too much, your memory can become hazy
Memory
and after a few hours, you will become dead drunk.
Dead drunk
Here at Gasu Kurobikari science research labs,
we will study the effects of alcohol on sleep patterns.
Testing alcohol's effect on sleep patterns
Start of drinking and its effects on sleep test.
Average middle aged man as the test rat.
Let's try the experiment on a middle-aged man.
This...
Looks bad.
Can it be?
First,
Intaking alcohol at a small restaurant
drinking alcohol at a small restaurant.
The man is
Please stop.
Welcome
Hi, we'come
He came out.
Party of one?
Yes
Yes, please.
Onishi Hideaki 52 years old
Mister Onishi Hideaki
52 years old
In the case of this man drinking,
Can Jimmy hold his liquor?
what will happen to his sleep pattern?
I wonder.
He isn't strong at all.
Ah! You're Jimmy Onishi, aren't you?
Yes, I am
Welcome, welcome!
Sorry. Thank-
What will you drink?
Um...
First, for starters,
draft beer.
If I am already laughing just at this.
There wasn't even anything particularly funny about it.
Right now he is to blame.
Wait...
Do your best.
That's right.
This...
Indeed.
He is the bad person.
This is pure bullying.
That's how Jimmy always does it.
Um...
First, for starters,
draft beer.
I will pour it for you.
Thanks.
This earnest version of Jimmy might be hard.
What if I took you out, cutie sis?
You are good at holding it.
Aren't I?
Looks delicious. It is delicious.
Huh?
Did you work today?
Huh?
Any work today?
Today was traveling for work.
Travel?
That sounds so hard.
Jimmy Onishi,
what do you do on your days off?
Huh?
What do you do on your days off?
Why is he asking her to repeat herself?
Right.
That's enough.
Let's do our best.
This is really not good.
Why ask her to repeat herself?
That guy is so irritating, seriously
Indeed.
Continuing with the hostess' drink.
Inside of the shop for 30 minutes.
With the beautiful hostess' beer,
Onishi continues.
In my case,
I can really hold my liquor.
No matter how much you drink?
I am really not that weak.
Is that so?
Because my dad did it.
I understand.
What's up with him?
It will happen slowly...
Enjoying himself with the hostess
Inside of the shop for 1 hour
Conversation with the hostess is flowing
Onishi's beer glass is also raised.
As expected
Mr. Onishi has so many talents.
You must be quite popular, right?
Yes, I am popular-a-plenty.
Just as I thought.
For example, what happens?
Like those lips of yours should never be given to anyone else.
I can't stand it with these sweet lips of mine.
Is that the case?
It's world-renowned.
World-renowned?
Yes.
Various countries' women?
That's why
Brasileiro.
Brazilian.
Brasileiro.
Brazilian Brasileiro.
Brazilian is fine.
Geez.
Don't give up.
It's fine if he misspeaks.
The message has been received.
Right.
It's fine, you don't have to say it, no matter what.
Brazilian.
Brasileiro.
Brazil...
Brasileiro.
If customers came and sat here.
I can clean up.
You will clean up?
Notice
But isn't it...
So quick.
Terrible.
I can't believe this.
It's here.
Terrible.
Mr. Jimmy's...
What should we do?
Yeah, what should we do?
You will clean up?
Notice
But isn't it...
Mr. Onishi?
Mr. Onishi, are you okay?
Mr. Onishi fell asleep.
Inside of the shop for 2 hours and 12 minutes.
Having visited the shop for nearly 2 hours,
Mr. Onishi fell asleep.
Thank you for coming.
Please do come again.
Tao Tao Tao Tao Tao Tao
Tao Tao Tao
This is great.
Truly great.
Dead drunk Mr. Onishi
Completely dead drunk Mr. Onishi.
Coming next...
Shocking sleep pattern experiment unveiling
We will unveil the shocking sleep pattern experiment.
This year's Jimmy is unparalleled.
Thank you for coming
Please do come again
Tao Tao Tao Tao Tao Tao
Tao Tao Tao
His manager moves him by carrying him on his back.
In an emergency his manager rushes in
and moves the dead drunk Mr. Onishi.
Having no idea that he is partaking in a sleep experiment.
Arrival time
Taken to the testing grounds.
Manager helps him change before sleep
With the helping hands of his manager
changes into pyjamas and is being put to bed.
Slap
Finally
they succeed in putting Onishi to sleep.
Suzuki (Manager)
Hic
Suzuki~
I said Suzuki!!
Su'ki~
Hic!
What?
Prepare a banana for me...
What is it?
Banana
It's his manager or what?
It really is something.
That's how he is?
He is like that?
He is a real veteran.
Slap, that's how she hit him.
She really did slap him.
In spite of being a veteran...
Higher up than us, he is the senpai.
Right you are.
That manager's pretty young, isn't she?
What?
Hic
Very well, sir.
Banana
Prepare a banana for me already!
I will get you a banana.
Waiting for Mr. Onishi to fall into deep sleep.
First,
let's wait until Mr. Onishi
falls into deep sleep.
Bao
Grrrrrrrrrrrr
Bao
He truly is a dog.
Does that kind of sound ever come out?
I have never made that sound.
First time seeing this.
Never ever!
Bao
Grrrrrrrrrrrr
Bao
Grrrrrrrrrrrr
This is impossible to endure.
This is terrible.
This really is something.
What's up with it?
Why does he sound like that?
Bao
Grrrrrr
Arf
Grrrrrr
The first sleep study
Do they really need to write it out? That's sinister!
No kidding
"Grrrrrrr" and what not
This is unbelievable!
Unbelievable
They're bringing it to us
Bringing me to tears
Let's get through this
Just about to move on to the next segment too
1:30 in the morning
Let's move up to there
From here again!?
Grrrrrr
Arf
Grrrrrr
The first sleep study
Researcher
Miyagawa Daisuke
The experiment will be conducted by our elite researcher Miyagawa Daisuke
Drunk Sleep Study Responsiveness Test 1
How will he respond to electric shock?
First we'll equip him with these shocking pads
Then we'll observe what kind of response he'll give
So suddenly?
On the cheek?
Switched ON
Drunk Sleep Study Responsiveness Test 2
Increasing shock strength
Let's try increasing the power
This is bad
I won't make it
Subject was not woken with only 1 shock
Owing to the subject's intoxication, we found he was unable to be woken
I see
Drunk Sleep Study Responsiveness Test 3
What will 3x the shock pads do?
Let's see how he reacts to an increased number of shock pads
Are you serious?
Face, Arms and Legs are the three positions we'll test, let's begin
Switch ON
This is so cruel! Cruel!
Cruel! Cruel! Cruel!
Why does he fall off?
He's an animal
Freaky
Wait, wait, stop
He's an animal!
I really can't make it through this
He's an amazing person
He's like a bear
He's a monster
He's really a monster
Hurry up and be over
Oww, my butt can't handle this
My butt won't make it
Still half asleep, Onishi appears completely unaware of the researchers around him
Test Results: Subject does not awaken via electric shock
Drunk Sleep Study Response Test Complete
Wow
I'm glad that's over
Those were Jimmy's true instincts
That was crazy
14 hours, 30 minutes since beginning work
The faces of 5 people who had the life sucked out of them
With the force of a megaton bomb, Jimmy Onishi sucked the life out of 5
BUT, after this...
HE will bring them further hell!!
His appearance marks their darkest moment
10:30pm: The appearance of Jimmy has exhausted our researchers,
14 hours, 30 minutes into working at a research institute
just as news of a big event arrives
You're kidding me
Internal Announcement
A state of emergency has been declared!!
Extremely dangerous chemicals have been detected
All researchers, please report to the auditorium
Everyone! It's an emergency!
Change into this and go
Extremely dangerous chemicals found in the institute
Change into lab coats and head to the auditorium!!
Extremely dangerous chemicals have been found in the institute;
the five will change into lab coats and head to the auditorium
Alright, let's go everyone
Auditorium
Please sit in the seats in front
All research staff have assembled
They're here
Research staff explain the situation
We had no choice but to convene everyone here
We might bring about the end of humanity here in this institute
We discovered a terribly dreadful chemical compound
We'll hear more about this matter from the lead inventor
without further ado
God damn
Chouno Masahiro Barges In!!
Lead Research Inventor
I'm the Head of the Inventing Department, Chouno
I'm fucking pissed
Who did it!?
It's one of you
Discovery of catastrophic chemical release!
The culprit is among the scientists!!
I will have to expose the culprit
The culprit is in the auditorium!
Manhunt for the catastrophic inventor!!
He has to be here
It's you
No way
Unexpectedly quiet voice
Why so quiet?
IT'S YOU
My fucking ear
How pitiful
There is no one with the integrity to talk
This chemical compound
is luminescent under the right light
Catastrophic Chemical
Luminescence under a special light
The culprit who engaged in this research will absolutely...
have this liquid somewhere on their body
Catastrophically Dangerous Chemical Invention
The culprit has liquid on them that will light up!!
Even the smallest amount of this liquid will shine brightly
Kill the lights
Shining the special light in:
Let's do this!
Housei's face shines bright
That's gross
Wait what the hell?
It was that bad!?
What is that!?
This stuff exists!?
Housei has no idea what's going on
It's you!!
WHEN!?
Did you wash your face in it or what!?
That stuff Uegawa poured on you
Showered him...
Really doused him
Catastrophically Dangerous Chemical Invention
The culprit is new researcher Tsukitei Housei
Seriously, your entire face was lighting up
Why!?
It was illuminated!
ME!?
Yeah!
WHY!?
That's what I want to know
I really have absolutely no clue what's going on
Housei can't come to terms with the situation
If you're looking for luminescence...
That guy's head lit up a little bit
This guy definitely lit up
GIVE HIM THE BLACK LIGHT
LOOK AT HIM
You bastard
Where?
The head
Your FACE lit up
My Face!?
My face?
My Face?
You couldn't see yourself
So scummy
"Scummy"? I didn't do anything!
Your face lit up
What do you mean "My face lit up"?
There's more proof, get up here!!
More evidence presented on stage!!
Bring that example out
This is something we confiscated